Fantasy Football

And we’re back as promised. I have no idea why other than to serve our OCD. But the NFL has spent so much time and effort on this Playoff fantasy Challenge that I think it’s starting to take its toll on us. We’re now doing the devil’s bidding. Helping the corporate machine indoctrinate the masses. Or at least we would be if anyone ever read this site. I wish I could tell you they were paying me. But no, this is painfully being done of my own volition.

But anyhow, the concept is quite simple. The game allots you 300 units to use on whichever players you see fit. Their values fluctuate based on their performance during the season. Once the playoffs start, you are locked in to those eight players for wild card week. After that, you have eight moves to use at your discretion. The one entry amongst the hundreds of thousands that are sure to participate wins a trip to the Superbowl in sorta sunny, sorta enviable Tampa Bay.

I could think of worse places to spend the first week of February.

The premise is simple in theory but difficult in practice. Obviously you want to take players representing teams that you believe have the potential to advance far in the playoffs, but you do not want to put all your chips in one basket (if that team loses, you’re stuck unloading a good portion of your moves in one week), nor do you want to take just any player off a team that you think will reach the Superbowl, but doesn’t score a lot of points (after all, you have eight transactions at your disposal). It’s something of a balancing act, really.

If you’re at all interested, this is how my roster currently looks:

Matt Ryan: He came relatively cheap at 49 units. I wanted Peyton Manning, but the disparity between what Manning can do to the Chargers and what Ryan can do to the Cardinals isn’t as great as what I expect to see out of some of my other players relative to what their peers offer.

Adrian Peterson: At 50 units he’s fairly affordable as he’s probably the most consistent player in the NFL. I fully expect them to lose, but I just can’t envision a scenario in which he doesn’t explode in his playoff debut, especially since it’s at home. To me, the potential value he offers is worth the likelihood that it will be a one shot deal. I also have my suspicions about Philly, but we’ll get to that tomorrow.

Michael Turner: In short, he’s playing in a dome against a team that hasn’t been able to stop anyone for awhile, especially anyone out of division. Reportedly the Cardinals still have 8,000 tickets available for this game, so I really wouldn’t expect the crowd to be a factor. Not that the crowd has ever been a factor with the Arizona Cardinals.

Vincent Jackson: This is somewhat of a gamble, but he’s playing a team that the Chargers tend to fare well against (at least offensively), he’s at home, and he is a game-breaker. Basically, if San Diego is going to win this game, they’re going to need Jackson and Chambers to deliver in what will all likelihood be a shootout.

Reggie Wayne: He didn’t play too much in Indy’s annual week 17 exhibition. I fully expect him to have used the week off to prepare for a match up against what’s probably the second worst defense in the playoffs. Also, he needs to save some face from a rather disappointing season. Obviously, if you get word that he isn’t playing, go with someone else. But much like with Vincent Jackson, if the Colts are going to win this game, they’re going to need their wide receivers to produce.

Dallas Clark: Simply put, he’s been on a tear lately. And when Indy throws short yardage touchdowns (inside the five), it inevitably is thrown to Clark in a 4 wide diversion set (I just made that phrase up). Also, see Wayne and Jackson.

Neil Rackers: He’s playing at home, made 21 of his last 22 (the one he missed was a 68-yard free kick to end a half against the Giants). Not to mention, I had Vinateri and dropped him in favor of Rackers because I didn’t want three people from the same squad.

Philadelphia’s Defense: Well, they’re playing Tavaris Jackson. In other words, I am hoping for some interceptions and forced fumbles a la the week 17 Cowboys game. I understand it’s somewhat counter-intuitive to take Philly’s defense while the best player I selected is on the opposite side of the ball, but I am hoping Tavaris Jackson will make it all work out for me.

This is all subject to change, so I wouldn’t put too much stock into it (like, for instance, I just noticed that passing touchdowns are worth the same as receiving and rushing touchdowns. Peyton Manning here I come!). But it’s as enjoyable as any other type of low stakes gambling I’ve ever participated in. So even though I am really doing this strictly for the purposes of this here website, I’m not actively regretting it.

Back tomorrow with wild card previews.

Happy new year’s, kids. I hope all is well with you in 2009 and that the evening ends up as eventful as you want it to be. We’ll probably end up going out and drinking and whatnot. But we’d be lying if we said we weren’t tempted to stay home and watch what is scheduled to arrive via Netflix today. Odds are we would if it was offered in Blu-Ray.

Yeah, this could keep us indoors on New Year's.

But enough about social endeavors, let us get to what this site is going to look like come playoff time. Which I suppose is now. Basically, we’re going to be posting at the same frequency (roughly 1.3 times per weekday) but we’ll try to make everything a little more detailed. That is, instead of throwing every game into a single post, we’ll attempt to post on each game individually. Whether we’re going to be able to do this for wild card week remains to be proven.

Also, even though the fantasy football season ended for something like 95% of you on or before week 17, we’ll still be dolling out fantasy advice along with our picks against the line. If you were fortunate enough to find a league that continues into the NFL playoffs or if you’re like us and participating in this NFL.com playoff challenge (more on this later), then maybe you can get something out of it. If not, then don’t read. That’s fine. See what I care. Pssh, whatever. I didn’t want you to read, anyways.

As for line picks, the goal is 11-0. But the realistic expectation is above .500. For whatever reason, we’re feeling confident about calling these games. Which means we’re staring down the barrel of an 0-11 season. As ridiculous as the movie was, Two For The Money brought up a decent point (at least in terms of sports gambling) in that when you begin to get overconfident in where to place your money, that’s when you start to bottom out.

Anyhow, we’ll start posting on them tomorrow, and I’m sure everyone’s top priority on New Year’s Day isn’t watching meaningless college bowl games, but reading this site for gambling/fantasy advice.

If you’re wondering what our plans were for the off-season, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to leave you spinning in the wind. Because I haven’t the slightest clue, myself. We’ll probably write plenty on the draft and off-season acquisitions/signings that will effect the incoming fantasy season. But, Jesus, everyday? Is that even remotely possible? We’ll probably end up resorting to our more satirical posts, like the ongoing adventures of Larry Johnson, who may have and epic six months of downtime on the horizon.

So, line picks, fantasy recommendations, NFL.com fantasy playoff challenge, 2009 draft. If we can’t find the material to post consistently, then it might be time for us to find another tertiary income stream.

Back with an overview of the NFL.com fantasy playoff challenge later today.

And so ends another year of fantasy football. We’ve had some highs (a six game winning streak) some lows (an 0-4 start that basically kept us out of regular season money) and we owe it all to the Gods of the NFL. And when I say Gods, I mean Bill Walsh, the recently fired Mike Shanahan and everyone else responsible for the standard NFL offensive format (their all pretty much the same).

The luck factor to this season far exceeded that of any before it. At this point, we don’t even want a first round draft pick. We’re like Jimmy Johnson looking to unload Herschel Walker on whatever gullible sap we can put them on for middle-tier picks. I mean, who is instilling any confidence at the running back and receiver positions going into next season? Obviously Adrian Peterson, but after that? We’re looking at Maurice Jones-Drew, DeAngelo Williams and Brian Westbrook. I really don’t feel like any of those three options merit a first round pick.

At receiver it’s worse. I shit you not when I say that Calvin Johnson tied Larry Fitzgerald for the league lead in reception touchdowns. That’s right, the league leader in receiving touchdowns was also a member of the first ever 0-16 team in the history of the NFL. Some might say that this would make him a surefire first rounder next season, but he still plays for the Lions and seems to speak to the randomness of fantasy football. Anquan Boldin tied Randy Moss for second. A receiver who was injured so severely that he basically had a second skull inserted into his head, was one touchdown away from being the league leader, and he would have undoubtedly gotten it if he didn’t miss four games to said injury.

So, who are you liking at receiver? Obviously Braylon Edwards is off the books. Terrell Owens had ten touchdowns but didn’t crack 70 receptions. Not to mention he’s getting old and is unhappy. And we all know what that means: When Terrell Owens isn’t happy, no one’s happy. Somehow he has managed to make himself the unreasonably demanding girlfriend to the Cowboys needy and desperate boyfriend. My guess is the aforementioned Calvin Johnson tops a lot of boards, along with Fitzgerald (though his quarterback situation looks to be in peril), Andre Johnson (who’s as injury prone as anyone), Wes Welker (though he only got in the end zone thrice) and Brandon Marshall (Jesus, really?). Again, I’m just not feeling confident with any of those to comfortably use a first rounder on.

I really think, and this could be completely turned on its head at the start of next season, going with a quarterback in the first round is the safest bet you’re going to find. Depending on how everything shapes out, if you can snag Tom Brady/Matt Cassel, Drew Brees, Jay Cutler, Philip Rivers or Peyton Manning in the first round, you might be well advised to do so. It feels like for everyone of those receivers and running backs mentioned above, you can get someone comparable in later rounds (not to mention get lucky with someone like one of the dozens of players I could name but won’t take the time too). But their is a much bigger drop off from a top-tier to a second-tier quarterback.

/Wild, premature speculation.

Anyhow, just to prove my point, here are five players that probably let you down tremendously in your championship game, written in the same vein as this site.

1) Wes Welker
Just who do you think you are, Wes? You think because it’s snowing you can disappear in a pivotal week 17 game against the Bills? The Bills, Wes? You live in the northeast now, alright. Where the weather can push the ball to the right or left six to eight inches, so buck up and fucking deal with it. Either step-up or prepare to be stepped off, because Robert Craft will fire your ass like you work on an assembly line. Don’t think because you’re white you’ll get any preferential treatment. This isn’t the 1950’s. Two catches for 26 yards is considered a shit game under any circumstances. David Duke wouldn’t want you on his team with those kinds of numbers.

2) Brian Westbrook
Wow, didn’t I just anoint you top five running back status? And how do you repay me? With 62 yards of total offense and a lost fumble? Thanks for returning the favor, man. I could have ran for sixty yards against a team throwing the game. You might have had me fooled with your ankle breaking cuts and combination of strength and speed, but I’m onto you Brian. No one this proficient was ever supposed to come out of Villanova’s football program. You hear me? Nobody. So take your false modesty and head back to the nation’s capital. We hear they love a two-faced aging professional there.

3) Frank Gore
Oooh, 1,400 yards of total offense this season. If it was 1970 I’d be impressed. Also, can we put an asterisk next to your name in the record books so everyone knows that 80% of your production came in about six games of the season? No? Well fuck you then, Frank. I’m onto your Miami-ness. It’s only a matter of time before Mike Singletary puts you out of your injury prone misery with a nice, vibrant pink slip. Especially if all we’re going to get out of you is 64 yards of offense.

4) Maurice Jones-Drew
Considering you’re only five feet tall, do you think you have any longevity in this league? Seriously, you’re career might make Ki-Jana Carter look like Emmit Smith. If anything, We’ll probably see Jacksonville draft another running back to take some of the pressure off Tonttu here, the mischievous miscreant of the Jacksonville Jaguars backfield. Or at least, if we continue down the path that results in 88 yards and a lost fumble,

A visual approximation to what Jones-Drew would look like if he were Finnish.

5) Brandon Marshall
Does one even qualify for this list if he’s always on it? We grapple with this every week for Marshall, Marvin Harrison, Cris Cooley and anyone on the Browns. But Brandon, you managed to finish third in the league in total receptions, how is it that your fantasy output barely breaks the shoe size of a two year-old. Don’t think because you have one of the cooler sounding names in the NFL we won’t call you out on your bullshit. 6 catches for 55 yards? Thanks for not getting shut out against one of the worst defenses in the league. I really appreciate it.

Honorable mention: Jamal Lewis, Vincent Jackson, Matt Forte, Willis McGahee, Clinton Portis & Santana Moss.

Back tomorrow with playoff previews.

We’ll just come out and apologize for the lack of fantasy perspective in this post, we’ll get back to our roots later today.

Looking back on what I wrote yesterday, it was certainly an eventful week of NFL football. In fact, unless you include the end of college football’s 2007 season, I can’t recall a more eventful weekend. It was the perfect storm of match-ups, confidence and ineptitude. Those only come around every so often. It almost makes me wish that while I was at that bar on Sunday, I would’ve paid closer attention to the full slate of games, rather than ignoring everything else to crack stupid jokes about the awfulness of the Lions. Who at this point seem to be so pitiable that everyone is afraid to make fun of them. It’s an unusual phenomenon for the NFL set, really.

But I think Lions fans really need to quit bitching already. Need I remind you, you went 4-0 in the pre-season? How quickly we all forget our accomplishments when we’re looking for something to complain about.

In all seriousness though, I’m only half kidding. Going 4-0 in the pre-season before the same season that you go 0-16 has to stand as one of the greater achievements from the Matt Millen era. He, Marinelli and the rest of the team that isn’t Kevin Smith or Calvin Johnson (and really even the two of them) have to be feeling pretty ecstatic about the fact that it was such a monumental weekend of football, because it doesn’t feel like this is getting quite the attention it deserves.

The good news is, they can only improve.

But onward and upward, Lions fans. For 2008, to the best of my knowledge you have two first rounders, at least one second rounder, two third rounders and two sixth rounders (Thanks Dallas!). So a turnaround could come abruptly (See: Falcons, Dolphins, Ravens in the post-season) if they draft properly. I recommend either getting a real coach (*coughBillCowhercough*) to oversee the draft or bringing in a consultant to make sure you do not draft Michael Crabtree 1st overall. Do not get me wrong, Crabtree has difference making potential in the NFL. But none of you need him. And if you’re going to draft him, for the love of Christ have a trade lined up before you do. With the Lions this season and given that this year’s class is exceptionally deep, quantity is just as important as quality.

But if they can’t get a coach with a respectable track record with these sort of things, I recommend bringing in a consultant. And not a celebrity consultant like the Jets did with Larry David. I mean a real NFL adviser. Some grizzled vet who lives and breathes NFL prospects. They really cannot overpay this person. Because if they do not capitalize on that heist of the Cowboys earlier in the season, if you’re a Lions fan you can officially lose all hope.

Alright, enough about the Lions.

Speaking of the Dolphins, I haven’t paid as much attention to this story as I should have for a couple reasons: 1) It seems like it happens twice every season at this point, but never to this degree. That is, that a team makes a miraculous turnaround from one season to the next, usually with the introduction of a new coach. 2) I haven’t seen the Dolphins play a single down of live football all season.

Never the less, the rebound is quite remarkable. It’s going to be a shame when they fire Tony Sparano in under five years. Because that’s what NFL teams do. They bring in a coach, anoint him as the savior, they inevitably hit a rough patch some years down the line or fail to follow-up the success of the turnaround season with similar results the next year, the team and city panic and fire the coach because he is the easiest person to blame and the people running football are generally ex-players who’ve been hit in the head too many times and have no short-term memory. But hey, it was a good run. I don’t know, maybe Bill Parcells will bring a modicum of sanity to the front office and NFL teams will follow suit, but I’m not all that optimistic that we’ll see this happen. Immediate results are the name of the day in the NFL.

I was watching some NFL show on ESPN, as is the furthest thing from my wont. And I can’t remember who it was, but they were talking about the Browns firing Crennel, and whether or not they will be patient with the next coach that comes in. Now the Browns are probably too patient, at least compared to the rest of the league. But it isn’t a matter of a franchise being patient anymore, it’s just a matter of being reasonable. Will this team give their newly hired coach a fair shake or will they demand Belichick like results within the first season? I actually think what the Dolphins did this season will just raise the bar for new coaches. Improve our team’s record by ten wins in the first season or you’re fucking outta here, pal.

What we do find strange is that of all the coaches that are bound to be preemptively fired (for now, just Eric Mangini), Wade Philips is not one of them. Here is a coach with what most would deem one of the five most talented teams in the NFL (I do not necessarily agree, but whatever), his season ends with them playing for the final playoff spot and it results in them being humiliated on what was basically national television, he plays for one who fancies himself to be the shrewdest owner in the NFL…and he gets to keep his job?

Now, I do not think much of any of the parties involved here. Be it Jones, Phillips or the collective offensive and defensive units of the Cowboys. But everyone else (including Jones) would tell you that the ‘boys are sporting the best of everything. Phillips is the only person here who isn’t a marquee name and everyone would agree he’s at least partially to blame…so what gives? Is Jones still intent on eventually handing the reins over to Jason Garrett, but can’t justify it right now?

He can do whatever he wants, but Jerry Jones likes high profile names and media attention, Phillips offers neither of those things nor does he seem to be having a positive effect on the team. And the only explanation I can come up with is Garrett’s stock is probably even lower, especially after Romo and Owens question the play-calling from Sunday’s decimation. Which I find kind of hysterical. I’ve mentioned several times that the infatuation Jerry Jones has for Jason Garrett is inexplicably baffling. He has no credentials, no experience, no track-record as a player or even an assistant, and his star seems completely man made by one person: his employer.

But at the same time, you do not lose 44-6 and pin it solely on a coordinator. As much as I believe Jerry Jones is overrating Garrett (and anyone else who’s bought into the hype), I certainly doubt he drew up three plays for Tony Romo to fumble the ball and throw a pick-six. I mean, he’s bad but he’s no saboteur, at least I don’t think he is. Tony Romo just isn’t that good, I don’t know why this is so hard for everyone to except. But yeah, maybe if you publicly complain about the offensive scheme post-game, no one will remember how terrible you executed while the game was taking place. Nice PR job, Rosenhaus.

Anyhow, I think between this and yesterday’s post that should cover just about everything. Well, except for the Raiders beating the Buccaneers. Something we didn’t even consider but apparently we should have since they lost three straight heading into that game. Beat the Raiders and you become the third team from your division to make the playoffs, it’s that simple. And they pissed away the playoffs because that proved to be too daunting of a task. After looking at the record for west coast teams traveling east, all you can really say is that they were a fraud to begin with, and didn’t deserve to be in the playoffs in the first place. One of the few instances of justice actually being served in the NFL.

Back with a top five from week 17 later today.

Naturally, we got a quirky finale to a quirky season. The teams contending for the playoffs that you expected to show up failed to do so, and those that you had diminished expectations for managed to tear the roof off of whatever building they were playing in. This seems to be true for everyone, of course, except for the Broncos. Whom everyone — except for me, of course — fully expected to shit the bed, and the shit the bed they did. Actually, I’m not sure you can consider what the Broncos did failing to meet expectations. They’ve had the second worst defense all season this side of the Lions.

Speaking of which, managed to reach the 0-16 milestone, becoming the first team in NFL history to do so. Some of us were skeptical that the Packers would actually come through with a win, as they’ve been tremendously disappointing themselves (even more so than the Lions, to be honest). But no, the Lions proved just how inept they were, failing to capitalize on opportunity after opportunity, all the way until the bitter end when Ryan Grant fumbled the ball ten yards downfield in between five defenders, only for some receiver to squeeze in and recover it right at the goal line. In all fairness to them they were looking mighty disheveled after the 70 yard touchdown reception from Donald Driver.

We actually dragged ourselves to a bar to watch this game (the first time that’s happened all season), and we were amazed at the lack of concern with a team about to make the record books. If you do not know already, we live in Columbus, Ohio. Which is basically a homogenization of Browns fans, Bengals fans, Steelers fans, then a handful of fans for teams like the Packers, Cowboys and bandwagon Patriots fans. This particular bar though, consisted mainly of Bengals fans, as their game wasn’t being aired locally in favor of the Browns-Steelers slugfest. Now, I’m not usually one to criticize, but the only game more pitiable than the Lions-Packers was the Chiefs-Bengals.

At least in the Lions game, we had a team putting the finishing touches on the worst era for a professional franchise, potentially ever. And a team hoping to fend off embarrassment. The Bengals-Chiefs game offered nothing in the way of intrigue or hope or entertainment. It was just two teams with no hope for 2009 going through the motions and waiting for it to be over. Now I understand that everyone has “their team”, and that usually takes precedence over everything else.

But I don’t much care where I reside, when the Chiefs-Bengals is on 40% of the televisions, and that glorious Packers-Lions matchup for the record books is relegated to just one television you could fit inside an Apollo shuttle, then everything is wrong. The owners of the establishment, the people watching the Bengals game, the city, the state, the world. Anywhere and to anyone this makes sense to, is wrong. It also says something about Bengals fans that they would show up in mass to bother watching what “their team” is currently producing. What I’m trying to say is, I need to move.

Take heed though, Lions fans. As while you may have just finished the worst season in NFL history, you were by no means the worst team. No, that honor belongs to the other team in Ohio: the Cleveland Browns.

Have to wait 'til next year, son.

Your eternal optimist might say, “at least they didn’t go all season without scoring a touchdown”, but they would be conveniently overlooking the fact that in a loss, Detroit put up more points in Green Bay than the Browns had put up in the last six games. In short, they were right to clean house while the game was going on. For all their potential, they managed to end the season as the worst team in the league, and that usually starts at the top.

But enough about the failures of the NFL, lets talk about the winners. The Panthers clinched a bye with a last second field goal, the Vikings clinched the division with the same. The Dolphins and Ravens both clinched playoff births with wins over the Jets and Jags, effectively barring an 11-5 Patriots team from the playoffs in favor of an 8-8 AFC West Champion. The Bears cost themselves a playoff spot because they couldn’t beat the 8-8 Texans (the team that represents what the NFL wants every team to be) who along with the Cowboys handed over the final wild card spot to the once lowly Eagles. As in, last week the Eagles were pretty lowly.

I mentioned last week that these two teams were of the more erratic variety offered by the NFL, and holy shit did the Cowboys prove me right. Really, it wasn’t so much that the Eagles just came out gangbusters thrashing a team that everyone has a love-hate complex with. No, Dallas simply played the least inspired football of all season relative to their talent (well, outside of the Browns, of course).

Really it shouldn’t come as any surprise. For the past two seasons, the Dallas Cowboys have played football rather haphazardly. Sporting what’s akin to a “too cool for school” approach to the game. That came back on them ten-fold last night in Philly. You could really pin the blame on three people for the loss, which is remarkable considering how bad it was: Tony Romo, Pacman Jones and Wade Phillips. Romo, whose clearly never going to be the quarterback everyone wants him to be, had two turnovers that resulted in defensive touchdowns, which wasn’t exactly shocking considering the game had playoff implications. He’s been doing it all season, but scrambling around in the backfield with the ball extended two feet away from his body finally caught up to him.

Pacman Jones was responsible for an unnecessary roughness penalty and a turnover that resulted in ten points for the Eagles late in the second quarter, effectively taking whatever wind was left in Dallas’ sails. And Wade Phillips did absolutely nothing to counteract all of this on the sideline. In all, the team had five turnovers (four fumbles and one interception), Romo and Pacman were responsible for four of them.

But really, the entire team looked indifferent. Part of that is the players a team like Dallas actively seeks out, and part of that is the result of ineffective coaching. Let me be on record as saying that hiring Jason Garrett to coach this team will be an unmitigated disaster, and we’re not going to see a turnaround unless they can bring in Bill Cowher or someone of that ilk to manage the clusterfuck of egomaniacs Jerry Jones currently employs.

As a casual Eagles fan I know my sole reaction to all of this is supposed to be glee, but when Romo fumbled for the second time and slammed his fists into the same ground that his face was buried in, we really thought we might see some carnage on the sidelines. It was painful to watch, especially if you know any Cowboys fans or were in close proximity to any at the time. All I can say is, do not listen to our fantasy advice any more. The season is over for 90% of us so it’s moot anyways. But we’re wrong much more frequently than we’re right, and it’s at a point now where we either have to convince our employer to change the URL, or recuse ourselves from Talking Fantasy Football altogether.

Anyhow, we apologize for the lack of fantasy discussion. We’ll try to post again later today to compensate.

Here’s the second slate of games for the last weekend of the NFL regular season. I can’t really call it the second “half”, because their is only six of them. Thank the NFL and their absurd scheduling for this gross inequity in the two posts. I’m not assuming blame for this. See this? (rubs hands together vigorously) This is me washing my hands of the situation. I will not be held responsible.

Home teams in CAPS.

NEW YORK JETS -3 Miami
Line Pick: I know New York is destined to win this game, just to piss me off, but good lord have they looked terrible. Are they getting three just because there will probably be snow on the ground? That seems awfully tentative. I guess I’ll go with common consensus just because the Jets couldn’t sink any lower than they have, and they have won games against New England and Tennessee. But I do not feel good about it. At all.

Fantasy Advice: I would not suspect anyone other than Ronnie Brown and Thomas Jones are going to have solid fantasy games here. Maybe Dustin Keller or Coles will do right by you, but it doesn’t really feel like it has the makings of a high scoring game.

PHILADELPHIA -1.5 Dallas
Line Pick: This is a brutal game to pick. Both are going to go full throttle. Just because. Not for any particular or tangible reason (though I suppose Dallas could still make the playoffs, I have no idea what the tiebreakers are and everything). The only team with playoff talent that is more finicky than Dallas is Philadelphia, but Philly’s at home and it should be in extreme conditions…We’ll take Philly to cover, mostly because we want to see Dallas barred from the post-season. Not because we have any strong convictions one way or the other.

Fantasy Advice: Philly has a top three secondary and a questionable run defense, so go with Tashard Choice assuming Barber is still sidelined. Owens’ vindictiveness is unparallel, so you might see him break off a long overdue two touchdown game. Witten should have a big game because Philly’s linebackers do not offer much in the way of pass coverage. Otherwise…I think you’re looking at a standard fantasy guessing game. Curtis and DeSean Jackson are both worth considering, but look at Philly’s point totals for the past six games: 13, 7, 48, 20, 30 & 3. It warrants mentioning that the only two home games in that mix were the 30 & 48, but those were against Cleveland and Arizona. As much as we like to mock Dallas’ defense, they run circles around the two of them.

Ladies and gentlemen, your 2008 Dallas Cowboys.

Basically what I’m saying is, I have no idea what the fuck I’m talking about.

ARIZONA -6 Seattle
Line Pick: Wow. I guess I have to take Seattle given how Arizona has looked as of late. But have the Cardinals sunk so low that they can’t find the heart to beat a team in their own beshitted division? I think they may have. And anyhow, they can still win, just by less than two field goals. They only beat the Seahawks by six in Seattle, and that was a month and a half ago when people were still buying into the Cardinals as a legitimate playoff contender. Yeah, we’re feeling confident in the Seahawks now. Nice job, Cardinals.

Fantasy Advice: Despite the pick of the Seahawks, we like virtually every startable Cardinal to produce. Unless they’re playing the Vikings, they seem to be a little more comfortable at home. Or rather, they look like they’re in outer space when on the road. Which is ironic, because I’m pretty sure that dome they play in used to orbit the moon. On the Seahawks side of the ball, everyone and no one is viable. This Cardinals defense could give up 40 to the Lions at this point, but we’re still talking about Seneca Wallace here. Despite the piss poor defense, I’d be hunting for alternatives.

SAN FRANSISCO -3 Washington
Line Pick: I’m taking the Niners specifically because they’re not the team traveling cross country. I think this game will prove just how inexplicable every game the Eagles play seems to be and confirm Mike Singletary’s return to San Fran next year where he can set the blog world ablaze with his unorthodox motivation tactics, and insipid reporters can ask him awkward an misinformed questions about his departed idols.

Fantasy Advice: I don’t really have any sleepers to recommend, unless you still consider Isaac Bruce a sleeper. I don’t think you can, since he has managed to crack 20 fantasy points in three of his last five games, and he broke ten fantasy points in the other two he didn’t manage a touchdown. If you have any faith in a Washington offensive player that isn’t named Clinton Portis, then you’re a better man than I.

BALTIMORE -12.5 Jacksonville
Line Pick: I think with San Diego now having a chance to make the playoffs and the Browns residing in Cleveland, we can safely say that Jacksonville was the biggest disappointment of the season. A 12.5 point dog to a team with a rookie quarterback, and to be honest, I don’t know if it is big enough. Last year, in this same situation, I don’t think Balmer even scores 13 points, now they’re favored to win by that much. Unreal. And yeah, we’re picking the Ravens.

Fantasy Advice: So it appears I can’t mock Jacksonville receivers anymore. At least not Dennis Northcutt at home against the softest defense making the playoffs this side of Arizona, San Diego & Denver. So yeah, we expect him to be shutdown and shutout, because he’s their best option now. We tend to think even Jones-Drew is going to struggle in this game, despite getting all the carries because Fred Taylor finally remembered he’s in his fifties. The Ravens are supporting a healthy stable of running backs that are sure to see a lot of yards and a lot of carries. And based on Reggie Wayne finally producing last week, we like Derrick Mason and Michael Clayton to have similar performances.

SAN DIEGO -8 Denver
Line Pick: The Sunday night game couldn’t be more appropriate. Two underachieving teams struggling to win the second worst division in football. We like the Chargers to ultimately win this, but 8 is entirely too high. Denver is still coached by Mike Shanahan and they still have Jay Cutler. Not to mention that San Diego is a tad prone to losing home games in dramatic (traumatic?) fashion. Yeah, they really should pull out the W if for no other reason than their defense can occasionally (if infrequently) make a stop. When they played at the beginning of the season Denver won by a single point at 39-38, not that much has changed. San Diego to win, Denver to cover.

Fantasy Advice: I’m not sure what the fantasy equivalent of “bet the farm” is, but do that. Anyone whose anyone I would start in this game. Except for the defenses, of course.

That’s it for the week, enjoy the games. We’ll be back on Monday to do a retrospective of sorts.

Alright, we managed to find the time to post the first half of our picks today. So brace yourselves, the holidays are about to get explicit. And by explicit, I mean slightly sarcastic and pessimistic. Oh yeah, it’s going to be crazy.

Also, I know the holidays are a time for self-reflection and giving. So I would just like that reflect on the fact that I went 11-5 last week, and give anyone who actually reads this site some more advice to put them in the red. We didn’t do so hot in the Sunday afternoon-Monday night games (a shittastic 3-4), but damn near swept the Thursday night-early Sunday games (a virile 8-1, God damn, Niners. I’m probably the first person all season that this team actually induced anger rather than pity from).

That brings our season (AKA five week) record to 43-33-4. I know it’s completely invalid to make exceptions like this, but if you took out our one losing week, we’d be sporting a 38-24-2 record. Not to be too self-aggrandizing, but if you had put $50 on every game and taken our picks for those four weeks and for some reason didn’t heed our advice in week 15, you’d be up a little less than $700. Again, you’re welcome.

Anyhow, onto the picks. These are always tentative because you have to adjust your expectations based on who is going to rest their starters and who isn’t. Usually you can make an educated guess, as an example: I suspect this Titans-Colts game might be a race to see whose least interested in winning. I certainly wouldn’t use it as a barometer for whose going to the Superbowl.

ATLANTA -14.5 St. Louis
Line Pick: This Rams team has really been pissing me off as of late. I don’t think I’ve correctly picked for or against them in the past three weeks, and its usually been some fluky bullshit as to why not. But with Atlanta soundly in the playoffs, I think I like St Louis to cover. That is lacking confidence to be sure, because this Rams team is awful and the Falcons might want to put on a spectacle for the home crowd. But St. Louis is going to be trying, as they seem to like Jim Haslett enough to want to convince management to keep him around. I have no idea how you justify that, though. Either putting money on this or keeping Haslett.

Fantasy Advice: Well, I like Jerious Norwood to just wreck this already hobbling St. Louis defense. While Atlanta might want to win convincingly, there is no doubt in my mind that their going to play it safe with both Matt Ryan and Michael Turner. If you are actively participating in a championship game, bench virtually everyone whose isn’t in a contest contingent on making the playoffs. On the St. Louis side I can’t recommend anyone. There are too many available replacement players and backups that would serve you better than anything the Rams can guarantee.

New England -6.5 BUFFALO
Line Pick: Now this is dicey. I could totally see a scenario where Buffalo closes out the season being bracket buster to both the Patriots and the Broncos, getting their fans all riled up as the season winds down, then either moving to Toronto or having an epic collapse from their current state of mediocrity in 2009. On the other hand, this is the Patriots competing for a playoff spot against a team that is 1-5 in division. We’ll take the Pats to win by roughly ten or twelve, and get snubbed from the playoffs while a team they trounced last week by 37 hosts a wild card game.

Fantasy Advice: I don’t know, we’ll definitely find out how similar to Tom Brady Matt Cassel can be in this game. Basically you can’t go wrong with any of the stalwarts in this game. But since they run four different running backs and are playing a team a tad more interested than the Cardinals, I’d stay away from all of them. Also, I’m a little concerned about the Bills. I have no idea the strength of Belichick’s will, and if he wants to clobber his opponent in this game just so he and Boston Sports Nation can get all petulant about not being in the playoffs, then I’m afraid that is completely possible. Much like the Rams, I’d probably avoid every player on the Bills.

CINCINNATI -3 Kansas City
Line Pick: These are two teams that have looked a little more lively just in time for the season to end. We have no idea how motivated either of them are going to be, but we’ll take the Chiefs solely because they’re getting points. Also, Cinncy might be a little over-confident after being the fifth consecutive defense to shut out the Browns. I wish I was kidding.

Fantasy Advice: This seems like the type of game that Housh would shine in, and that KC defense has a lot of holes. You probably aren’t going to go wrong with either him or Benson. For KC, do we have any idea who there go to guy in the backfield is? Is it Larry Johnson? I swear I haven’t heard his name mentioned for about two months now. Go Dwayne Bowe or do not even bother with this team.

If it wasn't for that Lions game, this game might induce the most suicides. Now both franchises can just thank God they're not the Lions or Packers.

GREEN BAY -9.5 Detroit
Line Pick: The sadists game of the week. We do not care how bad this Lions team is, we expect them to at least come out of the gate with some intensity. Hopefully that will carry over into the second half. We’ll take them to cover, and potentially (but probably not) beat a Green Bay team that just might consider the 2008 affair a disappointment. I can’t bet on this game, though. It feels immoral. Almost like wagering on bum fights or something.

Fantasy Advice: Kevin Smith should be useful, as should Calvin Johnson. We don’t want to get to excited with recommending you start Detroit Lions, though. For the Packers, as is the case with every team playing the Lions, everyone is a viable candidate. With Green Bay’s receivers, it’s tough to pick just one. We say you hedge your bets on this. If you have Greg Jennings, also plug in James Jones to improve your position with Aaron Rodgers.

Tennessee -3 INDIANAPOLIS
Line Pick: This might be the closest thing to a circus we’ve seen from two playoff bound teams. Both Jeff Fisher and Tony Dungy are way too pragmatic to actually give a shit about making a week 17 “statement”. Let me put it this way, whoever wins this game will probably lose if they square off again in the post-season. At least if both teams are trying. Since Indy seems to have struggled regularly with pedestrian teams (Lions, Jags, Browns, Chargers, Texans), well take the Titans to cover. Though there is no way we’re taking Indy to beat them in the playoffs so don’t listen to us. We’re a walking bag of contradictions.

Fantasy Advice: Anthony Gonzalez. That’s all I’m going to say for the Colts. He seems to be their only offensive weapon that is listed as questionable/probable/doubtful every week, so the risk in playing him is considerably lower. Also: Dallas Clark. Who was for this the first time since his injury listed as questionable for last weeks game against the Jags. As a result he ripped off over 100 yards receiving and a touchdown. For the Titans, this might be a LenDale White special. If it starts to get embarrassing (for him and the Titans), they might put in a third stringer or even Johnson for a handful of carries. Really, though, I like White going against this run defense.

MINNESOTA -6.5 New York Giants
Line Pick: Uhhh, I know they’ve clinched everything but this is still the Giants that the Vikings are playing, right? You know, the same Giants that went full throttle in week 17 against the Pats last year even though they couldn’t improve their position as the 6th seed in the NFC. Given, the circumstances are different. But the idea of the Giants being a 6.5 point dog is a little too much for me to accept when Tavaris Jackson is quarterbacking the opposing team. I’ll roll the dice on the team that has nothing to play for, simply because I think should they meet again, the Giants would rather play the Bears than a team with Adrian Peterson coming out of the backfield.

Fantasy Advice: Well, Adrian Peterson, of course. Ahmad Bradshaw (who’s a perfectly suitable starter, much less a backup) should see a lot more carries than usual. Derrick Ward needs 52 yards to break 1,000, so that might be incentive for Coughlin to play him more than he should, unless the front office intervenes because there’s a bonus to be had if he breaks that milestone. It’s a judgment call, really. I also like both tight ends for differing reasons.

Carolina -3 NEW ORLEANS
Line Pick: Yeah, we like New Orleans to win this outright. We still are not all that enamored of Carolina, especially on the road. And New Orleans is still trying to put Drew Brees over the 5,000 yard mark for the season. Not to mention they’re 6-1 at home (accounting for all but one of their wins) and have an offense that’s as potent as any in the league. Oh, and Carolina’s coming off a game where they gave up over 300 yards on the ground. I don’t care who you are, if you’re giving up that many rushing yards, then I expect to see a Lions or Chiefs logo next to your name, not an emblem that indicates you’ve already clinched a playoff spot.

Fantasy Advice: Everyone seems to be a viable candidate in this game. I would steer clear of Jonathan Stewart, however. I know the Saints have a shaky run defense, but he’s not exactly himself without the cozy confines of whatever you call the stadium the Panthers play in. But yeah, Thomas, Williams, Smith, Muhammad, Moore, Colston: You have the green light on all of them.

PITTSBURGH -10.5 Cleveland
Line Pick: I have no idea if the Steelers are still playing for anything and frankly I don’t care. Not only are they at home and these two are pretend rivals, Cleveland couldn’t muster a single field goal against the Bengals in their own stadium, much less a touchdown. I fully expect the Browns to finish this season without having scored and offensive touchdown in the last six weeks of it. My God. You know, I am always hesitant to claim something best/worst of all time, usually because it sounds simple-minded and impossible to quantify. But with Ken Dorsey lining up under center, I don’t think I’ve ever seen an NFL team worse than these Cleveland Browns. And yes, I am including this years Lions, who I think would mop the floor with Cleveland if they were fortunate enough to be playing them on Sunday.

Fantasy Advice: Whichever Steelers running back is healthy because everyone will want to get this over and done with as quickly as possible. If Cleveland is going to score, it won’t be via Braylon Edwards that does it. I do not like any of these players going up against Pittsburgh’s defense, but you might be able to find a dark horse in Josh Cribbs or Jerome Harrison. Especially if Crennel would go out with a little foresight and given his options, play Cribbs at quarterback. But I wouldn’t hold my breath.

TAMPA BAY -13 Oakland
Line Pick: Much to our chagrin, JaMarcus Russell has looked surprisingly adequate the past couple weeks. But with Tampa vying for a playoff spot at home I have to take them to cover. Especially since they lost 34-7 in the last road game they played. And that was just down the coastline. Oakland is traveling cross country and playing a 1PM EST game. That’s just cruel.

Fantasy Advice: Well, all of a sudden Tampa is running three running backs between Dunn, Graham and Williams. So your guess is as good as mine. Antonio Bryant is the closest thing to a lock on this Buccaneers team. Take that for what its worth. On Oakland: No one. Unless Johnnie Lee Higgins comes through for all us loyal members of Raider nation.

HOUSTON -2.5 Chicago
Line Pick: Houston seems to be one of the few teams that excels at home compared to on the road, but the Bears are playing for the playoffs. In short, I have no idea what’s going to happen here. Just because it wouldn’t make any sense based on what happened in week 16, I’m taking the Texans to cover and follow through on the back-to-back 8-8 seasons that I’m sure Texans fans fucking love. But this is one game I’d avoid like the Sex and The City movie.

Fantasy Advice: Kevin Walter and Andre Johnson always perform. Even against defenses as staunch as Chicago’s. Ironically we’d stay away from Matt Schaub, as we see him throwing 2-3 interceptions this game. Matt Forte is about the only player on Chicago anyone can ever recommend. If anyone ever tells you to start Devin Hester and attempts to give some long-winded explanation as to why, stop him in his tracks and tell him he’s an asshole. This might seem harsh, but there is no reason for anyone to ever have a “hunch” about someone like Devin Hester on this Bears team. Greg Olsen is pretty much the only other player you can take a risk on.

Alright, that’s it for the 1PM games. 4PM and prime timers later today.

Since we kind of forgot that Christmas was this week, we neglected to adjust our schedule and post our weekly “These are the people you should be unjustly contemptuous towards” a day early. As a result, we’re going to take timeout of our day tomorrow to post the first half of our picks or we’re going to do them all on Friday. Hopefully, and I know it’s almost unavoidable, this doesn’t ruin the holidays for you. Because I’m tryin’, Ringo. I’m trying real hard, to post sufficiently and in a timely fashion.

And since it’s the holidays, even though we lost our fantasy playoff matchup in the most agonizingly painful way imaginable*, being the good Samaritan that I am, we’re going to do a top five unexpectedly stellar performances from the week. Even though we can’t really think of any off the top of our head, unless you think two running backs breaking off more total yardage and touchdowns than they have all season against a top ten run defense qualifies? No? Yeah, then we’ll have to look this up.

1) Vinsanthe Shiancoe
From exposing himself in the locker room to having a breakout season, this guy has been everywhere. After catching seven passes for 136 yards and two touchdowns, he makes our cut as well. Let’s put it this way, anytime an eligible receiver on the Vikings goes for over 30 points in my fantasy league, he’s making this list. And unless something unthinkable happens, like Braylon Edwards living up to his name for two straight weeks, he’ll generally make the top spot.

2) Tavaris Jackson
After a slow week, Tavaris is getting on this list mostly as a result of that and diminished expectations. Over three hundred yards of total offense and two touchdowns is a great game for just about anyone, but naturally Tavaris had two lost fumbles to accompany it, so we put him here at #2 and his teammate at #1. Man, you have to wonder how they lost this game with two participants in their passing offense having such great fantasy games. Oh, that’s right. The two fumbles.

3) Dennis Northcutt
For starters: Holy shit Dennis Northcutt is still playing football in the NFL? I remember when he was with the Browns recovering onside kicks. Secondly: A Jacksonville receiver not named Matt Jones finally came through with a big game? It’s a little late and they still lost to the Colts, but we’ll acknowledge Mr. Northcutt’s performance, and most likely pick against them in our lines on Friday.

Man, I really hope they've since taken that banner down.

(Note: we would put David Garrard on here, but sine he had relatively lofty expectations at the beginning of the year and has failed to meet them in every conceivable way, we’re deeming him ineligible).

4) LaMont Jordan
You could probably just throw every single Patriot onto this list (outside of Randy Moss and Wes Welker) and no one would argue. But holy hell, remember when LaMont Jordan was going to turn around the Raiders running game after being signed from the Jets as Curtis Martin’s backup? Yeah, neither do I. But someone told me about this during the game. And now here he is, accumulating 78 rushing yards and two touchdowns in what seemed like a single quarter of play.

Probably a good indication that you’re not ready for the NFL playoffs is that you’re giving up 18 fantasy points to players like LaMont Jordan. And it’s not even done so deceptively. New England was setting up in run formations with him as the lone back, handing it off and letting him run wild all over ‘Zona. I have no idea who the Cards are playing in their first hosted playoff game in a half century, but I’m willing to give the points.

5) Devard Darling
He is making this list solely because we’ve never heard of him until Sunday and he was the runner up for our Tim Hightower Week 16 recipient. Darling amassed 3 catches for 69 yards and a touchdown against the Dolphins, which is an admirable performance for anyone. But there were less obscure names with higher production totals that we snubbed because this is, like we mentioned earlier, a very slow week for unforeseen great performances. So we put the fifth year vet from Washington State in our five spot.

Honorable mention: Cedric Benson (171 yards, one fumble lost), Ted Ginn (75 total yards, 4 receptions, one rushing TD), Justin Gage (5 receptions, 104 yards & 1 TD), JaMarcus Russell (236 yards, two touchdowns), Marques Colston (9 receptions, 99 yards, 2 TD’s)

Back tomorrow or Friday with advice and picks for the last week of the season. Have a happy holidays and we’ll see you all on Friday.

*= Not really, but the hyperbole makes it so relatable.

If you actually sat through last night’s game and it wasn’t redeemed by either the outcome or fantasy success for you (we can’t imagine anyone with any of these players were feeling good about aspect of the game), rest assure that neither of these teams should make the playoffs. And if Chicago does manage to qualify for the post-season (needing a win against Houston and a Vikings loss against the Giants), then you can take comfort in the fact that they won’t make it out of the wild card round.

Maybe I was still embittered from my fantasy football catastrophe the night before, and maybe since we only watched the second half of the game we never fully settled in with this matchup. Whatever it was, we were bored as shit watching an overtime game between the two oldest rivals in the NFL. I think the fact that we had such high hopes for Green Bay and the fact that they have been such a tremendous letdown probably factors into why we were so turned off while watching this last night. When you publicly state that a team is destined for competitiveness and they turn around on you and lose to the 2008 Jacksonville Jaguars, it can result in some pretty strange reactions. Mine is to loathe every game this team plays from here on out.

Really, I can’t tell if it would be more depressing for Detroit or Green Bay to lose next week. Detroit, on one hand, is facing massive layoffs in the face of the economic crisis and their team is on the verge of going 0-16, not to mention they are the first ever 0-15 team in the history of the league. Rob Marinelli looks about ready to breakdown crying every time he is interviewed and now he’s being ridiculed at press conferences for nepotism that probably isn’t helping matters.

Alright, it’s probably the Lions. But can you imagine the Green Bay faithful if they lose to the sob story described above. They haven’t lost to the Lions at home since 1991, they’ve lost five straight games to give them a current 5-10 record and they no longer have the Good ‘ol boy to validate themselves. Things could get ugly. I’m almost rooting for the Packers to win just because they’re the home team. And trust me, if Green Bay hinged on a single industry that is about a year away from total collapse, I probably would. But we’ve done a complete 180 from yesterday. We’ve gone from considering this game must see television to regarding it as one of the more depressing sporting events of the past decade. There are no winners in this race.

I still think going 0-16 would be an appropriate end to the Millen era.

Anyhow, nice job Packers. You’ve become such a sad sack yourself that we can’t root against you in a game with an 0-15 team. How is this even remotely possible? If you’re looking for a coach that deserves to be fired, it is probably Mike McCarthy and whoever their defensive coordinator is. Because for the most part, Aaron Rodgers, the guy everyone was so hesitant to give the keys to the engine to o in the first place, has not been the problem. In fact he’s the 8th highest rated passer in the league. That’s a higher rating than either their running game or any aspect of their defense. So yeah, feel free to can Mike McCarthy. You will hear no self-righteousness from this website.

Anyhow, as hinted at before, the fantasy aspect of this game was pretty fucking terrible. Unless you had Robbie Gould or Greg Olsen (and maybe Aaron Rodgers), you were probably hoping for more. And even then, Olsen caught 5 catches for 49 yards, but one was for a touchdown so it’s a redeemable performance for a tight end. Of course, if you’re starting Greg Olsen as your tight end then you’re obsolete to the rest of your league anyways. Gould is a kicker and put up a minimum of 8 points in most leagues, which is stellar for a kicker. Aaron Rodgers threw for 2 touchdowns and 260 yards with one interception to boot.

Actually, upon further review, Ryan Grant finally came through for his owners with a receiving touchdown and about 100 yards of total offense. Congratulations, to all of you who drafted him in the second round. You probably didn’t even start him do to prolonged ineptitude this season and because they were playing the Bears, but if you had the stomach (or lack of options) for it, he finally came produced like you expected in week 16. And he averaged 2.4 ypc to do so.

In other words, unless you were in a close game to begin with, this contest provided virtually no satisfaction. I like Aaron Rodgers and the Packers offense, but he completed 24 passes to ten different people. This is a nightmare for fantasy owners. It’s basically the receiving version of run-by-committee started by the Broncos after Clinton Portis left town.

Luckily the Packers aren’t a playoff team. Otherwise this might be the new trend that bucks conventional wisdom in the NFL. You know, like putting the ball in the hands of your best playmakers is a winning proposition. Not to say it isn’t the best option for Green Bay to spread the ball around. With all due respect to Greg Jennings, he isn’t exactly Jerry Rice. But there are too many game changers in the league at receiver and tight end for this to make fantasy football an even more luck based endeavor than it already is. Just because the Packers do not have any doesn’t mean no one else does.

Oh, now that all the games are wrapped up (and we forgot to do so yesterday), we have to present the Tim Hightower Talking Fantasy Football Award winner from week 16. This person we’ve never heard of before, most likely because he plays for the Raiders and sports three names to his resume. He went to school at UTEP and managed to net three receptions for one touchdown and return one more on a kickoff. Your Tim Hightower Award winner for week 16 is none other than Johnny Lee Higgins. Congrats, Johnny, on rising from the depths of obscurity to make a name for yourself in a meaningless week 16 game and for pissing off Ronald Curry owners everywhere.

Back with five letdown performances either later today or early tomorrow.

So we thought we would actually follow through on a second post that we had promised in our first. Crazy, I know. But I can’t imagine alienating more people than I already have without doing anything to anyone on a personal level.

But it was a pivotal week, as the penultimate week of any sports season tends to be, especially with how the NFL scheduled their season this year. We had about four different games with win and your in implications for both teams. Between Minnesota-Atlanta, Tennessee-Pitt, San Diego-Tampa, NY Giants-Carolina (didn’t even include Baltimore-Dallas), in addition to a plethora of upsets including the Jets losing to Seattle, Denver losing to Buffalo and Philly losing to Washington, it was probably one of the more eventful weekends of the season.

We mentioned last week that if Brett Favre can’t get it done against Seattle to make the playoffs that it would implore him to retire, never did we think that the performance would be so terrible that he might not even have the option. Sure, if the Jets decide to cut him he will inevitably be able to find a job somewhere else, but who would’ve thought it would have come to this? Not to say we shouldn’t have, set aside one good year (2007), Favre had a run of about five poor to mediocre seasons strung together. That’s basically what we are seeing with Favre in the second half of the season.

(Note: I’m fully prepared for them to beat Miami next Sunday, just to debunk mine and everyone else’s knee-jerk reactions to…well, about six bad weeks in a row. It seems like any games they won during that stretch were in spite of Favre, not because of him).

But enough about Favre. Everyone talks about Favre and everyone over-reports on him. We’ve dedicated a solid paragraph to him and already it feels redundant. Can’t we all just agree that he is no longer a viable fantasy option and move on? And not just because he is leading the league in interceptions, though that is certainly part of it.

Let’s talk about the Seahawks, whom we referred to earlier as being among the elite of the bad teams in the NFL (defined as anyone with double digit wins by week 16. There are eight of them, and we could have nine by seasons end). It is extremely probable that had the Seahawks not been plagued by injury this season (worse than anyone other than the Patriots), they probably would have won this division.

You're going to tell me that the Cardinals can hang with this sorcery? I think not.

When I say “extremely probable” I actually mean: Is that even disputable? The Cardinals look how the Cardinals are legally obligated to look. I hear they had to pay a small fine for deceiving us all for the first twelve weeks of the season. St. Louis and San Fran were predictably terrible. That leaves Seattle, who are giving Mike Holmgren a semblance of validation before he “retires”.

Staying in the NFC West, San Fran is getting their fans hopes up. It’s almost painful to watch. Them and the Texans are the two teams heading into next season that everyone will bandwagon as the “sleepers” for 2009, even though they’re not really sleepers because if everyone is proclaiming you a sleeper, then you cease being one. But I imagine both will inevitably fail to meet expectations for their respective fan bases because their late season surges this year were more the result of timing than anything else.

There is an outside shot that the performances from both teams this week will help quell that, but I highly doubt it. When people do retrospective analysis, they never get into specifics. Ron Jaworski claims that the Niners are going to win the NFC West he’ll probably say “The Niners won five of their last six in 2008″ but won’t provide the caveat “suffered a close win against one of the five worst teams in the league because they were the only one of the six teams the Niners played that were actually bad enough to take them seriously”.

For the Texans, he might delve into a little more detail adding, “The Texans won five of their last six, including a win against the 14-2 Tennessee Titans”. But that thrashing at the hands of the *cough*Oakland Raiders*cough* will conveniently fly under the radar. In other words, these two games say something about the future of the two teams. Do not be surprised if either of them are right back at the bottom of the division.

Still, we will say it’s possible for both of them as long as Alex Smith isn’t involved.

Of all the losses of the weekend, I have to say that Philly’s was probably the most disappointing. At least in terms of expectations. They were playing a team that hasn’t competed for a win in about a month, and have lost to everyone on the talent spectrum from the Ravens to the Bengals. Yet only managed to muster up a paltry three points. I think the Bad News Bears had more tenacity at the beginning of their season than the Eagles currently have at the end of theirs. Not to mention that they could have been playing for a playoff spot in week 17 had they managed to put up a single touchdown in addition to their field goal.

Also, the fact Reggie Brown wasn’t another foot inside downfield to be inside the end zone was a testament to how shitty the receiving corps. has been in Philly during McNabb’s tenure there. In fact, outside of the Superbowl season with Terrell Owens, this current batch of receivers that consists of Kevin Curtis (who had never been better than a third option with the Rams), DeSean Jackson (a talented but extremely flawed rookie) and the aforementioned Reggie Brown (he is barely noticeable most games); is the best they’ve had in a decade. And DeSean Jackson still managed to cost them the game with three critical dropped passes (two of which were for touchdowns).

But that didn’t stop Andy Reid from throwing the ball 46 times and only running it 16 (12 were for Westbrook). This is why Philly fans pine for his replacement, and why it seems so irrational to the rest of us not in the city. Let me be the first to say that as an Eagles fan, I want Andy Reid to stay. But I can understand the frustration they feel after games like this. Or with the state of the team in general.

My stance on the issue comes strictly from the standpoint that I don’t think they can do any better playing the market and their still looking down the barrel at a potential 9-6-1 season. Just look at it from their perspective: If your team was potentially going to be barred from the playoffs because they lost two divisional games against a .500 team and they couldn’t do better than a tie against an NFL team in Ohio, you’d probably consider it systemic and want a replacement at top too.

Anyhow, if there were any games we haven’t covered or any fantasy performances that we didn’t mention, it’s probably because they were innocuous and we don’t need to dwell on them. I know everyone is looking for some analysis detailing the ins and outs of Ricky Williams and the Chiefs game. But I’m sure someone, somewhere else is providing such riveting prose on the subject.

Back tomorrow with more.

You guys know me, I don’t like to complain. But the result of yesterday’s fantasy matchup was just a little too much for me to keep my mouth shut. For starters, the three guys I had playing in the Thursday night game racked up 75 points for me, with seven players left to my opponents 8, I felt like I had it in the bag. Well, going into the Panthers-Giants game I was sporting a 40 point lead with Jon Stewart left. In short, the person I’m playing decides to start Derrick Ward and Brandon Jacobs. Ward goes on to reach milestones that we haven’t seen since Jim Brown, and Brandon Jacobs rushes for three touchdowns, only to give one of the more incoherent post-game interviews I’ve seen this side of Lloyd Carr.

Whatever, the guy who beat me hadn’t once scored over 130 points all season, out of nowhere he goes into Monday night with 157, and still has his kicker going. I would just like to point out that Ward and Jacobs have not managed to have simultaneous serviceable, much less great fantasy performances in the same game. My opponent was hedging his bets to what some might say a comical degree and it managed to payoff. Not only did he get over 300 yards of total offense and three touchdowns out of it, he also got a win and a chance to play in the finals. Where the likelihood of such a thing happening again is a virtual impossibility.

There are a couple things I could have done differently, namely switched out my kicker (Neil Rackers) for someone off free agency and played New England’s defense instead of Minnesota’s. But even with Arizona’s tribulations in cold weather, I would have never thought they would look that bad. Ever. So I passed on New England’s defense which is known to give up points and kept Neil Rackers in for the same reason. Not realizing that the Cardinals were basically the aliens from Signs.

Speaking of which, is there an outside shot that Ken Whisenhunt and the Cardinals are putting us on, and losing these games so spectacularly to keep the other five NFC playoff teams on their heels? He had to figure they weren’t getting a bye, so why not just bottom out and lead everyone to believe you’re a pretender going into the playoffs at 8-8? I mean, I would assume it was just the weather (as we’ve gone over before), but they made Tavaris Jackson look playoff ready at home last week. And I am skeptical that anyone is this effected by some frozen water. I know I sort of conceded that they were just a second ago, but I still do not believe it.

Also of interest from that game: Considering Randy Moss has eleven touchdowns on the year and it’s considered under-performing (it’s less than half he had all season), I think it speaks in droves about this New England team and Moss himself. He’s tied for the league lead with Boldin and will break 1,000 yards receiving again next week against Buffalo. In short, he’s still the best receiver in the game, he just can’t have Aaron Brooks, Kerry Collins or Andrew Walter throwing to him. Wait, that’s not even remotely fair. What I meant to say was: he can’t be in a Raiders uniform. I would assume the problems with Raider nation are more systemic than just the plethora of sub-par quarterbacks they’ve had since Rich Gannon retired. No team is that unlucky.

So we're all in agreement? This Never happened, right?

Well, except for the Browns, that is. Right now that entire city is still demanding playoff like performances from their team, and I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Cleveland. But it’s never going to happen. At least not in 2008. Your team hasn’t scored a touchdown in five straight games, before that they pissed away three losses and managed to break all sorts of records while doing so. Right now, this is the only team in the NFL that would be a dog at home against the Lions.

And it’s nothing personal, Browns fans. They just really are not that good. They all seem to be reading from a different playbook, Jerome Harrison and Donte Stallworth do not see the ball nearly enough, not to mention all of your receivers are disgruntled and your coach looks scared shitless every time they pan to him on the sidelines.

But all of that is moot, really. Because you’re not going to be winning games in the NFL with Ken Dorsey as your quarterback. He threw three interceptions, and if you’re wondering what that brings his touchdown-interception ratio to after three games and a quarter, it’s 0/8. I guess the Browns finally decided to put him out of his misery and send Gradkowski in, who managed to add a fourth one to that, making Cinncy’s sporadically feisty defense look like the ‘85 Bears.

Personally — and this is just my opinion — if they wanted to play a quarterback from a north Ohio MAC school, they definitely went with the wrong one. Josh Cribbs has probably thrown the best looking passes the Browns have produced in the past three weeks. He played quarterback at Akron and if nothing else, he can bide his time with scrambling and even gain yards on the ground. That alone makes him a better option that Ken Dorsey.

Oh well, at least they managed to make the other half of the state feel a tad better about the state of their team. If nothing else, Kirk Fitzpatrick seems to have grown into a suitable backup for the 2009 season. And really, that was all the Bengals were going to get out of 2008 anyways. So long as they didn’t go winless and there were signs of improvement, I say this in all seriousness, the Bengals couldn’t have expected much more from the season.

Sure, you could have expected them to prepare themselves better for the inevitable injuries that plague every team these days, but the circumstances being what they are (Carson Palmer out, and aging offensive line and Chad Johnson, no reliable running back), a potential 4-11-1 season isn’t look so bad. Right now they’re one of the better really bad teams in the NFL, on par with the Seahawks. Bang up job, Mr. Brown. With any luck you can draft the next Chris Perry in 2009.

Moving on.

As expected, Detroit was blown out by a Saints team that’s attempting to get their quarterback over 5,000 yards, because if they’re not going to compete for the playoffs, they want to at least showcase that they had the best quarterback in the league for the 2008 season. Anyhow, Detroit has one last ditch effort against a defunct and indifferent Green Bay team next week. I actually consider this must watch television, which should tell you something about how lightly I take the NFL. At least they have an army of draft picks for next season even if it still won’t be enough to right the ship. Then again, maybe I shouldn’t speak so hastily, look at the Dolphins this year.

On a fantasy related note: I take it all back, Marques Colston. I take it all back. I still manage to lose in heartbreaking fashion this week, but by golly for once it wasn’t because I drafted you in the fourth. I don’t want to give you too much credit, all you had to do was put up a decent game against the Lions. But all we ask when it comes to fantasy football is that you refrain from making us look idiotic. Thomas Jones made us look ridiculous in 2007, and made us look even more so this year when we passed on him form (gulp) Kenny Watson. That’s what he gets for putting up Ki-Jana Carter like numbers in 2007, he gets to make me look like a spiteful idiot.

(Back to the Bengals running game for a second: what the fuck happened with Kenny Watson anyways? Is there a reason they benched their leading rusher from last season, after releasing their leading rusher from the previous four seasons other than to feel validated in that horrible Chris Perry draft pick in 2004? Ladies and gentlemen that make up Bengal nation: This is why your team’s running game isn’t any stronger: Spite. Unfortunately for you, they’re running an actual NFL franchise and not a fantasy team).

There was a lot to get to from the past week, in real and fantasy football alike. We’ll try to cover it later today. And if you’re an avid reader of this site, you know that in no way is that going to happen.

Well, we actually covered last night, but how in the world was it so close? Indy’s supposed to be one of three teams in the AFC with a legitimate shot at winning the Superbowl, not someone who needs 4th quarter rallies and blind luck to beat a teams like the Jags and Lions. But anyhow, from a fantasy perspective, it was a good night for your truly. I was sporting a Dallas Clark, Peyton Manning & Maurice Jones-Drew combination the likes of which I haven’t seen all season.

We’ll put this in perspective: in an average week, you’re all but guaranteed to win your game if you can amass upwards of around 140 points (I think only twice has someone eclipsed this number and still lost). After the performances of those three, I am currently on pace to score 250. Sorry for the bit of self-aggrandizement, but I’m sure some of you can also feel quite content about the onslaught of fantasy production last night.

Alright, only seven afternoon/Sunday/Monday night games. Whenever I write this post, I tend to wear out towards the end. Because at the very least, the manner in which we doll out fantasy advice is the same for each game, just with different names. Really, I can’t imagine there is anything I could say that will change your mind, so I just mail in some bullshit about what I expect to happen in each game, which is no more or less valid than anyone else’s bullshit. So, with that said, here’s my line picks and some fantasy “analysis” that took us roughly five minutes to conjure up.

DENVER -7 Buffalo
Line Pick: So, the Broncos are supposed to cover a touchdown with that defense. Am I missing something? I know Buffalo isn’t making the playoffs, but have they been getting blown out by average teams lately? Their last three losses have been 27-31, 16-3 and 10-3. The 16-3 game came at the hands of the Dolphins, and I’m willing to bet that Denver’s defense hasn’t held anyone under 29 points all season. I’ll take the points, though it seems too obvious.

Fantasy Advice: With that said, Cutler has been deadly at mile high and they’re starting to run thin at running back with their backup fullback now out for the season. If you want to gamble on Tatum Bell, be my guest. But you deserve to have your luggage stolen if you do. Buffalo is a sea of unreliable middle-tier players (Even Marshawn Lynch only has 7 touchdowns). But going against Denver, it’s a fire sale. I’d start Brandom Stokley if it wasn’t for my bias against white receivers not named Wayne Chrebet or Wes Welker.

Houston -7 OAKLAND
Line Pick: Well, I guess I have to start taking Houston seriously now. Seven points against the Raiders? Sounds like a go. On a side note, who the hell are the Raiders going to draft this off-season? Michael Crabtree? James Lauranitis? Some lineman we can’t name at the moment? Is there an aspect of their team that doesn’t need addressing? Personally, if I’m a Raiders fan, I like the notion of taking a quarterback as a second or third round pick. Just not Tebow in the first round (which given the way management has drafted, is something you might see yourself worrying about).

He'd look pretty good not producing in the silver and black because the franchise that drafted him is dysfunctional. Am I right?

Fantasy Advice: Yeah, everyone involved with the Texans passing game and Steve Slaton are mandatory starts, Oakland is a wasteland for fantasy football. We’ve made similar statements about other teams and players yesterday, but if you would consider starting any Raiders, you probably aren’t still in the playoffs anyhow. So don’t worry about it.

New York Jets -4.5 SEATTLE
Line Pick: Hmm, the Jets have been trudging along these past three weeks, in fact the only reason they haven’t lost three in a row was Buffalo inexplicably squandered away a win against them last Sunday. Actually, forget that. Buffalo squandering away wins is kind of there MO. There is nothing inexplicable about it. But still, this is the Seahawks we’re talking about. Seneca Wallace, Maurice Morris, it might be good enough to beat the Rams in St. Louis, but if Favre loses this week 16 game in a tight playoff race, it might the last nail that finally motivates him to hang it up. And since we’re convinced he’s never going to retire, we like the Jets to cover.

Fantasy Advice: I guess we can officially say we drafted Thomas Jones in the second round a year too early. It’s amazing what having a healthy threat at quarterback can do for a running back’s numbers, isn’t it? Anyhow, I like him and Leon Washington this week, along with Dustin Keller. On the Seahawks side of the ball: see my overview of the Raiders. Alright, maybe Deon Branch is a reasonable option, but we recommend against it.

MINNESOTA -3.5 Atlanta
Line Pick: We’re still waiting for this Vikings team to drop a tough game, but it has been four weeks now and every win has been convincing. We are hesitant to take any NFC South team on the road as stated ad nauseam here. What I need is a moment of clarity with this one.
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Alright, I’ll take Atlanta to cover but for Minnesota to win. Two teams that primarily run the ball and play relatively physical defense, a close margin of victory seems plausible, if not probable. Even still, just stay away from this one unless you’re on some sort of Nick Cage in Leaving Las Vegas conclusion.

Fantasy Advice: Well, I hate stating the obvious but both running backs are a go. Speaking of which, I like Adrian Peterson as the MVP this year, especially if they end up winning the division. The guy is probably going to break 1,600 yards with Gus Ferotte/Tavaris Jackson as his quarterback. Every team knows he’s running the ball, and yet virtually no team has been able to stop him. In short, he isn’t the standard, expendable running back that could be replaced with a 4th round draft pick in 2009. He’s a game changer, the likes of which I don’t think we’ve seen since Barry Sanders (though they have completely different running styles). Usually it’s about the machine, but in this case, Peterson is the machine.

Philadelphia -5 WASHINGTON
Line Pick: Why the hell is this a 4PM game? Anyway, outside of the NFC South teams, virtually everyone in the NFL is comparable on the road vs. at home, except for Washington. This team seems to be considerably worse when playing at RFK or whatever it’s called now. Still, Philly — despite three impressive wins in a row now — doesn’t inspire a lot of confidence in me; but we don’t seem to have any other options. I hate to make such an uninspired prediction, but we’ll take the Eagles to cover five against the Redskins.

Fantasy Advice: Washington is turning into what everyone thought they were at the beginning of the season (Plug in “We are who we thought they were!” jokes here). And last time they played Philly, the Eagles completely shut out Santana and most of the passing game, except for Cooley. I like Cooley and potentially Portis if anyone can guarantee that he won’t walk onto the field dressed like Greenman. For the Eagles, they seemed to spread the ball around a little more against Cleveland, but like we mentioned earlier this week, Cleveland can make anyone look like a pro-bowler. Stick with the stalwarts (basically just Westbrook), and maybe Curtis or Jackson if you’re feeling frisky. Hey, what does Reggie Brown have to do to get cut from this team? He’s in James Thrash/Todd Pinkston territory at this point.

NEW YORK GIANTS -3 Carolina
Line Pick: Yeah, they’ve let me down the past couple weeks, but Carolina’s bandwagon is mighty crowded right now. To be quite honest we’re surprised the Panthers aren’t favored. But Vegas appears to know better, and that the skewed perception of them is the result of two home blowouts against Tampa and Denver, and a road win against an apparently overrated Green Bay team, though it was impressive at the time. Still, there are a lot of caveats to these games that make the wins look much more impressive than they really are. Namely, the Packers blow and Carolina is 8-0 at home to explain the two most recent wins. In fact they haven’t had a close game yet against any respectable team on the road, which is what the Giants are with or without Burress. We’ll lay the points and expect the Giants to reclaim their thrown as front runners.

Fantasy Advice: I like Williams, Jacobs and Ward a lot more than I like Jonathan Stewart, who personifies Carolina’s struggles away from Charlotte. Hixon and Toomer should be serviceable. Or rather, if the Giants are actually going to cover three points, they’re going to have to be. I’d stay away from Muhsin Muhammad if at all possible (note: we don’t think it’s possible for us) and whatever wide outs Carolina is sporting not named Steve Smith; as we’re inclined to think Delhomme wets the bed on Sunday night.

Chicago -4 Green Bay
Line Pick: Did Matt Forte break his fibula last game? Why is this only four, especially with some of the less favorable lines the Pack have been getting against lesser opponents? Something’s afoot, or maybe it’s just the snowfall in the desert that’s fucking with everyone. Oh, that’s why. Right before Green Bay began this descent into complete shittery they shellacked the Bears 37-3 and everyone was declaring them the best team in the NFC not in the East. Anyhow, we’re still taking Chicago to dish out some comeuppance from that ridiculous performance.

Fantasy Advice: I’d stay away from Donald Driver (Again, I don’t know if we can) and anyone not named Greg Jennings on the Packers. Chicago doesn’t offer much other than Forte in the way of fantasy either. Put it this way, if you’re relying on this game to amount in a fantasy comeback for you, then I recommend watching a movie while it’s on.

Alright, that’s probably it for the week. Enjoy the games should we part ways until Monday.

Last week really brought us back down to earth on these line assessments. We mentioned it on Monday and we’re still stinging. If I repeat that performance I might as well discontinue my stint on this site. Regardless of the circumstances that was inexcusable. I guess since I must, here’s my record from last week: 5-9-2, bringing our season total to: 32-28-4 after four weeks of doing this. We need to get to at least…8 games over .500 by the end of the season to maintain our non-existent reputation. It’s really important to us.

Anyhow, onto our picks. I get the feeling we’ll rue the day we ever decided to do this, much less suggest that picking games later in the season is easier than at the beginning of it. What we meant was, wait a few weeks before you start hastily throwing money around. The last two weeks are particularly difficult because no one has any idea which teams are going to bench which players for preservation. Perhaps we should have been clearer.

Indianapolis -6 JACKSONVILLE
Line Pick: Well, shit. If Jacksonville had lost last week it would make it a lot easier to pick against them. And we know they’re bad. The only thing we’re left wondering as a result of that is how bad are the Packers? We’re going with pretty fucking terrible because we’re still taking Indy to cover this game, despite needing the length of the game to beat the Lions last week. If it was eight, I would have gone with Jax, but it’s not plausible when Indy covers with a single touchdown.

Fantasy Advice: Maurice Jones-Drew is a must go with no Fred Taylor. Or at least, Del Rio pretending he isn’t on his roster. I have no idea what his status is. When it comes to the Colts, your guess is as good as mine with which receiver to start. Hopefully Addai doesn’t play so Indy has a running back worth a damn.

DALLAS -4 Baltimore
Line Pick: Nice, our first Saturday game of the NFL season (or at least as far as I can remember). I hope you have the NFL Network, because this is actually worth staying in for. The Ravens seem like one of the few teams left who benefit greatly from playing at home. It’s inevitable that we end up getting burned by this game, but we’re taking the Cowboys to cover. I still do not have much faith in Joe Flacco in a playoff like atmosphere. Sorry, Balmer. But it was one of the few theories that worked for me last week.

Fantasy Advice: I like Mc’Clain coming out of the backfield for the Ravens, the Cowboys have so many options and such an inconsistent quarterback that I really don’t know what to tell you other than I’m content to have never had Roy Williams, Terrell Owens, Jason Witten, Miles Austin, Patrick Crayton, Marion Barber or Felix Jones on my roster. Tashard Choice is probably the safest bet here, and the Ravens have a top five run defense. Really, I don’t know what to tell you.

CLEVELAND -3 Cincinnati
Line Pick: Well, the Browns have the better personnel (and I’m not referring to quarterbacks, I refuse to compare the merits of these two), but the Bengals are playing better and with a little more fervor than they have all season. Fitzpatrick has more snaps under his belt…I’m going to take the points. How can you take a team that hasn’t scored an offensive touchdown in four games?

Fantasy Advice: Housh for the Bengals, maybe Edwards and Lewis for the Browns. Deepers leagues you can justify Cribbs or Harrison, start anyone else on either of these teams then it’s amazing you are still in contention.

New Orleans -7 DETROIT
Line Pick: The Lions have actually covered the past two weeks, but we’re still taking the Saints. If Detroit is going to fend off the dreaded 0-16 season, their going to have to do it next week in Green Bay. And given how the last four or five weeks have gone for the Packers, that seems about right.

Who can blame the Saints for missing home? I imagine the Lions would rather play there as well.

Fantasy Advice: This Saints defense is in the bottom third of the league (though I have no idea how, they’ve invested enough money and draft picks into it), so I like Kevin Smith to get in the end zone a couple times. As for the Saints, well, they’re on the road. So you have to set your own expectations. Personally, since it’s the Lions, I still like virtually everyone to rack up some quality pointage. Especially Colston and Thomas.

Pittsburgh -2 TENNESSEE
Line Pick: It appears relying on the Titans is ill-advised, if last week is any indication. But Pitt is another team that revels in home field advantage, and Tennessee is going to be bound and determined to hold onto home field advantage throughout the playoffs, so we’ll take the points and just assume the Titans win this one.

Fantasy Advice: I like both defenses and maybe Cage or Washington in some of your deeper leagues. Obviously Heinz Ward is a must go, he excels in these hard hitting games. No question he’ll be fined.

Miami -4 KANSAS CITY
Line Pick: I think the loss to San Diego took the win out of the Chiefs sails. It wasn’t really sustainable, anyways. The wind they had before that game was equivalent to one of those mini-fans people walk around with at amusement parks. I like the Dolphins, but expecting them to cover more than a field goal is always a tentative proposition. Best to stay away from this one, methinks.

Fantasy Advice: Hmmm, well, you’re insane if you start any receiver in this game other than Dwayne Bowe. Neither quarterback is really a fantasy playoff quarterback (and if you are starting one of these players this deep into the season and are still around, congratulations, you’re one of the luckier people on the planet), I haven’t been following the status of Chiefs running backs and Ronnie Brown is always a serviceable starter. So, Ronnie Brown. That’s about it.

San Fransisco -5.5 ST LOUIS
Line Pick: Alright, are the Niners steady enough to pick to cover as a favorite? I’m skeptical. But after that letdown against the Seahawks I can’t take the Rams to keep this game within a touchdown. Besides, the Niners are on their meaningless annual second half tear to get all their fans excited for next season, only to disappoint them considerably the following season.

Fantasy Advice: Shaun Hill should actually put up some points. But like most scenarios with middle-tier quarterbacks at this point in the season, if you’re torn between Shaun Hill and someone else on your roster then your week is probably obsolete. Frank Gore should run wild and even though he let us down last week, we like Vernon Davis to come through for his fantasy owners, however few are left. The Rams aren’t sporting much these days, but if you’re conflicted and in a deep league, Donnie Avery might surprise some people.

NEW ENGLAND -7.5 Arizona
Line Pick: So it appears Vegas doesn’t have any faith in Arizona in cold weather, and therefore the playoffs. I have a feeling they’re right, but 7.5 seems like an awful lot for a team that was squeaking by the Seahawks just two weeks ago. Well, considering Arizona has been getting blown out and that game in Philly being so fresh in my mind, we’re going to take New England to cover. I’m sorry, but their isn’t a right and wrong here.

Fantasy Advice: Kevin Faulk and Wes Welker should payoff big time. If you own any Cardinals, based on their performances in the Philly game, I’m afraid Breaston and Fitzgerald are better options than Boldin. That’s the advantage of playing at a cold weather university. Right now, both these offenses are producing points in a myriad of ways. Depending on how you think Arizona will fare playing in New England, you can make a case for any and all of them considering both defenses are susceptible to giving up big plays.

TAMPA BAY -3.5 San Diego
Line Pick: We said it before and we’ll say it again, we hate picking games with that involve the Chargers. But since both are still vying for playoff spots (one realistically and one speciously) we’re going to go with resume and the home team. Take the points, and just expect Jon Gruden to coach circles around Norv Turner.

Fantasy Advice: Cadillac is slowly easing his way into regular rotation, but I think you can still get one more solid week out of Dunn, especially against this Merriman-less defense. Bryant should have a big game with Garcia coming back and for whatever reason, we like Jerramy Stevens to produce in this game. Probably because the Chargers have less defensive tenacity than one of the defenses from the Teen Wolf montage.

Alright, that’s probably it for the day. Back tomorrow with the second half of this weekend’s games.

Alright, given our content with how the past week of NFL contests went, it can only mean one thing: That those of you who were having great seasons are now eliminated from your playoffs (assuming you have a playoff). We do not like to be too self-indulgent on this website, so here are five players that gravely disappointed you on Sunday. We do not want to trigger any flashbacks, so if the weekend was particularly difficult for you, it’s best to turn away.

1) Brian Westbrook
Given that they won 30-10, one would assume his stat line has to be askew: 67 total yards and 3 receptions. But no, I watched that game in its entirety and that is accurate. Are The Browns so god awful now that one dimensional offenses like Philly can veer away from that one dimension and still win handily? I’m afraid so. It looks like Westbrook used up all his garbage points in that four touchdown game that slaughtered me on Thanksgiving. So, in other words Westbrook owners, you’re not getting any sympathy from here. As long as the Eagles win, I could give a shit how if I’m devoid of any of their players for fantasy.

It's probably had to believe that this symbolizes the glory days for any entity, but it does for the Browns.

2) Chris Johnson
He should really be in the top spot because he doesn’t have Westbrook’s excuse, his team lost. To an inferior opponent. But since he sort of splits carries we’ll let it slide. What’s worse is that everyone knew it would happen. That’s right, everyone knew a 12-1 team was going to lose to a 6-7 team because…they were on the road? I have no idea. But I do know one thing, his 65 rushing yards and two yards on two receptions didn’t help matters.

3) Larry Fitzgerald
Now that his team has been properly exposed as a fraud, do you think there’s a chance he’ll close out the last two weeks of the season strong? I guess they have to be playing one of the ten worst teams in the NFL at home to expect much out of all the Cardinals. What’s even more mind-boggling is that on the heels of this extraordinary loss to the Vikings, the pro-bowl starters were announced yesterday, and Kurt Warner got the nod at quarterback. As well as Boldin and Fitzgerald at receiver. That’s right, your starting receiving corps. and quarterback for the NFC all come from the same team. Anyhow, I hope that makes you feel better as a Fitzgerald owner after his 5 catches for 52 yards. Him and his counterparts have shammed their way into an all-star game that no one wants to play in. Congrats.

4) Brandon Marshall
Is it too much to ask that a pro-bowl receiver has two games in a row? Can this Denver team not blow a division championship to a team that can at best go 8-8? If Brandon Marshall can’t stem together two games in which he doesn’t disappoint fantasy owners, their is a good chance of it. 5 catches for 48 yards doesn’t get your team into the playoffs in weeks 16 & 17. At this point, we’re actually rooting for the Chargers. We don’t really give a shit either way, but if the Chargers are winning that means Vincent Jackson is probably performing. And much like the Chargers themselves, Jackson is the X-factor on my fantasy team.

5) Jason Witten
What happened? You used to be so dependable and were considered the best tight end in the league with the predictable premature decline of Antonio Gates and Tony Gonzalez (whom never actually declined). Yet you only have one touchdown in your last eight games, and that was the one game you tallied more than six catches. The Giants have a stifling defense, but you’re a tight end. You’re supposed to be the last, safe option when your QB is facing a tenacious pass rush. I guess you were probably blocking and Romo is afraid to throw to you lest Owens gets jealous. But still, 5 catches for 44 yards? It’s amazing you guys won so convincingly.

Honorable mention: Cris Cooley (6 catches, 51 yards, one fumble lost), Tim Hightower (20 rushing yards 20 receiving yards), Anquan Boldin (6 catches, 34 yards, one fumble lost), Eli Manning (2 INT’s, no TD’s), Terrell Owens (3 catches for 38 yards, how the hell did they win this game?), TJ Houshmenzadeh (3 catches for 19 yards)

Well, that was some Monday night game. Nothing like setting off the work week with an abomination of a performance from the Browns as they suffer yet another shellacking, this time at the hands of the Eagles. Who I might remind you, couldn’t muster up even two touchdowns against the Bengals. I can’t believe we’re going to watch an NFL game in 2008 this Sunday with Ken Dorsey and Ryan Fitzpatrick leading the two offenses onto the field. I think we’re at a point with the NFL in Ohio that the two cities to the north and south of me need to quietly amass a boycott. Given, some are trying to attempt one already, but that’s only for Cincinnati. We need to pull our resources and make this a statewide effort.

Don’t get me wrong, there were some bright spots from last night’s contest. Who would’ve thought that only 15 weeks into the season, Braylon Edwards would start to make plays. I think this is evident but I’ll say it anyways: Ken Dorsey has earned himself the starting position. Sure, they only amassed 3 points on offense and Edwards only put up roughly ten fantasy points, but Edwards didn’t drop a single pass. That has to count for something, right? Just a moral victory? OK, then. I’m still not starting him this week.

I imagine this was one of the 30-something drops on the season.

On the Eagles side, is their a team more flaky than this one? They can steamroll the Cardinals (apparently a small feat if you do not reside in the NFC west), the Giants and the Browns (just to cover all degrees of opponents); yet get blown out by the Ravens and not put a single point on the board in an overtime game with the Bengals. Are they a playoff team? Probably not. Right now we have three teams sitting at 9-5, a half game in front of the Eagles, and one a half game back in the Bears.

That means even if you take out the divisional winners as they currently stand, Philly would have to be one of five teams competing for two open playoff spots. I don’t know what the schedules look like and I’m not going to research it, but if it’s possible for Tampa, Atlanta and Dallas to all win out, I wouldn’t put it past any of them to do so. Nice job Philly, your temperament is going to cost you a chance at the playoffs because you couldn’t beat the Bengals. That is something that doesn’t happen everyday: the Bengals were an actual obstacle for a playoff contender. Surely it was a result of not trading Chad Johnson when they had the opportunity. That’s why they beat the Redskins, too.

Also, a piece of advice to Andy Reid and Joe Banner: You might want to recalibrate your expectations of Kevin Kolb. He only threw a couple passes last night but one of them was for an interception, and the one game this season where he received significant reps (@ the Ravens) he looked patently awful. Seriously, just consider drafting one of these Big 12 QB’s (Daniels, Harrell, Bradford or even Tebow in the SEC if he comes out) with one of your late first round picks (they have the Panthers 1st rounder after trading the rights to Jeff Otah away in the 2008 draft).

Anyhow, that game last night was indicative of just how much the NFL owes to the advent of fantasy football. Thirty years ago, their audience would have been non-existent at halftime in every city outside of Philly and Cleveland. I don’t have the numbers off-hand, so I’ll concede that could have been the case last night as well. But some anecdotal evidence, we had two fantasy playoff contests going until the very last drive and had 7 out of the 10 participants in my league glued to the screen.

Naturally, nothing happened in one of the them as Kevin Curtis fell two fantasy points shy from pulling an improbable comeback (roughly a catch for 15 yards in our league). But in the other game, as the result of a DeSean Jackson interception, he lost his spot in the semifinals. He spent the rest of the night hoping for some garbage points from him but it was in vein. I’m pretty sure he’s under his desk sobbing uncontrollably at work right now.

Point being, regardless of the pace of the game, be it a blowout, low scoring, high scoring, highly contested or whatever else, as long as you have an active fantasy player in it, you won’t lose interest. We’ve known this for sometime, but since it was a Monday night game (the only matchup available), a blowout and we’re in the playoffs, it just seemed to typify what makes fantasy football so appealing in the first place.