Fantasy Football

We’re so regularly getting around to this later than expected that it is no longer later than expected. It’s just when we write it. So be it. Do not expect these Monday posts to go up anytime before 1PM EST and if they do, you should be flummoxed at our tremendous punctuality.

But what a letdown week from so many performers for the first week of most leagues playoffs. It’s almost unfathomable to figure just how so many players can come up so short in games that are pivotal for the playoff race. In short, if you had Chris Johnson or LenDale White on your team, you’re probably a little dissatisfied with the result. I mean, they were playing the Texans for God’s sake, it wasn’t exactly the 2000 Ravens or anything. Really? You guys can’t muster up even a combined 20 fantasy points against a 6-7 team? What can we depend on?

(On a personal note, we switched White out of our starting lineup immediately at around 12:58PM yesterday, due to a late and fortunate “Q” next to his name in Yahoo. We put in Kevin Faulk in place of him and needless to say, it was wise decision That’s right, Imma geniuse).

Certainly not the Giants, who look a little shorthanded without their star wideout. In the games they had played without Plax, I get the impression that the teams still had to prepare for him (sans that week 3 game against the Rams) and were a bit off-balance when it ended up he wasn’t going to play. Or maybe in the case of the Cardinals, they just are not all that great to begin with, and their record is askew from their actual talent by virtue of playing in the worst division in the NFL. Whatever it is, they’re not the same team without him, and this has our future bet in jeopardy. We didn’t watch the game, we were watching the Survivor finale, but if the numbers are any indication, winning big games against talented rosters is going to pose somewhat of an issue.

But that was the NFL in week 15, up was down and black was white. There wasn’t any continuity between yesterday’s games and the past fourteen weeks. Even the Colts needed the fourth quarter to beat the Lions. Needless to say, our record against the line took a significant hit in credibility. Not sure I really want to type out our record now, but lets just say that I knew the Giants were losing based on how everything else went earlier in the day. To bad we made our pick for that game last Friday instead of yesterday at 7:30PM.

Tough week for the Plaxinator and his soon to be former team.

And really, I shouldn’t say their wasn’t any continuity. Why, the Packers lost to the Jags. That’s pretty consistent with at least the past three weeks, if not the entire season. Good lord what a fall from grace they’ve had recently. Is it just nerves? Are they indifferent to the season now? How do they go from tied for the lead in a tough division to losing to Houston, Carolina (a warm weather team) at home and now to the lowly and under-achieving Jaguars on the road? We’re giving Mike McCarthy about a gazillion to one shot to keep his job at the end of the season, because the management wants someone to pin the season on who isn’t named Aaron Rodgers.

Can we even call that win from the Chargers a comeback? First of all, it was against the Chiefs. No one comes back against the Chiefs in 2008, you simply beat them. If you were down in the first place then you were being upset unless you’re the Raiders, Bengals, Lions, Seahawks, Rams and apparently the Redskins, to name a few. Secondly, the last few drives of the game I felt like could have been stopped by any competent defense in the league (which excludes all the aforementioned teams). All I’m saying is that if I’m a Chargers fan (or a Tomlinson owner) I’m not exactly thrilled when they need a series of miraculous plays to overcome a bottom-feeder in the fifteenth week of a season they were supposed to dominate. Odds Norv Turner keeps his job: Surprisingly pretty fucking high because AJ Smith doesn’t want to look like an idiot for firing Schottenheimer (sp?) in the first place.

Anyhow, it was an unpredictable week and we’re paying the price for it with our picks (we’re not linking to them one more time). But on a positive linear note, considering that whenever our fantasy team wins it squeaks out a victory against another team whose having a comparatively bad week, we actually dominated this week and scored more points than anyone else in our league to push us into the semifinals (assuming David Akers doesn’t rack up over 25 fantasy points). In other words, I hope I finish below .500 for the last two weeks of the season if this is the net result.

We’ll try to post more later, but are pressed for time as is. Definitely back tomorrow, though.

I haven’t watched nary a second of last night’s Bears-Saints game, but from looking at my fantasy page, it appears Reggie Bush either re-aggrevated his injury or was benched for fear of doing so. Either way, between him and Matt Forte, my opponent only managed roughly 22 points, with about 16 of them coming from the Bears running back. On the other hand, we didn’t play Colston because he’s had maybe four good games all season. Naturally, for what’s probably the second time we’ve benched him since he’s been healthy, he gets in the end zone. Fuck that Saints team and all their unpredictability.

There were considerably more games for last night and with the 1PM slate on Sunday, which pisses us off incredibly. Why does the NFL format their television schedule in the manner that they do? For the most part, every market gets four games on Sundays (three in the afternoon, one at night) and one game on Monday night. You can’t even consider the Thursday night game part of the lineup because it’s only available on the NFL Network (unless of course the NFL allows your local market to pick up the home team’s game that otherwise wouldn’t be available to them, I guess we should be grateful?).

So for the most popular sport in the country, they offer the layman under a third of all possible matchups on any given week (give or take one or two). Why not sparse it out a little more? Of the 16 games available to them after the byes, 13 of them air in only two different time slots. Does this not seem illogical? Even if you have NFL Network, you can only realistically follow one or two games at a time (depending on how many televisions you can cram into a living room).

Wouldn’t they be better served to start games at intersecting times. Maybe a couple at 11AM, a few at 1PM, some at 3PM, several at 5PM and save two for the prime time slots at 8PM on Sunday and Monday night? That is a lot more availability and as a result a lot more revenue, is it not? Look at The Oscars, or any entertainment awards show, they don’t just start chucking little trophies across the audiotorium to try and get it over with. No, they stretch it out over an unfathomable length of time to milk every dollar out of it they can.

I never thought the NFL equivalent of this format would be favorable.

Anyhow, I do not mean to tell the NFL its business, they’re obviously making money hand over fist with their current arrangement with both the broadcast networks, ESPN and the NFL network. But maybe if everything with the NFL wasn’t so exclusive, they wouldn’t have to lay off 150 people.

Onto the picks, home team in CAPS. We’re 0-0-1 on the week after last night’s game.

ARIZONA Pick ‘em Minnesota
Line Pick: I’ll take Arizona at home, despite them being 3-7 against all non NFC West teams. Minnesota is actually great in domes, so this might be unwise, but I think the Vikings are due for a loss.

Fantasy Advice: It might be a good day to start Berrian or whatever other receivers are on Minnesota, since it doesn’t seem like the Cardinals can stop anyone from passing the ball. But you do so at your own peril. This will probably be the first and last time I recommend starting a receiver who has either Gus Ferotte or Tavarais Jackson throwing to him. Minnesota has a great defense so you might want to consider benching Warner if you drafted him as a backup and he became your starter as the season moved forward. At this point, can you justify benching any Cardinals receivers? I say no.

NEW ENGLAND -7 Oakland
Line Pick: Yeesh, The Pats have left a lot to be desired the last couple weeks, but we’ll still take them to cover here. These two teams are polar opposites in terms of professionalism. Just based on that alone I can’t take Oakland with seven in Foxboro.

Fantasy Advice: I’d expect Moss to be out for a little vengeance, but I can’t recall a more indifferent hall of famer. Welker, Kevin Faulk and Cassel should all be safe options, and of course you should always start a defense who’s playing the Raiders. On the other side of the ball, much like the Bengals of Cincinnati, I wouldn’t go near any of their players.

CAROLINA -7 Denver
Line Pick: This Denver team has been an enigma for quite some time, but Carolina has been on a role and they’re deadly at home. I think you have your answer right their. Yes, I am aware of Jay Cutler’s arm strength, at this point I hope he’s mentioning it ironically.

Fantasy Advice: It’s a fire sale for Carolina Panthers. Stewart, Williams, Delhomme, Muhammad, Smith…regardless of how many you have, they all have to be starting. Denver…just play the regulars. You could make a stretch with someone like Stokley if you’re in a deep league, but Carolina’s defense is nothing to sneeze at.

BALTIMORE -2 Pittsburgh
Line Pick: Alright, maybe we didn’t do this Baltimore team justice last week, but we have a hard time believing they should be a favorite against a solidified and respected Pittsburgh defense. For this matchup, we’re going with the better of the two quarterbacks. Roethlisberger, though inconsistent and sort of disappointing throughout the course of the season, has faced defenses like this for four seasons now, in late season games against viable playoff teams. Flacco looks good beating up on Cleveland. We’ll take the points on the road.

Fantasy Advice: Pssh, Michael Clayton has been coming on a lot more since Baltimore discovered how to move the ball downfield, but it is hard to recommend anyone other than top-tier players against Pitt. The Steelers have Hines Ward, two running backs and a slew of other players that you have to reconsider starting against Baltimore. The offense, much a result of their quarterback, is rather erratic. I like Ward and Parker, but don’t expect more than a touchdown out of anyone else.

DALLAS -3 New York Giants
Line Pick: So they lose one game because of some errant dropped passes by a shell shocked wide receiver, and now they’re a 3-point dog against an 8-6 team? Of course they are. They’re playing the Cowboys in Dallas. Everyone is a dog. This Dallas team has too many “stars” to be an underdog, am I right? If you can’t tell, I’m taking the points with the Giants.

Fantasy Advice: Well, like we said, there are a lot of stars on Dallas, and the circumstances are such that I think you have to cap it at them. You really don’t want Miles Austin in their against this pass rush. Or Patrick Crayton. Tashard Choice if Barber isn’t playing. And Barber, whose had a Roethlisberger like season, is actually questionable. For the Giants, I would actually expect Ward to get his fair share of carries and for Toomer, Boss and Hixon to all produce.

PHILADELPHIA -14 Cleveland
Line Pick: Let’s just make it a rule of thumb, and give the points in every single game the Browns play for the next three weeks. Ken Dorsey. My God, they might as well put the Frisbee dog from PCU back there. For next week’s game against the Bengals, they should have David Spade get on the intercom and say, “Doesn’t matter who wins, because they’re all losers”.

Fantasy Advice: Westbrook, McNabb, Jackson and maybe even Buckhalter depending on how out of control things get. Oh, and with Dorsey lining up under center, I would use the same approach that I recommended for teams playing Oakland. On Cleveland’s side of the ball…Um, in really deep leagues, Jerome Harrison or Josh Cribbs might be worth a gamble. You can’t really play any of their receivers. Not that the Browns have used Dante Stallworth appropriately all season.

That’s it for the week. Enjoy the games and we’ll be back on Monday.

Our apologies for not posting yesterday, it wasn’t anything personal or due to a lack of talent, but extreme technical issues at work and with this site. It would have just been some nonsensical drivel to meet our daily quota anyways.

If your league has a playoff, week 15 is the one week where every league is actively participating in it. Either you’re winding down (semi-final or final) or just starting up (quarterfinal). Very few leagues only use four teams in their playoffs (which would be relegated to weeks 16 & 17, and seems way too exclusive for leagues over 8 teams, and even then, why not just throw every team in it? It’s a fucking fantasy league, not a gulag), so I wish you all that made it the best of luck. Unless of course you’re in my league, then I wish you nothing but misfortune and multiple injuries to each of your players.

Anyhow, since we missed our quota yesterday, today we’re going to exceed it with line picks and fantasy advice for tonight and Sunday’s 1PM games.

We kkkiiinnnnda came back down to earth with our NFL picks this week, going a dismal 7-9 thanks to unsuspectingly ugly wins from Denver and New England, absurd risks like St. Louis and Oakland, and no-shows from Tampa and Washington. That’s right, it’s everyone else’s fault but mine. If half of these games go the way they were supposed to, I finish 10-6 yet again, and increase my seasonal record to 30-16-2. Now I’m mired in mediocrity at 27-19-2. I am not hesitant to remind you that I still remain well over .500, but not so much so that I can claim savant status. We said it when we started doing this and we’ll say it again: Do not gamble on the NFL if you have alternatives.

But anyhow, onto this week’s picks. As always, home teams are in CAPS. See that, it’ll look just like that. But with different letters.

CHICAGO -3 New Orleans
Line Pick: Well, I’m taking the cold weather team in the cold weather town over the warm weather team that also plays in a dome. Call us crazy, but the Bears being unable to cover three against a team this inconsistent would be a good indicator that they’re not making the playoffs. They probably aren’t, but choking away this game means they wouldn’t have won but a couple games all season.

Fantasy Advice: See, for similar reasons stated above, we really like Matt Forte to show up to this game. I can’t think of any mid-level players to recommend for this one, but you’re probably not going to go wrong with either Greg Olsen or Jeremy Shockey.

ATLANTA -3 Tampa
Line Pick: Alright, it kinda fucked us going against the home NFC South team last week, so we’re going to remain steady this week. Atlanta at home should be able to cover three, especially after that dismal performance from Tampa on Monday night. Still, we will acknowledge that we are struggling with the notion of Tampa dropping two in a row. Perhaps they’re due, though.

Fantasy Advice: We’re going to go ahead and recommend Harry Douglas for this game. Call it a hunch. Also, since Warrick Dunn appears to be the only running back left in the NFL getting over 80% of his teams carries you should really be starting him as well. Do not be fooled by the Antonio Bryant game from last week. It was on primetime and flashy and admittedly impressive, he isn’t the type of receiver to replicate a performance like that.

Washington -7 CINCINNATI
Line Pick: Probably more so than any other team in the league, we cannot fathom what this team is going to do week in, week out. But since they appear to be imploding and they’re on the road…nope. No, we cannot do it. We refuse to take Cinncy, even with seven at Paul Brown. Take Washington because they are still probably under the impression that they’re in the playoff race.

Fantasy Advice: Again, we can’t recommend anyone from Cinncy. This Washington defense, even with the fallout on offense, is stingy. On Washington, well, we like the receivers (Thomas, Moss and Randle El) and now that Shaun Alexander is no longer around to get two carries a game and Portis is losing his mind, we like Betts to see some playing time.

Sometimes, image is pretty telling of personality.

INDIANAPOLIS -17 Detroit
Line Pick: Wow that’s a sizable line. But Detroit probably realizes there only winnable game from last week and are going to be rather unmotivated to give a shit. And Indy seems to be adjusting to their new stomping grounds quite nicely. We saw last week that Indy can dispatch the lesser teams at home quite handily.

Fantasy Advice: Anthony Gonzalez, Calvin Johnson and maybe Shaun McDonald. Obviously you’re going to start Manning. Addai has been slow to produce as of late, if he’s actually playing I wouldn’t hesitate to put him in. This Lions run defense made LenDale White look agile on Thanksgiving.

San Diego -5 KANSAS CITY
Line Pick: Well, speaking of teams I have a difficult time assessing, San Diego is the NFL equivalent of DaVinci Code (I haven’t seen or read it, so if it isn’t as much of an enigma as everyone makes it out to be, I stand corrected). I know Arrowhead is a difficult place to play in and the Chargers are fickle, but they never seem to struggle with the truly terrible teams in the league. I’ll give the points, but I feel like we’re doing that way too frequently this week.

Fantasy Advice: Darren Sproles broke off a huge game last week, could that have been the turning point we predicted about six weeks too early? Yes. Yes, I think it is. Especially since Tomlinson and the rest of the franchise still thinks he’s the better option, they might be more susceptible to play who they think is the least valuable of the two. On KC’s side, I like Bowe to come through big for his owners. Gonzalez, Rivers and San Diego’s receivers should all be viable options. Even Malcolm Floyd.

ST LOUIS (no line) Seattle
Line Pick: You have my sympathies if you do not have Direct TV and are forced to watch this game. Even if you’re a fan of one of these two teams. Shit, at least when you’re watching the Cards wail away on your boys, at least you’re watching a playoff team. Anyhow, since I can’t find a line and am picking a winner, I’ll take the home team even though Seattle showed a little something against New England last week. It must be sad when your team’s best game of the season is in a loss.

Fantasy Advice: Well, I don’t know what to tell you. Start everybody or start nobody. St Louis’ defense is atrocious and Seattle’s isn’t far behind. The Rams produce a better offense and Seattle spreads it around a little too much to actually recommend a receiver. I suppose if you have Deon Branch then your inclined to start him against the Rams. But man does that feel tentative with Seneca Wallace throwing to him on the road.

Miami -6.5 San Fransisco
Line Pick: Alright, San Fran appears to have made a leap as evidenced against the Jets last week. But that was at home. None the less, Miami can still win this game and not cover, and they’re not exactly prone to blowing teams out. Even though we feel like everyone is buying into Mike Singletary way too prematurely, we’ll take San Fran to cover but to lose.

Fantasy Advice: Ted Ginn, who we seem to recommend every week and he never comes through, we are going to recommend yet again. Because he eventually has to have another good game, right? RIGHT? Both defenses are pretty apt so in reality we’re going to say start both of them. Though they’ll both give up some points, they’ll also create turnovers against inconsistent (some might say shitty) offenses.

NEW YORK JETS -7 Buffalo
Line Pick: Well, we’ll take the Jets. I know they’ve had a couple bad losses (Denver at home and the Niners in San Fran), but they’ll be out for blood. And a conference rival at home is a great opportunity for everyone to hop back on the “Jets will compete for the Superbowl” bandwagon. Brett Favre makes people do some crazy things.

Fantasy Advice: Marshawn Lynch, Thomas Jones, Dustin Keller & Jerricho Cotchery should all produce for their owners. I have a hard time recommending that you bench any starter on either of these teams that you may have. Except for Lee Evans. Whenever in doubt, always bench Lee Evans.

Green Bay -2.5 JACKSONVILLE
Line Pick: Wow, lose to the Texans and you lose Vegas’ respect. Personally, I like the Green Bay to win by at least three, as Jacksonville seems fundamentally broken. Two disappointing teams, we’ll take the least disappointing of the two in Green Bay.

Fantasy Advice: Jacksonville’s mystique on defense seems to have left with Marcus Stroud, so we’ll go ahead and recommend Driver, Lee and Ryan Grant. On Jacksonville’s side, you have to start Jones-Drew because Green Bay’s rush defense is surprisingly terrible, but everyone else is benchable. If Matt Jones could have feigned that suspension for one more week, we’d throw him into the mix as well, but funny things happen when you get pulled over with a massive amount of cocaine on you.

Tennessee -3 HOUSTON
Line Pick: Wow, beat Green Bay on the road and everyone is fooled, huh? I mean, they’re at home for this one but we’re talking about a 12-1 team. Lay the points, take the best team in the league to beat a 6-7 team on the road convincingly.

Fantasy Advice: Yeah, I like Chris Johnson, but LenDale White feels due for one of those 5 carry 12 yard games that he was producing before he complained about his playing time against the Jets. Houston’s two wideouts (Walter and Johnson) are must starts at this point. I would bench Slaton if you have another option, though. No one runs well against this Tennessee team. For much different reasons, I wouldn’t start either quarterback.

That’s it for today, the rest of this week’s games tomorrow.

We’ll do either this or the Best of The Worst posts for the last three weeks of the season, depending on how each week goes. Since we didn’t have a chance to do a thorough recap of the week and we need to present someone with the Tim Hightower Performance of The Week award, we’re opting for this over the typically downtrodden and unnecessarily scathing list of players who failed to come through for you. So, without further ado, the players who if they did anything in your league, probably massacred your team in a freak set of circumstances that led to your opponent in actually starting him.

1) Antonio Bryant
Considering we went out of our way to take a shot at the young man, we figured it was only appropriate to acknowledge his performance from last night. Nine receptions for 200 yards and two touchdowns is probably the best receiving performance of the season. Not in terms of fantasy, but in just well-rounded professionalism. They still lost. But it certainly wasn’t a result of his shoddy play. Of course, he’s only owned by 68% of Yahoo teams, some of which probably picked him up last night during the game, so lets say it’s 60%. It isn’t a stretch to assume only half of the teams that did own him actually started him, which means that only 30% of Yahoo teams had the leading fantasy scorer of the week in an active roster spot.

2) Seneca Wallace
We toyed with putting him in the top spot but decided against it since Bryant was in fact the leading point scorer for the week. Never the less, their wasn’t a thing about this game that couldn’t shock someone out of a coma, not the least of which was Seneca Wallace throwing for three touchdowns. Considering he is only owned in 2% of yahoo leagues, we’re awarding Seneca Wallace the Tim Hightower Award of the week. Congrats Seneca, our expectations for you are so low that you’re earning an award named after a current rookie in your sixth season in the league.

It was just like that first half of his last season at Iowa State. Man, that was glorious.

3) Bryant Johnson
Finally. He finally lived up to the “he’ll be a star wide out now that he has a starting position in an offense under Mike Martz” hype that was forwarded at the beginning of the season. All it took for this to happen was a head coaching change, two quarterback replacements and 13 games. Man, I would have held onto him if I knew that he would come through so abruptly with 6 catches for 49 yards and a touchdown. Anyhow, this is only sort of unexpected since we actually picked San Fransisco to cover.

4) Vinsanthe Shiancoe
We’re reluctant to put a tight end on here, only because any big game from a tight end beyond the top five or six is relatively surprising and he was facing the Lions. But he does play for Minnesota after all, who currently have the 25th worst passing offense in the league (we’re surprised it’s that high); and he is relatively unknown. So in a week as uninspiring as this one from all perspectives this is what 5 catches for 65 yards and a touchdown will earn you.

5) John Carlson
Naturally, unless you live in the northwest or went to Notre Dame, you have no idea who this is. Well, he’s a receiver for the Seahawks who was on the receiving end of one of Seneca Wallace’s three touchdowns, not to mention the other seven catches he had. Deon Branch had the other two, but since he is relatively well known and we hadn’t hard of John Carlson until today (or if we have we forgot about him), he is getting the five spot.

Probably it for today. Back tomorrow with advice for week 15.

We watched virtually no football yesterday as we were driving back from Atlanta and it we would have needed to score about 5,000 points in addition to needing a loss from another game to have even a prayer of finishing in the money. So even when we finally got back home we didn’t really do much overview as to what happened. But it looks like just from glancing at the scores in my league, it looks like production was down throughout the league. And this brings me to one dilemma with playoffs in not just fantasy football, but all fantasy sports.

Too often is it that in the waning weeks of a season, teams already securely in or out of the playoffs a team’s star player(s) will see more and more of the bench so as to avoid needless injury. I can understand this line of thinking, but when you have a fantasy playoff in the last two or three weeks of the season everything is adversely effected by things completely beyond your control.

There isn’t much anyone can do about it, other than use your own prognostication before your draft and select players from teams you think will still be vying for a playoff spot when week 17 rolls around. But some of the following options which a lot of leagues do but certainly isn’t the norm are worth considering if this bothers you like it bothers me.

1) Avoid a playoff altogether. Depending on how you distribute winnings in your league, the bulk of the prize money should go to the regular season champ. He/she went through 14 or 15 weeks of relentless threats to eventually end out on top. So why not just extend it a few weeks and make it for the entire season? That way, the end result will only be moderately effected by the last two or three weeks. And instead of giving either the majority or a substantial amount of prize money to someone who lucked out with roster changes, you can give it to someone whose season was only partially improved or worsened by league formalities.

My only issue with this is the money distribution is too top heavy. You generally only payout two people in a ten person league, and it doesn’t provide those with an opportunity to deem the season a success, or even a chance to break even. While this might seem like Commie fantasy football, we’re still only rewarding 30% of the league, and it just offers the middle-tier regular season teams with an opportunity at turning a profit out of it. Obviously the teams that win the regular season make the playoffs, so we’re not denying them the chance to cash out even more. But just granting opportunity to those who didn’t.

2) Adjust your playoffs to coordinate with the NFL playoffs. This will have to be made abundantly clear to the rest of your league before the draft so people can adjust accordingly. Personally, I am not in favor of this because no one knows who will make the playoffs in such a parity driven league, but it is an alternative. Not to mention that come week 16 or 17 of the NFL season, it would create a mad dash to the waiver wire that would be predicated mostly on luck. Most people in favor of this tend to have tremendous egos, so you might be able to capitalize on that somehow.

If you wanted to use the NFL playoffs as the playoffs for your fantasy league, one option is to re-draft amongst the teams that got into the playoffs. Obviously you would have to decrease roster sizes so they’re proportional with how many eligible teams there are to draft from and how many teams you are drafting with. But this still has its setbacks because the people drafting are also being asked to predict NFL outcomes instead of just individual performances, which is what fantasy football has always been about.

If I was to opt for one of the following three options, I’d probably go with ditching the playoff format and just extending the regular season. But certainly moving the playoffs provides an interesting twist, if not a familiar one. All fantasy leagues seem to operate under a different set of circumstances, personally, I tend to think that each of these formats has their faults and prefer the one I’m already using. But given the size of your league and how important the distribution is to you, you might disagree.

Back with more tomorrow.

If you’re wondering why we are posting these so late on a Thursday night as opposed to late Friday morning, then you probably are hard-pressed for a social life so I might as well tell you. We are heading down to Atlanta for the SEC title game. I apologize for writing these a day earlier than anticipated, I can’t imagine how upside down your world is now.

Anyhow, these are for the 4PM through Monday night games, for tonight’s and the 1PM games go here.

BUFFALO -1 Miami
Line Pick: I’ll take Miami. Now, to more pressing matters: why the fuck is this a 4PM game? The game is being played in Canada and I do not know any Canadians. Are they prone to sleeping in really, really late? Because usually 4PM games on the east coast are reserved for matchups between two high profile teams with Superbowl aspirations. While both of these squads are above .500 (or just at it), they have mostly the widespread parity that overruns the NFL for that. I can’t imagine Chad Pennington or Trent Edwards leading teams to .500 records in the mid 90’s. So yeah, fuck you NFL, for this bizarre scheduling.

Fantasy Advice: Ronnie Brown, Ricky Williams, Ted Ginn for Miami. Marshawn and maybe Fred Jackson in your deeper leagues. You start Buffalo wide outs at your own peril in fantasy football. I’m not going to contribute to that.

DENVER -9 Kansas City
Line Pick: Even though it feels to conventional and like it’s going to bite me in the ass, I like the Broncos to cover. At home, it looked like they got some of their swagger back against the Jets, and well, their playing the Chiefs. If they can force two turnovers against that offense I can’t even fathom KC keeping it inside nine.

Fantasy Advice: Jay Cutler’s throwing arm is so strong, that he lifted Chief and the water fountain over his head in one thrust. Jay Cutler’s throwing arm is so strong, they super-imposed it into the movie Over The Top when he was a toddler. Jay Cutler’s throwing arm is so strong, that when he beats off his seed shatters glass. Obviously you should start Jay Cutler, lest you feel the wrath of his bulldozer of a left bicep. They say it’s sculpted from the finest metals. Also, you probably won’t go wrong with any KC running back or Denver wide out.

The AFC West might be the worst division in football, but their first in professional applauders. Which is just as rewarding.

New York Jets -4 SAN FRANSISCO
Line Pick: I like this Niners team enough to cover a Jets team traveling cross country. Why? The same reason they beat Buffalo on the road: persistence. Remember that Monday nighter in Arizona? They didn’t relent despite being outmatched, disorganized and on the road. I have a feeling something got exposed in the Jets armor last Sunday against Denver. We’ll take the Niners, hope things go well and hope Singletary doesn’t give some school kids a fruit bowl.

Fantasy Advice: Alright, we’re at a point in the season where no one can justify starting anyone from the Niners other than Frank Gore and, as of recently, Isaac Bruce. For the Jets, we like Keller (again) and Cotchery. And naturally Jones, but if anyone has Thomas Jones and isn’t automatically starting him, you’re beyond our help.

New England -4.5 SEATTLE
Line Pick: Does anyone remember Bill Belichick so much as even struggling with a team as bad as this Seahawks squad? They’ll win by 20.

Fantasy Advice: Anyone on New England is a viable candidate this week. Ben Watson, Jabbar Gaffney, Wes Welker, Matt Cassel. If you’re in a deep enough league, leave nothing to chance. As for Seattle…Umm, Maurice Morris or TJ Duckett might score you a couple late touchdowns. I don’t know, you’re better off finding a monkey to set your lineup than actually putting any thought into starting a 2008 Seahawk on your fantasy roster.

ARIZONA -13.5 St Louis
Line Pick: I know it would be idiotic to give him the award and I typically hate contrarian bullshit like this, but Stephen Jackson is arguably the most valuable player to his team in the league. They can’t stay within three touchdowns against anyone without him and compete against the Patriots and Dolphins with him (not to mention beat the Redskins and Cowboys). What I’m trying to say is, take the points but keep in mind that Arizona is much more effective at home than they are in, say, Philadelphia.

Fantasy Advice: Well, the aforementioned Stephen Jackson is the only recommendation we can make for the Rams. Though in some of your deeper leagues Donnie Avery is definitely someone worth considering. If you don’t know by now, just start any of the three receivers for Arizona. If you don’t know which three I’m referring too, just know I don’t mean Jeremy Urban.

PITTSBURGH -3 Dallas
Line Pick: We always miss with this Pittsburgh team and we fucking hate the Cowboys, so our pre-set notions aren’t serving us well here. Since Pitt won so convincingly in New England last week and Dallas seems to be on something of a roll (not just anyone can host and dismantle the Seahawks this year), we’re going to take the points and go with Dallas, even though we tend to think Pitt is the better of the two squads. Why are we using such inverted logic? Because we’re 20-10-2 through two weeks and nothing in the NFL makes sense.

Fantasy Advice: Pittsburgh is still relatively inconsistent in the passing game and it looks like with Parker banged up but expecting to play, you can’t put too much stock in either him or Moore. This all kind of explains why we like Dallas to cover, as their offense should be able to move the ball against Pitt. Or at least as much as anyone has. With Dallas, we like a lot of the reservers (Austin, Crayton, Tashard Choice). The only way to keep Pittsburgh honest is to keep them off balance. If Jason Garrett is even half as smart as Jerry Jones wants him to be, then he’ll know this.

BALTIMORE -5 Washington
Line Pick: Baltimore’s been on a tear as of late, but it’s been against garbage teams (Cleveland, Cinncy, Houston an Eagles team that only played McNabb for a half, and one blowout loss to the Giants in the middle of all that). They both need the win to stay in the playoff race, but Washington is much more desperate. We’ll take the five and the dog.

Fantasy Advice: Two stingy defenses going up against struggling quarterbacks. We’ll say Portis is a must because we have eyes, and both defenses should force some turnovers against inexperienced quarterbacks.

CAROLINA -3 Tampa Bay
Line Pick: Good golly is this an intriguing match-up. I think Tampa is the vastly superior team but their on the road. Carolina had a big win against Green Bay and shows no signs of slowing down. We’re actually going to take Tampa because Carolina’s offense is a little too one-dimensional (throw to Steve Smith, hand off to Williams) and Delhomme is susceptible to one of those horrendous Delhomme specials. Tampa is too good of a defense to fall to that. At least by a wide margin.

Fantasy Advice: Well, Steve Smith and DeAngelo Williams. Obviously. If they can get a win out of this, Carolina will also have to utilize Muhammad and Jonathan Stewart (You see how we hedged our bets there?). Tampa is sort of an enigma, fantasy wise. If Cadillac is getting carries it renders Dunn obsolete (and vice versa). Garcia is only good in either leagues with 14+ teams and two quarterback leagues, and at receiver reliability is defined by Antonio Bryant. Yeah, I guess I’m saying only go with the running backs.

Alright. That’s it. We’ll return on Monday with something half as comprehensive as this. Enjoy the great slate of games this weekend.

Our apologies for being so untimely, we had to write this at our late lunch.

It’s time to post our line picks for the upcoming week, and I hate to do it but I told you it would happen. After a strong 10-4-2 start in week 12, we followed up in week 13 with a similar 10-6, bring our record against the lines to 20-10-2 on the season. Or rather, since we’ve been doing this. If it happens again this week and we increase our winning percentage, I think it’s safe to label us a savant for these purposes. Again, you’re welcome.

As far as fantasy advice is concerned, we’re working with a contrasting success rate. That is, our fantasy suggestions would be justification for throwing us into prison, considering hosting a website on fantasy football is supposed to suggest we might be an authority on the subject.

Onto the lines/fantasy advice. Home team in caps.

SAN DIEGO -9.5 Oakland
Line Pick: Well fuck me. I didn’t even realize there was another shitty Thursday night game tonight until just now. See, that’s why we do this. So we actually give a shit about the NFL Tuesday-Saturday. Anyhow, I’d probably take Oakland here. The Charger defense is wretched and Oakland’s is good enough to keep it within a score. I hate doing this because it puts a modicum of faith in JaMarcus Russell or whoever Cable plugs in at quarterback to accomplish anything. I can’t wait to read later tonight that Oakland lost by ten.

Fantasy Advice: No one on the Raiders unless we have a clear cut picture on who’s getting the majority of the carries in their backfield. San Diego should produce good games from any speculative number of wide outs, and Tomlinson is capable of delivering. But putting faith in San Diego to live up to expectations is obviously a futile enterprise. In short, I have no fucking idea. Start who you normally would and bench Vincent Jackson if you think he isn’t due for a good game.

CHICAGO -6.5 Jacksonville
Line Pick: Well, both teams suffered disappointing losses last week, but Chicago is still contending for the playoffs. That, combined with the home field advantage and Jacksonville’s banged up offensive line, I think is enough to lay the points with the Bears. Still, I take this line with a lot of trepidation.

Fantasy Advice: If last week is any indication, Kyle Orton and Matt Forte are going to light this defense up. You could say the same thing about David Gerrard but I have no idea who he’d throw to and Jones-Drew is amazingly sporadic with his exceptional play. You have to start him, but it feels like a week to week ordeal. Not once have I felt confident about a Jones-Drew game. yet he averages over 16 points a week and I’ve started every week he hasn’t had a bye.

Minnesota (no line) DETROIT
Line Pick: When I say “no line”, it means for the life of me I can’t find one anywhere. And that is understandable. With both Kevin and Pat Williams suspended for four games as a result of the steroid scandal no one recalls or gives a shit about, Vegas probably needs a couple extra days to recalibrate their stance. I can understand their trepidation. Much of Minnesota’s success hinges on their pass rush. When you remove two potential pro-bowlers from it, well, it becomes conceivable that they could lose to a 0-12 team on the road. If the line is over ten we say take Detroit, under stick with the Vikings and realize that if you’re picking the Lions to outright lose this game, you’re picking them to go 0-16, which I think is a fitting conclusion to the Matt Millen era. Hey, remember when they were 6-2 last season and everyone though they’d make the playoffs? Man, that was a wild two months.

Fantasy Advice: I still like Peterson and Taylor to come through with some good numbers. Calvin Johnson should have a monster day with the crippled front seven from the Vikes, depending on just how crippled you consider them to be, Kevin Smith and Shaun McDonald might prove to be viable options as well.

GREEN Bay -5.5 Houston
Line Pick: Hmm, a dome team going up to Green Bay in December, that always works out well. Even though Houston covered handily, I have no idea why they are getting relatively generous lines. They are 5-7 right? I’ll take the Pack to win by a couple scores.

Fantasy Advice: Donald Driver, Donald Lee, Kevin Walter, Steve Slaton, Ryan Grant & Aaron Rodgers should all come through for their owners. I also like Green Bay’s defense to rack up some points. They have an uncanny ability to make mediocre quarterbacks look like Akili Smith.

TENNESSEE -13.5 Cleveland
Line Pick: Unless you like Ken Dorsey going up against one of the two best defenses in the league on the road, I’d lay the points.

Fantasy Advice: Chirs Johnson & LenDale White should tally up some yards. I actually like Justin Gage to come through with a serviceable performance. As for Cleveland…if Lucifer hasn’t sucked whatever dexterity was left in Braylon Edwards I don’t know if we’ll be able to tell, because I just can’t see Ken Dorsey getting him the ball on a consistent basis. In other words, the passing game will be shit, and as a result the running game will be shit. I wouldn’t start any Browns unless you feel differently about Dorsey, and then you can only justify the tight end (Winslow or Heiden) or Edwards.

INDIANAPOLIS -13.5 Cincinnati
Line Pick: Tough week for the NFL in Ohio, but when isn’t it? Hahaha. But seriously, I’d take the Colts, who’ve struggled to cover lately but at least it was on the road. In the safe haven of that state of the art ice skating rink they play in, Manning should be able to redeem himself from last week in Cleveland. Either way, the Colts are fucked in the playoffs if they’re struggling that much on the road against the Browns. If they have to go to New England, New York, Denver or Baltimore, cold weather teams with functioning offenses, it will be lambs to the slaughter. In short, some things never change and Manning will never look comfortable with a millimeter of snow on the ground. Honestly, the aliens in Signs reacted more professionally to the site of water than Manning does to snow.

Fantasy Advice: Manning, Dallas Clark and Addai should all run rough shot over Marvin Lewis’ improved from 2007 but still terrible defense.

A reference to the only good Shyamalan film? I guess.

NEW ORLEANS -3 Atlanta
Line Pick: Even though both Carolina and Atlanta disproved our “NFC South sucks balls on the road” theory, the records are still really, really disproportionate. Not to mention both Carolina and San Diego we’re still playing inferior opponents, even if they were impressive wins. But of the four in the division, The Saints have the biggest disparity in road vs. home performances. I like New Orleans to cover and make a late season push to attempt to win this division. They’ll need a lot of assistance (divisional opponent losses), but it isn’t beyond comprehension. I don’t think anyone is looking at the Panthers or Bucs and thinking these teams are full-proof.

Fantasy Advice: Any Saint receiver you can get your hands on. With Deuce McAllister out Pierre Thomas should be indispensable. On the Falcons side I like Turner, Wade and Jenkins to put up some points.

NEW YORK GIANTS -7 Philadelphia
Line Pick: I know the Eagles looked impressive against the Cardinals and I know they always play the Giants harder than anyone else in the league, but I’m not betting against this Giants team until they give me reason too. I would be lying if I said I didn’t have a looming sense of a 3-interception day from Manning, but I am going with the favorite. Also, lets be honest, I think everyone’s concerns about Warner in cold weather were validated last week.

Fantasy Advice: Jacobs/Ward, Toomer, Hixon and Boss will all have respectable performances, while I wouldn’t know where to start with Philly. Is LJ Smith still playing? Go with him if he is. I could see DeSean Jackson breaking off a large touchdown on Sunday, but it hinges on McNabb getting enough time in the pocket to get it to him.

4PM games through Monday later tonight.

In wake of the Giants releasing Plaxico Burress, I think a replacements post is in order. This has been an incredibly difficult season to keep your ducks in order, what with excessive injuries, multiple suspensions, steroids, teams distancing themselves more and more from a star format and run by committee now rampant throughout the league. With all that’s taken place this season, it stands to reason that you’ve had about 40% turnover on your roster. Coming down the stretch run, where picking up a backup running back filling in for an injured starter can win you a week in the playoffs. At this point in the season it becomes crucial to take advantage of these unexpected opportunities. And just think, if Plax had worn some nice Chinos out to that club, we probably wouldn’t even be having this conversation.

So long, sweet prince. Can't wait to see you on the Redskins next year.

Receivers
Domenik Hixon/Amani Toomer: I’m not sure why it is, but when Plax has been out of the lineup, they tend to throw the ball a lot more. Maybe his field presence opens up the run, maybe they throw it more out of spite because Coughlin has clearly never liked the guy. Whatever it is, now that he is out of commission for the remaining four weeks, expect Toomer and Hixon to see an increased number of receptions. Both are talented enough to carry the load, and the offense actually seems more potent with Burress out since defenses have no idea who to prioritize.

Davone Bess/Ted Ginn: This is dicey, because it hinges on the fact that Greg Camarillo is out for the season. Who the fuck is that? Exactly. These three make up the Dolphins receiving core, and while their offense focuses on the run cutting down the number of passing targets can only mean good things for a corp. that was pretty evenly split to begin with. Ginn was probably already on a roster about a month ago, but Bess should really still be a free agent, at least before Sunday. If he wasn’t then your league is too deep and all of you need to get outside more.

Mark Clayton: No injuries, no suspensions, just an improving offense that he looks to be the main beneficiary of. I wouldn’t get to excited and thrust him in the starting lineup against the Titans or anything. But if they have remaining games at home against one of the many terrible defenses in their conference, Clayton could rip off quite a performance under the radar (which is how the Ravens do everything).

Tight Ends
Kevin Boss: He’s still a free agent in our league, so I imagine he is in several others as well. Tight ends are difficult to advocate for, most of them are incredibly inconsistent and just about everyone sticks with the one they drafted unless he sustains injury (Todd Heap every year but this one) or is an unmitigated disaster (Alge Crumpler). But for the same reasons why I recommend acquiring Toomer and Hixon, I’m also advocating for Boss. Probably the most underrated tight end on the best team in the league. If he’s available, I’d pick him up and start him when you play credible defenses.

Dustin Keller: He’s probably since been taken off of free agency, but on the slim chance he’s actually available, take him and start him over anyone except Tony Gonzalez, Antonio Gates, Cris Cooley, Jason Witten, Dallas Clark and maybe Owen Daniels (his QB’s turn the ball over too much). That’s it. If you do not have one of these five, Keller is your best option.

Running Backs
Le’Ron McClain: Do not let the goofy fucking name fool you, this guy is a load and uses it to his advantage. In an increasingly potent offense and with Ray Rice and Willis McGahee battling nagging injuries, McClain should get the majority of the carries. Baltimore is probably the only team in the NFL more deceptive with their injury report than New England, so be leery of a questionable from either Rice or McGahee.

Backups: Assuming Peyton Hillis has already been picked up in your league. We haven’t exactly had a rash of running back injuries as of late. Some to keep an eye on however, would be Dominick Rhodes, Corell Buckhalter, Chester Taylor, Melwede Moore, Darren Sproles & Pierre Thomas. Again, I don’t know you and can’t attest to whether or not any of these players, if any, are available in your league (only three of them are in mine). This tends to be the position we see the most turnover at this time of the season (especially from non-playoff contenders). Be ready every Sunday to pull the trigger on any and all of them.

Defenses
We don’t have any single recommendation here, but if you have Minnesota’s defense (ahem), then you’re currently fucked. Our recommendation is to pick up as many defenses as possible for teams that are either playing the Rams, Lions, Raiders or Bengals. That’s you’re only hope.

Back tomorrow with lines and fantasy recommendations for week 14.

This is on ongoing segment we’ll hold onto, as kvetching about inexplicably bad performances is half the enjoyment of participating in fantasy sports. Considering only roughly 20% of us ever finish in the money or walk away with a sense of validation, I think maintaining the one weekly post where we single out and ridicule various players is a necessity.

1) Peyton Manning
Maybe you deserve this top spot and maybe you do not, but I have you on my team so we’re putting you here regardless. Jesus. One would assume that in times like these, I wish I had a second quarterback on my team, but it’s exactly the opposite. If I had, say, Gus Ferotte as a backup and he is playing the Bears like he did this week while Manning is playing the Browns; there isn’t a chance in hell I’m starting Ferotte over Manning based on the inconceivable notion that Ferotte could outscore Manning under any circumstances, much less quadruple Manning’s fantasy production on a single play against a superior opponent. So instead of being bitter that just my first round draft pick had an unbelievably terrible performance against one of the leagues worst defenses, I would have been bitter that I left a perfectly viable performer sitting on my bench to rot. Anyhow, get fucked with a farming utensil, Peyton.

2) Vincent Jackson
You’re not exactly a power player so you probably do not deserve this sort of recognition. But still, what the fuck, Vincent? You play an entire game and you fail to catch a single pass. We live on the other end of the country so we weren’t able to watch the game, we had assumed you were Anquan Boldined or something. But no, you just failed to score even a fraction of a point in fantasy. More importantly, Who the fuck still goes by Vincent in their 20’s? Isn’t it just customary to cut it to Vince, or Vinnie, if you want to go the Italian route? I think this explains a lot about why you can actually start a game at receiver and fail to score a single point or have any impact on the game whatsoever.

It may not exude athletic prowess, but if someone said his name at least I would assume it was in reference to an adult.

3) Braylon Edwards
We could fill this list with people on our fantasy team alone, but I promise this is the last one, as it’s kind of a stretch. Shit, relative to that putrid contest that took place in Cleveland on Sunday, Edwards was among the top performers. I mean he only caught two passes for 36 yards, but still, it felt like the world was going to collapse on itself with both receptions. This isn’t really warranted anymore. Once you have so many terrible weeks in one season, you’re supposed to be excluded from contention here. But Edwards has been such a regular disappointment that I can’t help myself. Oh, and he has Ken Dorsey throwing to him for the rest of the season, too. To be frank, we can only go uphill. Shit, at least on their last drive, Dorsey had the balls to throw to him beyond five yards. That was impressive.

4) Laverneus Coles
I’ve never encouraged a player to retire in any sport, but I think it’s time we hang up the cleats, Laverneus. Two receptions for two total yards are Rudy numbers. That is, the books will recognize that you played but no one else will. Thanks for showing up, I hope the long distance relationship with Chad Pennington is going well, but it appears to be effecting your season. I mean, you have Brett Favre, Mr. Gunslinger/unapologetic interception throwing to you. He’ll throw into triple coverage for a five percent chance of getting you the ball. And you only manage 2 catches for 2 yards. Disgraceful.

5) Brandon Marshall
Alright, what the fuck is going on? Has Eddie Royale in his rookie year usurped you during your breakout season? That would be unprecedented turnover for an NFL team. The only time I can recall this happening is Randy Moss out-shined Jake Reed in his rookie season when Reed was about to take the leap. They both had good seasons (everyone on the Minnesota team did), but Reed was an afterthought to Carter and Moss. What’s amazing isn’t that you failed to score ten points, it’s that you failed to do so while your teammates racked up 34 points of offense in a stunning upset. Five catches for 55 yards might get you recognition in the real world, but over here in fantasy land that only earns you the wrath of hapless pretend owners. It’s palpable, I know.

Honorable mention: Clinton Portis, Frank Gore, Matt Cassel (couldn’t do it based on only a two game history of great games, but the hype he received for those two games, the backlash was tempting), Joseph Addai, Antonio Gates, Randy Moss.

Probably it for today.

This was a rather askew week for fantasy football and the NFL alike, mostly as a result of a fucking monsoon devastating the 4PM and Sunday night games taking place in the eastern time zone, but it definitely had an effect on the 1PM games as well. If anyone was unfortunate enough to watch the Browns-Colts, then you can probably attest to as much.

First off, let me just say that I can definitely sympathize with anyone who had fantasy players in that game who weren’t either defenses. I’m not sure if it was the weather or what, but if I had any authoritative control over what took place in Cleveland yesterday I would be offering a tearful apology. It looked like Romeo Crennel was actually under the impression that his 6-3 lead that he accrued in the second quarter would actually hold the entire game, so the conditions must have been atrocious. Or Crennel is an overrated coach who had one fluke season with a soft schedule and is clearly in over his head. Tomato, tamato.

But when you have Manning, Braylon Edwards (and to a lesser extent, Dallas Clark) on your roster in just that one game, and you face a four touchdown Brian Westbrook performance, well, it’s impressive that you even finish within fifty points of your opponent. Not to mention a Vincent Jackson performance that failed to net a single catch in yet another disappointing home loss. Combine that with Denver winning in surprising dominant fashion at the Jets, and their season is effectively over.

But enough self-loathing, as their was a litany of lopsided surprises this weekend. In addition to the Broncos beating the streaking Jets, Minnesota racked up 34 in a win against the defensive oriented Bears, Pittsburgh decided to show up this week and put a drubbing on the Patriots in New England and though it was a little more even, Carolina managed to make me look like an idiot by winning in Green Bay. The latter turned out to be the only entertaining game of the week.

For a week with fifteen games played in it, eight of them were decided by 16 points or more, another was the Chiefs-Raiders, one was the aforementioned Colts-Browns, a third was the Niners 10-3 win in Buffalo (marking the first time a pacific team beat an eastern team on the road), and another was a 16-12 eyesore involving the Dolphins and Rams. That leaves three games that may have proven intriguing, and their was nothing all that spectacular about any of them.

In short, it was a terrible week to be confined to a living room watching football. The only thing that could have redeemed it would have been a fantasy win. Or even the potential for a win. Being subjected to the Colts-Browns wasn’t exactly making for a great afternoon. At least over on FOX we had a Giants-Redskins contest that everyone insisted was going to be hotly contested.

It wasn’t. The Giants beat them as convincingly as they seem to beat everyone these days. Which brings me to the Plaxico Burress debacle, who might have just exceeded every conceivable measure that one could lose a fantasy player. I wouldn’t know how long it takes to recover from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the leg, as I only watch The Wire and don’t attempt to embody it (Speaking of which, someone should tell Burress that Avon Barksdale and Stringer Bell never carried a firearm; so he probably doesn’t need to either). But even if he is cleared medically to play before the end of the season (which he won’t be), I can’t imagine Coughlin, Giants front office or law and order Goodell approving his return.

Naturally, because things had been trudging along too smoothly for the Giants, it looks like Antonio Pierce could be implicated in some wrong doing for potentially disposing of the illegal firearm of which Burress shot himself. Derrick Ward was reportedly at the club with them, but doesn’t seem to have any rumors circulating about his involvement. Now, one could look at the three games the Giants have played this season without Burress (this week, last week against the Cardinals and a one game suspension against the Rams) and conclude that they probably do not need him to repeat. But losing Pierce would be catastrophic, as the Giants are stretched thin on defense as it is. Normally I wouldn’t care about any of this, but when you have a $50, 20-1 stake in a teams season, it tends to pique your interest.

Right now, the Giants look like the clear cut favorite to win the NFC, but with the Titans, Colts, Steelers (and to a lesser extent) the Jets all peaking at the right time; that AFC supremacy we’ve heard about for the past seven or eight years starts to look more and more glaring. For the time being, they’re still the favorites. But teams have under-performed in the past with much fewer setbacks and distractions. We’ll see just how much like Teflon this Giants team is next week against the Cowboys.

And finally, in honor of the crapshoot that is the 2008 NFL season, we’re going to be issuing an award for the least suspecting performance of every Saturday every week. Last week we dubbed this the Tim Hightower/Peyton Hillis/Mark Bradley performer of the day, but for the sake of brevity we’ll cut it to the Tim Hightower award. The stipulations for this award is that you have to be owned by less than 30% of the leagues on Yahoo, relatively obscure and have an aberration of a performance for one week.

This week’s Tim Hightower award winner: Mark Clayton. Clayton, a fourth year receiver out of Oklahoma managed to receive and pass for a touchdown last week against the lowly Bengals. He is often confused with Michael Clayton, who was also a first round draft pick taken out of LSU the season before Mark. Our winner has toiled away in obscurity as Baltimore has struggled to find a legitimate passing game ever since Vinny Testaverde bolted for the Jets in the late 90’s. So congratulations, Mark Clayton, on dropping a third of your seasonal production in one week on nobody in particular because you’ve never been reliable enough to own, much less start.

That’s it for today, back with more tomorrow.