Fantasy Football

We haven’t done this in a couple weeks despite suggesting we’d make it a weekly feature. And it’s a bit premature, but here are some ideal replacements for injured starters in the oncoming week of fantasy football. Actually, it isn’t premature at all as there is a game tomorrow night. That game might not exist to us because it’s on NFL Network, but it exists to everyone else apparently, so we might as well knock this out of the way.

1) Antonio Pittman
It stands to reason that you have no idea who this is unless you live in Ohio or St. Louis, but he is Stephen Jackson’s backup running back and looks to see the majority of carries out of the backfield. He didn’t exactly set the world on fire against the Jets, but they have the Niners this weekend. And the Niners don’t have anywhere near the run stopper of Kris Jenkins. After watching him run for three years at Ohio State, trust me, this kid can run given modestly favorable circumstances.

2) BenJarvus Green-Ellis
I kind of can’t stand this guy because he represents the overt and unapologetic random nature of modern day NFL running backs. At this point, running backs are to the NFL what peripheral actors are to television sitcoms: utterly replaceable. We wish him all the best but what he means for the league is pretty infuriating from a fantasy perspective. But he will get the majority of touches because Bill Belichick merely tolerates Kevin Faulk, he doesn’t actually like him. If Ellis hasn’t already been acquired in your league (and we would like to join your league if that is the case) you would be wise to do so post-haste.

Switching Becky's on Roseanne had no impact on the ratings, just like switching running backs rarely effects a game's outcome.

3) Cedric Benson
You won’t believe me when I say he actually looks serviceable for the Bengals, so let me just offer some numbers and wild speculation as to what those numbers mean: In his most recent game against the Jags he rushed for 104 yards and a touchdown on 24 carries. The most vital part of that stat line for fantasy? The 24 carries, as it looks like they are veering more towards him than the fumble prone Chris Perry, not to mention that the game against the Jags was the first they won all season. They are playing the Eagles who have upped their run defense from years past (though Jacobs still diced them up on Sunday night), but the Bengals are coming off a bye week. We aren’t guaranteeing a 100 yard, two TD game, but we are pretty certain he will get 70% of the carries against an over-confident Eagles team.

4) Dominick Rhodes
The Colts have one of the worst running offenses in the league and Addai, though he will play, still looked pretty hampered in the Steelers. We believe that Rhodes is still the inferior back, but if they are splitting carries about evenly (as they appeared to be doing against Pittsburgh), they are going to try and rest their top-tier player and throw Rhodes out their more frequently against the lowly Texans, whose defense is reminiscent of the Dick Vermeil Chiefs who started onside kicking midway through the third quarter in the playoffs a few years ago.

5) Ledell Betts
Clinton Portis is questionable (he probably wouldn’t play if they were going tomorrow night), so picking up Betts and waiting out the final verdict probably isn’t the worst strategy. If Portis does play, fine, just put him on the bench and play whoever you were going to in lieu of the backup. If he doesn’t, then you have a running back who’ll get over 60% of the carries against a banged up (albeit determined) Dallas defense. There is no downside to the proposition unless you have some sort of sentimental attachment to your bench players you’re never going to start in the first place.

Back later with something.

I’ve watched football on a pretty regular basis for the past fifteen years or so, and I don’t think I’ve ever been so unimpressed with a close football game as I was last night. Turnovers, penalties (two called back pick sixes which must have been deflating for anyone with the Cards defense, blown assignments, dropped passes…this is life in the NFC west. I guess its a testament to the Cardinals that they were able to pull it out, but we feel like the game demonstrated why the Niners are still struggling and the Cards are going to be devastated in the playoffs more so than it was clinic of high caliber NFL football.

None the less, and I will give him credit here, Mike Singletary made that team look like they actually play football for a living. It wasn’t the prettiest performance I’ve ever seen and the Cardinals effortlessly sliced up that defense, but the offense looked competent. That is something I haven’t been able to say about the Niners since the Jeff Garcia-Terrell Owens days. He seems to have righted the ship for the interim, its a matter of reaching their destination at this point. Sadly, for Niners fans, I think that means a max of six wins on the season.

But anyways, we like to hold off on doing our “best/worst of week ___” lists after Monday’s game for obvious reasons. And this game produced about fifteen viable candidates for each list that we limit to five. So here they are, you’re fifteen surprise performers from week 10.

1) Dustin Keller
He has been lurking around for the past few weeks, establishing a repore with Brett Favre and doing all the right things to make himself an asset for the playoffs. Remember Favre’s proclivity to throw to the tight end in Green Bay? Whether it was Chmura (who had his own set of proclivities), Franks or Donald Lee, Favre seemed to love the tight end as an unsuspecting bail out as opposed to the running back. In other words, this is the probably the first and last time we’ll consider his performance a surprise.

2) Mark Bradley
Who the fuck is Mark Bradley? Is he white? He sounds white, making this all the more implausible. I think next year I am going to do a free public league and start nothing but special teams players and third down backs at the skill positions to see how I fare. Anyhow, its good to see the Chiefs have a new potential weapon other than Dwayne Bowe.

3) Tyler Thigpen
I know we had him on here last week so this is technically breaking the rules. It’s kind of fucking retarded to have a list of players that exceeded expectations, and then put one of them on here in back to back weeks. But this is Tyler Thigpen we’re talking about. He went to Coastal Carolina! was a third stringer coming into the season! He’s two years younger than me! Any week he passes for over 200 yards and 3 touchdowns, he has guaranteed himself a spot on this list. If his coach wasn’t an erratically principled mess and set to go down in flames, he may have even pulled out the win with some more favorable officiating. We would say he’s the priority regardless of what happens with Brodie Croyle and Damon Huard, but again, Herm Edwards is a mystery wrapped in a riddle. He could put a gazelle in at receiver and it wouldn’t surprise us.

Meet the new slot receiver for the Kansas City Chiefs.

4) Bo Scaife
Way to piss off the ‘72 Dolphins, Bo. When the Bears bottle up your run like Chris Johnson is Shaun Alexander in 2006, you come through with ten catches for 78 yards and a touchdown. Needless to say, you mightily upset not only the Dolphins, but also the 11 other teams in 12 team leagues. Thanks to your efforts and the Steelers blowing a win against the Colts, we are now believers in the Titans. This team will get to the Superbowl in the ugliest way imaginable. Ironically, we still think you lose to the team Collins last went to the Superbowl with.

5) Joe Flacco
Alright, fine. We’ll give credit where it’s due. And Joe Flacco deserves a lot of credit (though we’re still not sold on his merits for a long career as a starter). They played the Texans, which are inarguably the worst fantasy defense in the league. But he’s a rookie quarterback for a team that would be in the playoffs if they started today. A two touchdown, two point conversion and no interception performance gets him the five slot here.

Sort of an odd duck week for fantasy football. Production was kind of low again, yes, and the players who actually showed up weren’t the standard game breakers nor were they the bottom rung NFL players who probably aren’t even on a fantasy roster (with obvious exceptions to both the former and the latter). We are actually stunned with our degree of inaccuracy for week ten.

I think the best way to describe the brand of player with statistical output in week 10 would be as a second tier starter. What is this bullshit? One might ask. Well, someone that qualifies as a second-tier starter would be a player that is a regular fixture in your starting lineup, but someone you aren’t overly loyal to and would consider replacing for a reserve if they have a favorable matchup. Or probably even more common: Someone you aren’t exactly heartbroken to see on a bye week.

There are several players who fit this mold, like Marques Colston. This is specific to this season because in the past two years Colston has been a top-tier wideout (even when you could line him up at tight end). But this season? Well, in the games he had actually played in, he had only totaled five catches for 222 yards and no touchdowns on the season. Naturally, what did he do yesterday? Seven catches for 140 yards. He still failed to get into the end zone but those numbers are more than sufficient and a promising sign for the second half of the season. Who would of thought that the best passing team in the league would actually use their best receiver? Crazy.

In short, if you had Colston, Maurice Jones-Drew, Thomas Jones, Todd Heap, Bo Scaife, D’Angelo Williams or Wes Welker (demoted to second-tier with Brady’s injury), then you probably fared pretty well this week assuming you drafted adequately in the first five rounds of your draft. If you do not have any of these players, then you probably feel incredibly bitter and shitty about the bad beat you just took (especially if you went up against Jones-Drew or Jones).

We also continued the season of mediocrity from pro-bowlers and miscellaneous, inexplicably phenomenal performances from previous no-names (more on both tomorrow). In respect to the latter, if you or someone else in your league lucked out with a big Jerious Norwood game, I’m sure they railed on about their foresight to put him in the starting lineup. But more likely than not, their performance fell to the wayside that is this year’s waiver wire or was positioned firmly on someone’s bench.

You know how to determine if someone has a loaded fantasy team? When that someone is in a ten person league and sends you a text message asking, “Who should I start: Gore, Parker or Chris Johnson?” You should start go fuck yourself because if these are literally three players you have to choose from, unless your quarterback is Jim Sorgi you are probably steamrolling your fantasy league.

Switching topics, it’s only week 10 and we’re really fucking sick of writing for this site. I’m not sure what happened, but when you are writing about fantasy football for seventeen straight weeks it begins to feel really redundant. Case in point, here are five players to look out for tomorrow.

1) Shaun McDonald
We would feel a lot better about this with Orlovsky playing, but we trust that Culpepper can actually get the ball to the best open receiver. More often than not, that should be McDonald. With Roy Williams being sent to Dallas for a litany of draft picks that are going to turn the franchise around, McDonald is the perfect second option at receiver: Not a world beater and not Todd Pinkston, but he is skilled and under the radar just enough that he can put up some numbers.

2) Jamaal Charles
No Kolby Smith, Larry Johnson is out searching for a soul, the rookie upstart should get virtually every carry out of the backfield against a paltry and miserable San Diego Chargers defense. We know what kind of year it has been for rookie running backs, if everyone else’s success is any indication then Charles very well might break Adrian Peterson’s single game record.

3) Michael Turner
He’s been suffocated a little from his strong start this season. But these NFC south teams seem to come out the gate swinging when they are playing each other at home. Atlanta hosts New Orleans, and I expect them to overrun them at the line of scrimmage like every offensive line seems to do. What I’m trying to say is, every offensive lineman in the NFL is on steroids.

4) DeAngelo Williams
Sigh, we’ve mocked Williams numerous times in the past for his insufficient sumanotype for the NFL, but with Jonathan Stewart doubtful for tomorrow’s game and Oakland as their opponent, I’m liking Williams’ chances to have a good game. He might even get a yard for every pound he has in his tiny little body.

5) Vincent Jackson
Coming off the bye week, playing the Chiefs, putting up numbers like he was supposed to for the past two seasons, playing the Chiefs, if these aren’t reason enough to put him in the flex position, then I envy your roster and resent your good fortune/aptitude. These things happen when you start Braylon Edwards against your better judgment and he only scores two fantasy points. Asshole.

Enjoy the games tomorrow.

So, we probably should have mentioned that there was going to be a game on last night, being that this is an NFL fantasy blog and all. We basically just forgot, given that we write these posts while at work with little to no preparation and that the NFL hides their games from the American public as often as possible.

Either way, unless you had Kellen Winslow, you were probably fairly disappointed with the performance of any Brown who occupied your roster (other than Phil Dawson), and if you had Jay Cutler, Brandon Marshall or Eddie Royal you probably got more than you could have realistically asked for. I would go running to acquire Brady Quinn quite yet. He threw roughly thirty-five passes in the game, and the only players he looked comfortable throwing to were his tight ends. He completed 23 passes, Winslow and Heiden accounted for 13 of them (10 were to Winslow).

Maybe he's distracted.

Any defense other than the Broncos would have picked up on this tactic midway through the second quarter. If he’s as tentative to throw to his receivers all season like he was last night, I wouldn’t expect much out of anyone on that team, be it the running backs Winslow or Quinn. With back to back blown wins, Cleveland is now all but out of the playoff race. We figure they will need at least a 10-6 record to solidify a wild card spot, which means they would have to win out. If they lose even one game it puts them at best case scenario of 9-7, which means they would be relying on a tiebreaker again. So yeah, we do not like their chances.

Denver, on the other hand, probably wishes they could play Cleveland every week. How often to you see a team with no discernible defense come back from a two touchdown deficit in the third quarter. This is the magic that is the Cleveland Browns. They can have a mediocre team on the ropes, at home, at night, and still manage to blow it while making the opposition look like the 1993 Cowboys.

Unlike Quinn, Cutler spread the ball around and the distribution was fairly even (save for one 93 yard play with Eddie Royal). The diabetic quarterback managed to tally 447 yards for 3 touchdowns on 24-42 passing (thankfully percentages don’t count for shit in fantasy). If you have Cutler one your team, since you probably drafted him as a backup I hope you either start two quarterbacks or have Tony Romo to make your decisions easier.

On the ground, the Broncos don’t really run the ball anymore (remember the days of Mike Anderson breaking off 1,000 yard seasons?), which we couldn’t be more thankful for. They invented the entire running by committee concept, and now they are no longer a fantasy burden for anyone. Karmic justice at its finest.

Also unlike the Browns, this actually puts the Broncos in the driver’s seat to win the division. At a paltry 5-4, they have a two game lead on the Chargers and look poised to cling to that with either a 9-7 or 10-6 finish. As banged up as they are, we have to assume they sustain at least two more losses. Luckily they have that ridiculous home field advantage that could actually by them an extra win they otherwise wouldn’t see.

It wasn’t a really telling game for either team but it did a lot in putting their stamp on the season. The Browns are all but guaranteed to end up a disappointment. And the Broncos will probably win their division in a down year for them and the conference, while if they were in the NFC east they wouldn’t win a divisional game all season.

Back with recommendations later.

Its a little late in the week to be kvetching over the myriad of shitty fantasy performances from NFL players in week nine, especially when we personally outscored the rest of our league. But stewing over a perceived wrong done incidentally to us by people we never have nor will we ever meet, is what makes fantasy football enjoyable. How often does anyone get together with the people in their league and boast about getting someone like Chris Johnson in the middle rounds? Never. Its always to lament Larry Johnson’s poor performance and off the field troubles.

So apparently the Chiefs have cheerleaders. Color me shocked.

Seriously though, if you drafted Larry Johnson anywhere in any round and didn’t expect some setbacks — be it on or off the field — then congratulations, you’re a moron. That is more indicative of a personal flaw in how you approach fantasy football than anything that has happened with Johnson or the Chiefs this season. We’re not casting aspersions here, we lost our first four weeks of the season and all our “predictions” are well documented, so obviously we’re not immune.

For instance, we took Braylon Edwards with our second overall pick under the impression that he (along with the Browns) would make the leap this season. We dismissed the fact that they had harder scheduling in 2008 than 2007 as negligible given the parity of the league, and we chose to ignore the premature hype being exhibited by both the fans and the team. Or rather, we let the hype get to us as we bought into the notion that their succession to the NFL elite would happen naturally, and Edwards would only improve, or at the very least come close to matching the 16 touchdowns he had last year.

In short, that hasn’t happened. He leads the leagues in dropped passes, and has two great weeks and one good week in the first eight games of the season. Shit, last week he had damn near 20 points and still dropped a potential touchdown pass (that’s what the genius in the booth claimed anyhow, we find it hard to believe he was breaking for the end zone when he was tackled promptly after touching the ball). So even when he has a great fantasy week its technically under-performing, because it could have been significantly better.

What I’m saying is, fantasy football, much like any other activity you may participate in, requires a degree of self-assessment. Usually if a guy has a seemingly inexplicable terrible fantasy season, there is usually something right in front of your face that you are, for whatever reason, overlooking.

That’s why the following players piss me off so very, very much.

1) Marshawn Lynch
Get fucked with a ninja blade Marshawn, you hippy prick. So let me get this straight, you are playing at home, against a defense that at best could be described as mediocre, you are one of the few backs that doesn’t share a substantial amount of carries, and you can only muster the strength to put up 16 yards rushing? Yet another nail of futility in the Buffalo sports fan’s coffin.

2) Randy Moss
We struggled with whether to put you on this list or not, given the quarterback situation and all the injuries to the backfield. But then we figured that was complete bullshit, because Dan Orvlosky is the starting quarterback in Detroit and has played half as many games (if not fewer) than Cassel has played with Moss. So fuck you, Moss, get your thumb out of your ass and demonstrate some actual concern for whether you win this season or not. They should have to worry about fumbles from Green Ellis, not you.

3) Joseph Addai
Essentially, unless you had Peyton Manning or Anthony Gonzalez (maybe Kevin Faulk), you weren’t going to be pleased with how Sunday night’s game went for you. Addai returns from injury to play a media-hyped rival, and 43 yards of offense is all you’re good for? Was I mistaken to cut Dominick Rhodes in favor of Shaun McDonald on Tuesday? Aren’t you supposedly a “beast”? Where am I getting this information from? Clearly I need to rethink my sources because none of what I’ve been led to believe is factual.

4) Plaxico Burress
You are an asset, Plax, but I’m starting to think the team might be better off without you at this point. Something in the off-season has rubbed you the wrong way, and it might be time for them to officially clean house and rid themselves of the dissatisfied triumvirate of Barber, Shockey and apparently you that existed before they won the Superbowl.
Sure, you kept quiet all last season and for most of this season (with a few obvious exceptions), but your disgruntlement seeps through in your posturing, on the field, on the sideline and the occasional interview. Because when your team drops 34 on a division rival and you only manage three catches for 34 yards, that kinship between you and Eli might be starting to fade. Knee jerk reaction? Sure. But they’ve won convincingly twice this year without you, we don’t see why they would be incapable of doing it all the way to the Superbowl.

5) Brandon Marshall
My God what an awful game. Two games for 27 yards and a ton of shit talk about one of the better defensive players in the league after he and his team made you look like Javon Walker. Congratulations on bringing a new phrase into the lexicon (popcorn muscles), we really have no idea what it means, but if you weren’t a complete reject we’d assume it was a compliment because again, you had two catches for 27 yards. Good job.

We’ll try to get to replacements later today.

At some point on this site, we’re going to follow through on a promise. Right now we’re like the Pacman Jones of sports blogging, but we’ll get better.I try to be good, I really do, but sometimes I just can’t help myself.

Here are your week nine surprise performers.

1) Peyton Hillis
He wasn’t the leading scorer this week, but the fact we’ve never heard of him before carried a lot of water. He’s a running back if you didn’t already know, but all his points came on 7 receptions for 116 yards and a touchdown. A down week from the entire NFL allowed him to finish 12 overall in scoring with those numbers, and he was projected at 1,930th, which earns him this spot even more because I had no idea there were that many people in the NFL.

That is why we have no idea who he is. He played behind Darren McFadden and Felix Jones. Must have had a good combine.

2) Tyler Thigpen
He scored more points than Hillis (that will tend to happen when a quarterback receives a touchdown), but he gets knocked down a peg because we found out who he was a few weeks ago. Sorry Thigpen, your old news ’round these parts. We just expect you to produce now. Congratulations on only barely losing, sir.

3) Donald Driver
Driver makes a grand return from the grave, snagging seven catches for 136 yards and a touchdown. We wouldn’t have won our week without him, but now we are conflicted as to who to start between him, Braylon Edwards, Colston, Vincent Jackson, Donnie Avery and Muhsin Muhammad. We should probably try to acquire some running backs.

4) Derrick Mason
Hey, anyone who has Joe Flacco throwing to him and is the leading fantasy scorer for the week deserves a spot somewhere on this list, particularly if its a receiver whose good for about two games every year. It’s partially his fault because he decided to play in Baltimore, and as a receiver you suffer those consequences. But he isn’t all to blame because who the hell could have expected the passing offense would be this bad for this long?

5) Koren Robinson
He was only 25th overall in scoring and it was mostly thanks to a fluke long touchdown. But this is Koran Robinson we’re talking about. Mr. Shakes, as I like to call him. Any weekend day not spent in a drunk tank is a good day for this troubled talent. Maybe he can turn into a viable receiving option for the Seahawks and lead them back to prominence with Hasselbeck when he returns to full health, like the Seattle faithful were expecting…I’m just kidding. We all know this team won’t be in the playoffs for at least five years. I hope you’re all excited for the Matthew Stafford era.

This was a great week for generally terrible fantasy options, so we have a rather lengthy honorable mention list:
Jeff Garcia
Anthony Gonzalez
Michael Jenkins
Joe Flacco
Chad Johnson
Ray Rice
Gus Ferotte
Eddie Royal
Antonio Bryant
Ryan Fitzpatrick
Greg Camarillo

I’d like to thank that last few reliable players in fantasy football for mailing in god-awful weeks to make this honorable mention list possible. Just when I had a shred of hope in the legitimacy of a fantasy sports game, you rip the fucking rug out from under me.

So, we promised to do a post yesterday, previewing last night’s game…and of course we never did. Frankly, I can’t figure out why anyone would read this site based on all the empty promises we throw around here. And in this instance it wasn’t that we were too busy or tired or anything else, we just forgot that we made the promise.

But a recap of it is almost as good, right? I mean, it might not help you at all with your roster, and the game was relatively boring so there isn’t much to add, but maybe it can lead into a season preview for the two teams. Alright, probably not. But its getting late in the morning and this is what we decided on. Go vote or something.

Idiots all across the country looked to this game to determine the outcome of the presidential race, as the outcome of the Redskins game the week before the election has coincided consistently who was elected. This has usurped “the curse” for the Red Sox as the longest suffering conversation piece in the sports lexicon for yours truly. In fact, any sort of conversation about sports being effected by karma or having some greater meaning tends to great on our nerves. The Red Sox didn’t win a series for damn near ninety years or whatever because Bill Buckner was clumsy, the Redskins link to the presidential election has too many qualifiers on it. You could probably find hundreds of instances in which X has happened instead of Y, thus this party was elected to the white house.

Up until 2004, when the Redskins lost their last home game that meant the incumbent party lost the election, and if they won, the incumbent party stayed. The premise that it has to be a home game means that the last game could have been up to a month before the first Tuesday in November (if you include a bye week). So the argument is, if the Redskins had lost at home at some point in the past month and it happened to be the last home game before the election, then the challenging party took the presidency. Wow, it must be fate! This even spilled over into one of our favorite television shows.

Yeah, until it isn’t because it’s something that someone sought out so they could write an article about it and everyone would talk about how astonishing it is. We need someone to find another tie in, particularly in an arena that I don’t give a shit about. Maybe some genius can find some correlation between Dancing With The Stars and who wins the White House, so we don’t have to hear everyone mention this under the impression they are being original.

As for the game itself, there wasn’t much to be said about the Redskins, who looked to be running on fumes last night. Portis ended his string of 125+ yard games, falling well below the milestone with only 51. Jason Campbell streak of games without an interception ended, and in colossal fashion with two ill-timed picks. Sure, you could accredit the glaring shortcomings to the Steelers, who still have a top five defense (we place them behind the Giants, Eagles and Titans); but the Skins just looked…inefficient. And tired, and exactly what everyone expected this team to look like at the start of the season.

The Steelers do not have any cheerleaders, the Redskins have some of the better in the league, thus your picture choice.

What I’m saying is, should you have Santana Moss, Jason Campbell or Clinton Portis, do not be surprised if their numbers start to depreciate. Especially Moss, who even after yet another down week is still second leading fantasy receiver behind Anquan Boldin. Portis is on pace for 400 carries and Campbell has been playing beyond himself ever since the Giants game that kicked off the season. In short, expect the Eagles to finish second in the division.

On the other side of the field, the Steelers look prime to challenge Tennessee for the AFC representation in the Superbowl. Additionally, do not be surprised if Leftwich is acquired by someone who has Tony Romo in your fantasy league. With a sound offensive scheme, several weapons and a qualified coach, expect him to put up some decent numbers as he has less pressure on him than any backup in recent history.

It was a night of not only departures for the Steelers, but for returns as well. The aforementioned Leftwich (who wasn’t even on a team at the beginning of the season), Santonio Holmes came back from his two week weed smoking hiatus to grab a touchdown and Parker came back from injury to get in the endzone with 71 yards rushing to boot. All contributed to a big Steelers win, on the road in a hostile Monday night venue. If you asked us to pick an AFC representative for Tampa in early February, Pittsburgh would be them.

But in all, it was a relatively boring game. Pittsburgh dominated on both sides of the ball and were very opportunistic like only a hateable team like the Steelers can be, and Washington looked like they might be end for a longer than expected eight weeks. It’s a shame, because Washington might not wear those spiffy all burgandy uniforms again for a good while.

Back with top five surprise performers from week nine later.

Damn, that was pedestrian. Comparatively speaking, we expected something different from last Sunday, but this was probably the lowest amount of total offensive output since opening week. Depending on how you score your league, there is a great chance that either Derrick Mason or Tyler Thigpen is your league’s leading fantasy scorer for week nine. Hey, remember when I made the claim that there is no accounting for any fantasy performance from any skill player because none of them are given preferential treatment anymore? Yeah, that was clearly mistaken. Everyone knew Thigpen would run up the score on Tampa (we’ll obviously have more on this later).

But that was just kind of the week it was. The matchups were odd (Houston-Minnesota. Have those two ever played before?), the injuries were fruitful and palpable, Cincinnati won (beating the suddenly lowly Jags) and we didn’t really see any monster scores put up by any team, and thus, no one player. This was the week that paid off for every nitwit in your league that drafted a defense too high.

The Jets-Bills game was a perfect example of this. They put up a total of 43 points, which consisted of two defensive touchdowns, five field goals and only two offensive touchdowns. How can one anticipate this? It’s impossible. The Jets defense has consistently been a letdown, the Bills defense is mediocre, but yet both probably scored you pretty favorable weeks relative to the rest of your league if you actually started either of them.

Even the Cowboys and their putrid D managed to put up a pick six, to give you some idea of how bizarre of a week it was. This will always and forever be the type of week that some of the worst teams in your league come through with a victory, assuming they’re still setting their roster. So naturally, we dropped a personal best on the season. If only Marques Colston could have a bye every week.

I couldn’t believe how the Titans were distributing carries. Namely where they were distributing them at. Actually, it was just one carry from the three yard line that they gave to their speed guy (Johnson) after LenDale got them downfield. Give my man his fucking due and let him reap the cheap reward for all the hard work of dragging his fat ass down the field for 54 yards. Speaking of which, what kind of fat fuck runs for 54 yards and doesn’t get in the end zone? Surprisingly he didn’t need the oxygen mask afterward, which disables us from our punchline. He must be rationing his meals to five a day instead of an over-sized three. The healthiest thing anyone has ever done from himself was when LenDale went from five quarter pounders three times a day, to three quarter pounders five times a day.

Some people think we're being too judgmental.

Other news from around the league, Cleveland managed to lose even with Braylon Edwards having a big game, which basically means they’re hopeless. Their defense made Derrick Mason, with Joe Flacco throwing to him, look like Cris Carter in ‘98. That is how you blow a 14 point lead with less than two quarters to go and manage to not surprise anyone.

In other disappointing for their fans news, the Broncos managed to lose at home to the Dolphins, which I guess we have to quit being surprised by (on both ends of the stick). As of right now, Denver has a lead in the AFC west with a 4-4 record, making that conference the worst in the league in a landslide. When Oakland is 2-6 without a single viable fantasy player (at least not by our standards), and is only two games out of the division lead, you know you’ve fallen from greatness. At least the NFC west is producing the Cardinals, who are on pace for a 10-6 season.

But there wasn’t much of a theme yesterday other than a deeper delve into fantasy whirlwind of nothingness. Right now I am waiting for the first ever six receiver set. Sure, it might be against the rules, but I think its time someone tried to slip it by the refs. Enough with these “rules” and “limitations”, we need literally a roll of the dice to determine how we’re going to fair from one play to the next. It’s time we bring Urban Meyer up from the college ranks and get him and his unpleasant demeanor to convince the rest of the cronies running the NFL that this is for the best.

Preview of tonight’s game later.