Fantasy Football

In honor of the Bengals being named this season’s Hard Knocks team, we’re reviewing the AFC North’s draft this week for fantasy football. It’s the AFC North, so that means two of these teams will have players you want to draft and the other two are in Ohio. So be it, it lessens our workload. Onto the inconsequential synopsis of what all went down for your beloved rust belt teams, you can find our preview of the NFC east here.

Baltimore Ravens
Who they drafted: I absolutely loved who they took with there first pick in Michael Oher, the two time All-American offensive tackle from Ole Miss. As noted during the draft, he has an absurd survivalists background and his response when getting drafted, something along the lines of “I didn’t care when I went so long as I went” was refreshing in the ridiculously hyper-competitive atmosphere that accompanies the draft. If they had a running back who could stay healthy or a quarterback who wasn’t the luckiest first round pick on the face of the earth I would actually consider drafting one of their backfield players. But yeah, it’s still their defense. Otherwise, it was a tight end from East Carolina, a running back from Virginia and defense the rest of the way home, baby.

Prognostication: There is absolutely no way the Ravens win eleven games again next year, but if they do the offense will be the reason why. Willis McGahee should be lethal, but you have to worry about Ray Rice and Le’Ron McClain eating up carries. Which they will on a regular basis. The receiving corps. is solid and the offensive line will be too, it’s just a matter of how much faith you have in Joe Flacco, and we don’t really have any. It’s one thing to go from being a serviceable quarterback who only throws the ball fifteen times a game and doesn’t turn the ball over, too being an actual play-maker. This draft didn’t really do him any favors at the skill positions. We will say this: expect all their receivers to have improved seasons (Mason and Clayton especially).

Cincinnati Bengals

Who they drafted: A behemoth of a wobbly offensive lineman in Andre Smith, a stud linebacker who fell further than he ever had any business falling in Ray Malaluga, some other defensive players that will make an immediate impact and a couple offensive scrubs that I’ve never heard of in the later rounds.

Prognostication: All told? Not half bad for the Bengals, who should be significantly better as a team next year with Carson Palmer coming back (though I have my reservations about how effective he’ll actually be, he’s a damn sight better than Fitzgerald). But they still have Cedric Benson/Chris Perry as their running backs and they lost their best play-maker at wideout when Houshmenzadeh bolted for the pacific Northwest to play for Seattle (who I like as a psuedo-dark horse). They did replace him with Laverneus Coles though that strikes me more as Coles went there because no one else would have him. But you make of it what you will. Not to mention there is the small detail that just about any Bengals roster spot is tenuous, as the front office cut so many backroom deals to get active players out of the clink from Saturday night’s festivities. Personally, I’m probably steering clear of all Bengals unless I can get some after I’ve drafted all my starters sans kicker. It’s a bold move, I know.

Cleveland Browns
Who they drafted: The Browns traded down about four times to gain extra draft picks in the first round, by the end of the first they had ten picks for the next six rounds and somehow ended up with…eight total draft picks? I didn’t watch a millisecond of the second round on so I’m not sure how this all worked out, but with the picks they had, they managed to acquire Alex Mack, Brian Robiskie, Mohommad Massaqui and James Davis on the offensive side.

Prognostication: Well, I like how they continued to trade down…but I don’t really know what they got out of it other than a heavier wallet. I mean, reportedly Mangini is a big fan of the two defenders they got from New York for the 5th overall pick, but the value doesn’t seem that high for a quarterback that was so sought after. That said, I always like beefing up at the offensive line and since it looks like LeCharles Bentley isn’t going to pan out, they replaced him with a first rounder they obviously have a high opinion of. And while I’m not a huge Robiskie fan, they need receivers as much as anyone with their only remaining starter hating the team/city, Winslow being dealt to Tampa and Stallworth being in the clink. Massaqui is also a decent value pick in the third and I can’t believe James Davis was still available in the seventh. In all, this team is laden with players people might end up taking from free agency, because they seem deep but average at all skill positions.

Pittsburgh Steelers
Who they drafted: An offensive lineman from Wisconsin, a receiver from Ole Miss, a running back from UNLV and some scrubs in the sixth and seventh round. I’d question the first round pick of Evander Hood if it was anyone other than Pittsburgh drafting him but they kind of have a successful track record with these things, so we’ll let it slide.

Prognostication: Well, what have we come to expect from the Steelers during a football season? They’re efficient, well-managed, selfless (or as much as any professional athlete can be) and mild-mannered. The aggregate of these qualities results in several 4th-10th round picks (Ward, Miller, Washington, Holmes, Roethlisberger) and Willie Parker, who depending on his inconsistent health status might be worthy of first round pick when draft time rolls around. I don’t want to commit too staunchly to that position because there’s enough time for him to end up needing his feet amputated, but I like his potential with the slightly improved offensive line (which was probably the worst ever to win a Super Bowl). Mike Wallace will only clock minutes in garbage time and that’s assuming he makes the roster. He’s behind a lot of capable hands in the four listed above and Limas Sweed, Dallas Baker and Dennis Dixon who they might try to run at the position. Basically, nothing changed from this draft.

Back tomorrow with our assessment of….the AFC West.

So it appears that the new trend in post-draft analysis is to lament the concept of dolling out team grades immediately after the draft ends, and this is generally followed immediately with draft grades because virtually no one wants to deviate from the norm. The sad fact of the matter is, that people enjoy draft grades. It tends to validate what they think of their team’s performance or serve as a devil’s advocate. There’s nothing wrong with it. I don’t know why the concept needs to be lampooned by everyone with a public opinion when rightly or wrongly, it’s obviously what people enjoy reading. It’s opinion on the NFL, not a dissection of apartheid. It doesn’t exactly have to be sophisticated.

Never the less, we’re going to look at each team’s draft and see how their incoming crop of players who may or may not make the roster will impact the team’s offensive character. We’re going to do this by division so as to get as many posts out of this as possible. Today we’re starting with the NFC East, because it’s loaded with teams in major markets thus making it the most important of all the divisions. See, that’s my Colin Cowherd impression.

Dallas Cowboys

Who they drafted: Despite not having a pick on the first day (which only consisted of two rounds this year) due to desperately needing to acquire Roy Williams, the Cowboys had a total of twelve picks in this weekends draft, practically none of which were on offense. Well, they drafted an offensive lineman in the second round from Ball State (Muncie represent!), a quarterback who won’t even be allowed to hold the clipboard and a seventh round receiver from Oklahoma named Manuel Johnson.

Prognostication: With the Cowboys, basically you’re hoping that they weeded out some of the excessive baggage and will be able to focus primarily on what’s being produced on the field as opposed to what’s happening off of it. Maybe the Ball State lineman can help protect Romo and open up some more holes for Tashard Choice and Marion Barber, but that’s not enough incentive to draft any of these players. If you’re leaning towards the Cowboys rebounding from a disappointing 2008 campaign, draft them. If not, then don’t. It’s really quite simple. I actually think they will, but don’t let what happened in this draft influence your opinion either way, because it was pretty inconsequential from a fantasy perspective.

New York Giants

Who they drafted: For all the talk of how deep they are at running back, how confident they are in their quarterback and for having a top five offensive line, the Giants used a total of four picks addressing those three aspects of their team with William Betty (OT from UConn), Andre Brown (RB from NC State), Rhett Bomar (QB from Sam Houston) & Travis Beckum (TE from Wisconsin). Three of which were in the fourth round or before. The highlight of their draft, however, was there attempts to fill their recent void at receiver with Hakeem Nicks and Ramses Barden, shattering the record of coolest names for a drafted receiving duo in the history of receiving duos.

Prognostication: As stated before, I’m a big Hakeem Nicks fan. But when you take receiver-type into the equation, he isn’t exactly what they needed. A good chunk of their offense consisted of Eli holding to ball too long, being rushed in the backfield, flinging up a hail Mary in Burress’ general direction and hoping that he could come down with the catch or disrupt any potential interception; and I’d say about 90% of the time Burress was the target of a forty yard heave, one of these two things was the end result. Nicks, for as much as we like his potential, at 6′0 he is too short to afford them this style of offense. On the other hand, with Ramses, who stands at an intimidating 6′6, could end up being at least a supplement for Burress, if not a permanent solution.

Philadelphia Eagles

Who they drafted: Jeremy Maclin (WR), LeSean McCoy (RB), Cornelius Ingram (TE, Florida), Fenuki Tupou (OT, Oregon), Brandon Gibson (WR, Washington State) and Paul Faniaka (OG, Arizona State). In other words: as far as fantasy football is concerned, they had what I’d consider the most impacting draft.

Prognostication: Well, between the rookies they drafted and the draft picks they traded away for the offensive lineman Jason Peters from Buffalo, I think it’s safe to say there will be a lot of changes here. Philly was in a tenuous position at receiver given what was available, they also needed a possession receiver and settled for another speed demon in Jeremy Maclin, whose basically the same type of receiver as Kevin Curtis and DeSean Jackson. While I would have rather seen them trade for Boldin, this is going to offer its own style. As I said in our running diary on Saturday, when Donovan McNabb snaps the ball, it’s going to look like someone swatted a beehive with a crowbar.

I don’t know how much the rookie offensive lineman are going to play, but with the return of Shane Andrews and the acquisition of Jason Peters, the running game is going to look refined, and if Brian Westbrook limps through this season with nagging injuries like he’s done for the past three, he finally has someone to spell him in LeSean McCoy, who is more than worthy of one of your mid-round picks. Westbrook isn’t going to unnecessarily play when he sustains his obligatory leg injury that he never fully heels from, as a result I would drop him down about seven or eight spots on your draft board. And just as a kicker, they get a completely capable tight end who won two national titles at University of Florida in Cornelius Ingram, who’ll be starting by the end of the year.

Washington Redskins

Who they drafted: They only had six total picks because they traded them all away on god knows what (they offered Cleveland a couple just to stay in consideration for a trade with Sanchez is probably what it was), and with the first four they drafted defense (the first three of which were absolute studs in college). In the seventh round they took mercy on their paltry offense and took a receiver from Nevada and a tight end from Idaho.

Prognostication: Expect their offense to look considerably worse next year. If they can’t right the ship with Jason Campbell after trying to dump him twice in the past month after his career year, then you’re looking at a lineup with a mediocre line, a slightly better than serviceable and disgruntled quarterback, one of the oldest receiving corps. in the game and two running backs with little to no help around them. On the bright side, their defense should be loaded but the offense might be a turnover machine unto itself, so drop them a few spots in your rankings.

So that was productive, at least enough so that we can warrant doing the same thing for each division until next Friday (at the latest). Back tomorrow with more of the same for let’s say….the AFC North. Few things are more terrifying than appraising the value of Ohio NFL team’s draft picks.

Provided the forecast is accurate and the weather doesn’t undergo any rapid changes, we fully plan on going to the Ohio State Spring game before the draft. We probably won’t stay beyond the first half so there shouldn’t be any time constraints, but if we are tardy in our return please, by all means, entertain yourself with this. Just left click to change colors and it’s like being four years old all over again… But then you will quickly realize that you’re in your 20’s or 30’s, and then you’ll inevitably fall into a mild depression over having done nothing with your life and part of the reason is you’re playing with an interactive online toy tailor-made for people who barely know how to tie their own shoes.

On second thought, just veer away from that link altogether.

Roughly 9PM last night: So Matthew Stafford and the Lions begrudgingly come to terms on a deal with $41.7 million guaranteed. Looks like going on Jimmy Fallon’s show to fling footballs at dinner plates was the deal-breaker for the Ford family. It’s absolutely impossible to root against the Lions this season. But when the best thing anyone can think to say about the situation is “he has a 60% chance of succeeding”, I would be a little reluctant to start celebrating if I’m a Lions fan. The one thing playing in Stafford’s favor is he has Calvin Johnson to throw too, who, if nothing else, has the potential to go down in history as the best jump ball receiver of all-time. But yeah, he better pray they address the offensive line over the defense with their second first rounder, there’s a reason Dan Orlovsky was unwittingly running out the back of his own end zone.

Back around 4PM or so.

3:55- Matt Stafford thinks football is fun to play, setting the appropriate tone for the rest of the evening. Jim Schwartz doubles up on that and informs us that Stafford made it an easy decision, that’s why they waited until the night before the draft to sign him on.

3:57- To give you an idea of how little I’ve been paying attention to all this and how inconsequential my draft preview is: I just found out Jason Smith was black.

3:59- I think this montage is to give you an idea of the inflated self-importance of the NFL and ESPN. Nothing like a rap remix on a hymn so we know just how SERIOUS all of this is.

4:04- Weeee, it’s going to be so much more entertaining watching Matt Stafford get tackled behind the line of scrimmage instead of Jon Kitna. Thanks for the graduation speech, Goodell. You personality deficient overlord. Wow, it’s amazing how Mel Kiper can voice over some highlights like he’s never seen them before.

4:07- Erin Andrews and Stafford are forced to talk for the second time in five minutes, I’m pretty sure the only reason he’s tolerating it is because it’s Erin Andrews. Though she’s a gator and pales in comparison to the average girl he screws after a home win, so his poise is impressive.

4:10-The Rams are expected to take Jason Smith, just to make the move completely inconsequential for your fantasy season. Stephen Jackson will be a monster until his annual ankle injury in week 4, so Donnie Avery is what we’re looking at.

4:13- Eugene Monroe is the last remaining entity from the monster recruiting days of Al Groh at UVA, they wouldn’t go wrong with that pick either. It’s a shame they can’t take both of them to make a tangible difference.

4:14-So, the pick is in…OMGOMGOMG they took exactly who they should have and everyone said they would. Riveting! But seriously, how often does this actually happen, a team taking who they should. That’s how you get back to the mountain top in a beshitted division. Also, this will bait someone into over-drafting Stephen Jackson in fantasy, so there’s that.

4:20- I’m not going to lie, I’d be reluctant to draft any football player out of Wake Forest.

4:21- Trey Wingo wants Herm Edwards to pretend he didn’t get fired from his coaching job because Edwards would so rather be talking to some dipshit lacking awareness.

4:22- I’m watching this with two other people, and it’s impossible to listen to this analysis, which we couldn’t be more thankful for. We did catch that they had 17 rookies drafting…what exactly did they get for Jason Allen? Oh yeah, a 2-14 season.

4:25- Steve Young: screaming at the top of his lungs is a good indicator that hanging around the ESPN NFL crew can turn anyone into a functioning moron.

4:26- As surprising as it is, Tyson Jackson might be the better choice just because he went to LSU, and I’m thinking someone within the organization is an LSU alum because this is the second top five defensive lineman they’ve taken in as many years. Of course, he hasn’t really panned out, soo maybe they should have taken Curry. I don’t know, I’m a fucking idiot, why are you reading this?

4:30- Probably the smart move taking Curry, if for nothing else Seattle always seems to have a pedestrian defense and they don’t want to buck that trend. Still, it’s better than taking Sanchez, who isn’t going to turn into a good pick until the teens.

4:34- Aaron Curry, seems like a decent enough bloke, but probably isn’t the best example of what Wake Forest has to offer academically.

4:36- Mangini wants “his guys” because he’s an insufferable narcissist, but he might just happen to be a capable NFL coach. I hope at some point in the near future, Cleveland can find a Belichick disciple that suits them. But really, where do you start if you’re Cleveland? They need everything. Running back is aging (though everyone likes Harrison) they’re down to one receiver who hates the team and the city hates him. The defense is paltry. The one place they have an excess of talent is QB.

4:40- Smart, smart move by Cleveland: trade down in a weak draft. It’s not exactly rocket science.

4:42- If anyone should take Sanchez it’s New York, they have all the integral pieces needed for a rookie starter, but, you know, I just don’t think he’s going to be a good quarterback.

4:46- Someone said everyone in the NFC east has a QB except New York, and I agree with him. Everyone knows Trent Edwards is the next Joe Montana and Chad Pennington has at least ten more years under his belt.

4:48- Cleveland made the right move here, they’ll get a first round pick with about the same value as the 5th overall but will pay him a fraction of what they would have. Plus an additional second round pick that will probably be an upgrade at whatever position they draft for.

4:49- The pick is in and we’re being told to drink Coors Light, that’s my queue to grab a Bellhaven at next commercial.

4:51- Cincy takes Andre Smith, who I guess is problematic because he didn’t show up for some workout. Seems kind of overblown but Cincy taking him kind of confirms that he’s a fucking mess. Pssh, whatever, he’s a highly touted offensive lineman from the SEC, he should be a pro bowler for a decade. That is assuming he stops short of his third strike. I like how his player profile is in a baggy sweatshirt while everyone else is in a cyclist gear.

4:57- Ladies and gentleman, this years Done Whitner without the on-field success: Darrius Bey!

4:58- If we can infer anything from this, it’s that Darren McFadden’s workload just tripled.

4:59- And Michael Crabtree looks like a great pick now. The last time a team took a receiver too high because of a good forty time is Troy Williamson to Minnesota a few years ago. Ironically, he plays in Jacksonville now.

5:06-Eugene Monroe is on the phone, which means he’s the next selected. Or his girlfriend’s pregnant.

5:08- Monroe it is, making Jones-Drew even more valuable next season with no Fred Taylor. They couldn’t have gone wrong either way, but it must have been tempting to take Crabtree. Though the blinding reflection from his earrings probably makes him easier to pass on.

5:10- BJ Raji out of Boston College, the ACC is being represented well in the lottery (or would be lottery). If you watched the ACC at all this year, you would know that it makes sense that two of them have been defensive players because your average final score in the conference looks like a baseball game. Bang up job, Raiders.

5:14- Nice reporting by Erin Andrews. I’d rather be taken in the second round than have to play in Oakland and it’s important to reflect that that is the sentiment at the Crabtree pick.

5:18- You won’t believe this, but the Niners won a bunch of their meaningless remaining games at the end of the season. I think I speak for all of us when I ask if they do this every year.

5:19- This is one of those situations where there just isn’t a good pick. If they take a receiver, they have a questionable QB throwing to him, if they go defense they’re hanging the offense out to dry. Whatever, this is retribution for owning the 80’s.

5:21- Crabtree it is. Probably the best move in just taking the best on the board. At least they have plenty of sub-par QB’s to vie for the position.

5:23- The Bills are next on the board, that’s always an adventure. I wonder, who can they over-draft this year.

5:24- Michael Crabtree, ever the lovable scamp actually gives an substantive answer. Predictable? Yes. But something where he used more than a series of two syllable words.

5:25- As much as I appreciate ESPN’s efforts to spoil the announcement of every pick, I really wish they’d refrain from the cell phone shots.

5:27- Maybin is apparently the samurai from Necessary Roughness. Good pick, I reckon. You’d be hard-pressed to better out of the Big Ten this year.

5:28- Wow, that was only a mild patronizing answer from Steve Young about Maybin in Buffalo.

5:31- Denver is pretty much the same situation as San Fran, and naturally the second Mike Shannahan is out the door, they take a running back too high.

5:34- Brian Orakpo going to Washington. If I had to take a defensive end this season, this is who I would take. He made that entire defense at Texas look about four times better than they actually were (note: they still weren’t that good).

5:36- It’s nice to see Donald Brown is doing pretty much what I am: Sitting on the couch and overreacting to everything that happens. The difference being I’m with a couple people and he’s by himself. Well, he has a camera on him. I didn’t know who he was until just now (one of the benefits of playing at Uconn), but I want the Eagles to draft him now. I like the low maintenance.

5:40- New Orleans taking Malcolm Jenkins immediately makes them a team whose bandwagon I am hopping on. Between him and Will Smith, they have two of the more impressive former Buckeyes in the past twenty years. I’m that easy.

5:49- I would have gone with Malaluga, if for no other reason than seeing that Erin Andrews interview. Why do I want to see that, you ask? Well, this might have something to do with it (sorry, our fourth branch of Government that ESPN serves used their power to get it deleted from the internet).

5:51- Houston, also known as the San Fran of the AFC, is going to make the playoffs last year because they went 8-8 last year.

5:52- Larry English out of Northern Illinois goes to San Diego. Kind of an odd decision for a team loaded at the linebacker position, though Chris Berman inarticulately expressed otherwise in regards to Shawne Merriman. But Mel Kiper thinks it makes sense, so it isn’t something you can argue with. You’re not allowed.

5:55- Will Cleveland take the hometown kid? How much does Mangini want to upset the overly sensitive Cleveland fanbase. Seriously, that stadium after a home loss is like trying to console a girlfriend whose dad just died. What I’m trying to say is, they might take it a little too hard.

5:58- Trading down again, I love it. Should be another second round pick and two spots down in the first. Stockpiling for a team that didn’t have a good starting point is about the best they could do….OK, a sixth round pick for Tampa to advance two spots. Who are they eying for the 6th fucking round? Whatever, he’ll probably start the second half of next season.

6:01- Tampa taking Josh Freeman. I have to tell you, I like this move for Tampa. They are getting a raw talent at a relatively low price, with a huge arm and mobility. Also, with a decent receiving corps. and an endless line of running backs, it’s about the best situation he could realistically go to. Did I mention they got him for a low price? What would you rather have, Mark Sanchez at $60 million or Freeman for a small fraction of that?

6:06- Robert Ayers out of Tennessee goes to Denver. Ugh, only seven sacks in the SEC. That’s like two in the Pac-10. I’d be going to with a multi-threat like Malaluga, who can tackle, pass cover and play the running lanes. They need a five tool player to avoid being Detroit Lioned this season.

6:08- Cleveland on the clock. Again. So, do they take Chris Wells, Ray Malaluga, an offensive lineman or a local boy? Or do they trade down for an extra seventh rounder? The Suspense is killing me. Are they eventually going to trade themselves out of this week fucking draft completely, and just double up for 2010? I’d love to see that.

6:11- Did Steve Young and Keyshawn Johnson just have a heated argument when they were arguing the same point? I think they did.

6:13- CANNNNN YOUUUU DIGGGGG ITTTTTT! Finally, we draft a wide receiver in the first round, and an efficient and versatile one. We’re a bit undersized between Jackson, Curtis and Maclin, they’re going to look like someone swatted a beehive with a baseball out there.

6:16- You’re not going to believe this, but Keyshawn thinks the Eagles should have taken a sizable, possession receiver. He’s right, but even if he wasn’t that would still be his protestation.

6:18- Alright, I’ve calmed down, Keyshawn has all but admitted he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Obviously Philly has their reasons for not trading for Boldin, I can’t fathom what they’d be…but they improved at the position where they were weaker.

6:20- Hmm, questionable pick by Detroit, but he can block as well as he can receive. And if nothing else, they got the best player at the position that was available this year with the 20th overall.

6:21- Cleveland on the clock. Again. I thought they might be angling to get Pettigrew, if that was the case then, well, tough titties Mangini. Guess sometimes it works in your favor to not trade down three times.

6:24- Going from 5 to 10 picks is impressive. At this rate they’re going to have 240 picks by the end of the 2009 draft.

6:26- Still, after trading down from the 5th to the 22nd pick, Alex Mack might upset some people. It’s a smart move beefing up the line, but is anyone feeling like a Cal lineman is satisfactory? Just based on hearing his story, I’d rather have Michael Oher if I’m a Cleveland fan. Which I’m not, thank God I’m not.

6:28- It’s a good thing Minnesota is filling that void left by Troy Williamson, that’s usually takes years to recover from. Seriously, I understand though, it takes drastic measures to appease the likes of Sage Rosenfels (I know I spelled that shit wrong).

6:31- Alright, on second thought, Minnesota doesn’t have many holes to fill (other than QB), and they could use an upgrade at receiver. I take back half my flippancy. But only half, you should have traded down.

6:38- Good pick by Baltimore, give your overrated QB some protection, open up some holes for your overrated running back and ride out your aging defense until they’re all in wheelchairs.

6:41- The Greg Oden of the NFL draft in terms of humility, I think Baltimore is feeling satisfied with the pick.

6:43- Two Rebels taken in a row, I guess them flattening Texas Tech in the bowl game makes sense now.

6:47- Vontae Davis out of Illinois going to Miami. Man, what a change of scenery. I give it about six months before he’s caught in a hotel room with three hookers and an eight ball.

6:51-Breaking news: New England is looking to drop out of the first round. It’s hard to tell Eric Mangini won three Super Bowls in there.

6:55- Green Bay takes…A miscellaneous USC defender. Is it just me or is there an abundance of white defensive players going early this year? Not that it matters, but we’ve seen more biker haircuts than semi-shaved heads and it’s unsettling.

7:00- What the hell was that?

7:02- Is Indy taking Donald Brown over Chris Wells? Well I’ll be. He looked a lot more badass sitting by himself than he did with his parents. It looks like he lives in Matt Saracen’s grandmother’s house. And really, are we down on Joseph Addai right already? Is that the career span now for running backs before they cut you like a dog? Three years? Whatever, I wouldn’t touch either of them in fantasy.

7:04- Did Buffalo need help with offensive line? I guess after the trade with Philly they did, but this seems like a team that’s destined for mediocrity. Who stands out on their roster? Yeah, I don’t know either.

7:06- Giants on the clock. They have a void that needs filled, but I can’t recall what it is. Was it discussed in the news? I seem to remember hearing something about their corner backs. I guess we’ll see.

7:10- New York does the logical thing and takes the best player at the position they’re desperate at in Hakeem Nicks. I’ve mentioned my proclivity for him earlier, but he’s a little short for what they need. Have of their offense was after Eli Manning held onto the ball for too long, he would loft up a hail Mary for 35+ yards and 30% time it would work. Still, they could have done a lot worse.

7:14- Tennessee on the clock, and what kind of odds are we giving them to make the playoffs? 10-1? A small market team with a 40 year-old quarterback who just lost (arguably) the best defensive player in the league last year. All six teams aren’t returning, they’re probably the least likely to return.

7:16- Tennessee, if you do not intend on trading Chris Wells, then just don’t draft him. You’re one of like five teams in the NFL that doesn’t need another running back. Find a defensive presence and move on.

7:19- Kenny Britt, for some reason when I look at this guy I see Reggie Brown. Still, it makes more sense for them than another running back, though I doubt LenDale White averaged more than 35 ypg last season. When he did break that, the bench broke out the oxygen mask. Because he’s fat, you see.

7:24- Chris Wells going to Arizona, seems like a good fit for all around. Is this first round about over? I’e anticipated seeing where he’s going to go and it took so long that I eventually lost interest.

7:27- I like it, Arizona just took a lot of pressure off their 40 year-old quarterback, and now they can keep defenses honest. Deadly. The Arizona Cardinals are deadly. It’s eighty degrees out, but I’m pretty sure it’s about to start snowing.

7:32- Alright, one more pick and we can get the fuck out of here. And its…Ziggy Hood. Damn right. I think. I wouldn’t put to much stock into someone whose name could be identical to the team mascot.

There it is, your first round of the 2009 NFL draft. Riveting. Back next week for something a little more faux-insightful. That’s what we do best around here.

We’re going to keep our explanations a little shorter today. Mainly because we have so many more players in this portion of our draft preview than the first two (here and here), but also because we’re exceedingly lazy and want to enjoy the weekend. Not spend it sitting in front of our computer delving into superfluous opinions about unknown football players. It’s crazy, right?

It also warrants mentioning that we expanded our criteria for this section of our preview to include guys who could develop into formidable presence not just sometime this season, but also in seasons to come. If for nothing else than so this feels slightly comprehensive. Anyhow, for a myriad of reasons we have high hopes for the following dark horses.

Josh Freeman
Everyone outside of the state of Kansas is down on his pro prospects, but I really don’t understand why. He played at Kansas State during the worst era since Bill Snyder took over with little to no talent around him and made them…I can’t really say competitive but they weren’t a laughing stock. Did you happen to see what Washington did this year after losing Jay Locker? That’s what K-State would be without Josh Freeman. Plus, if you’re Detroit or some other team not fully loaded at the O-line, this guy can avoid being flattened because he isn’t like Jaba The Hut in the pocket. For your money, I feel like this is the much safer option of the three first round prospects at the QB. He’s not going to make the pro-bowl in his rookie year or anything, but by season’s end or sometime in the 2010 season, I think you’re going to see Freeman surprise the seemingly endless stream of naysayers.

Knowshon Moreno
He was really supposed to go in our first post, but I can’t project him to be a bust. Much like Wells, he occasionally has durability problems, but remember that last year he was running behind a depleted offensive line in the best conference in football. If your team needs a running back, feel fortunate if they take Moreno because you just got a more talented Brian Westbrook.

Hakeem Nicks
Very unknown prospect out of North Carolina that’s a projected first round pick. In short, I like him more than any other option at receiver out there. I was tempted to put him in the first post we did commemorating the draft, but he’s kind of undersized at only 6-1 (though he is 215 pounds), so I imagine he will be a bit of a project. If you have no idea who I’m talking about, here’s a highlight reel for your enlightenment. Let me just say that as an Eagles fan, if they aren’t going to trade for Boldin or re-up at running back, I would be more than happy for them to take another diminutive receiver.

Shonn Greene
This kid is a fucking load. Anyone that likes to run two or three deep at running back would be wise to acquire the ex-Hawkeye. Just look at the stats he put up in a bruising conference with a shitty quarterback. This Doak Walker award winner is poised to be this year’s Laurence Maroney or Steve Slaton for NFL fans who become embittered at the notion of college football (read: ingrates in large markets like Boston, Chicago & New York, for example). Where, where’d this guy come from? Was he on the roster last week? We got him in the third round?! What a steal, man. Not for nothing, but he’s also two years older than most of the players coming into the league and will have a higher football IQ, if that counts for anything at running back, which we think it does.

CJ Gable
Lost in the sea of running backs, highlighted by Josh McKnight was CJ Gable, a playmaker with vast potential to improve his team, though his team didn’t need him. I’ll never understand why all these guys flock to USC to sit on the bench for the majority of their careers. Sure, you don’t want to be the go-to guy a la James Davis for four, but at the same time you want to reap a little glory on the field. If living in SoCal takes precedent, just go to UCLA. And if it is women you’re looking for (not only is UCLA better for that) you have the Southeastern Conference, ASU and Austin, TX for that (among others). I guess the best thing you can say about him is you never heard him complain about PT. Anyhow, we have no idea what he is capable of, other than he’s a world class athlete. And world class athletes tend to do well in the NFL.

Derrick Williams
Kind of questionable with this one, but we liked the potential he showed in his freshman season before his knee injury, and to be perfectly honest Penn State hasn’t had a legitimate passing threat at quarterback since Kerry Collins left town. He’ll probably ride the pine all season but keep an eye out for who drafts him and what happens with them throughout the season. It might not be the worst move to use a bench spot on him around week eleven or twelve, depending on where he lands.

Javon Ringer
Much like Shonn Greene, he produced huge numbers on a team lacking in respectable quarterback play (Note: if your team drafts Brian Hoyer, it is time to disown them). But unlike Shonn Greene, he did it for two years with both rushing and receiving. Although that counts for him as much as it does against him. For one, you know he’s not a fluke and he has more reps, but then again the more carries you have in college the less likely you are to hold up through an NFL season, much less a career (See: Benson, Cedric).

James Davis
I get the impression that had this kid been allowed to come out after his freshman season he would have been a lottery pick. Now, after three disappointing seasons later and a plummeted stock, we’re looking at early second day status for James. He can still be effective, but over 750 carries in four seasons is more than most running backs endure. This first season, should he get on the field will be a litmus test for how many years he’ll hold up. We’re going to say…two.

John Parker Wilson
Quarterbacks are primary the reason we had to change our standards for this list. Because we don’t think Wilson is going to light up the stat sheet in his rookie season, nor do we think he’s the second coming of John Elway. But above all else he showed poise, arm strength and leadership at Alabama. Occasionally, that translates into the makings of a solidified NFL quarterback. One thing that does concern us is he had Julio Jones to throw to and he only amassed nine touchdowns and some rather paltry numbers…lets just move on.

Willie Tuitama
On the other end of the coin is Willie Tuitama, who produced some gawdy numbers in Tuscon but did it against marginal talent. We’re not going to lie, we didn’t watch him play much, but U of A hasn’t been a force since the mid-90’s and he’s been integral in making them respectable, if still pitiable.

Patrick Turner
See: CJ Gable, and replace every noun, verb or adjective that alludes to rushing and replace it with one that references receiving.

Demetrius Byrd
His numbers leave something to be desired but it is imperative you remember he had a transfer from Harvard throwing to him for his senior season. Yeah, that Harvard. In the SEC. Let’s just say that he couldn’t veil his physical shortcomings with his brilliance. Anyways, I put Byrd on here because LSU receivers seem to be experiencing some success lately in the NFL. Plus he’s 6-3, 200 lbs. and has a badass name, which I’m pretty sure is a prerequisite to get on a field of play for LSU.

Alright, we just noticed that the draft isn’t starting until 4PM tomorrow due to all the complaining over it starting at noon. Oh, what’s that? No one was complaining about an earlier start time? Well then, I have no fucking idea why they adjusted it, but it gives us a chance to get back from the OSU spring game before Detroit makes their first selection. So under these very precarious conditions, we’re grateful. I guess.

Until then, play safe and I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon.

Before we get to the second part of our three-part draft preview, I think it’s imperative that we be the fourth entity to bring you the news that Tony Gonzalez is being traded to the Atlanta Falcons for a second round draft pick in 2010. In other words, the Falcons are getting an inarguable top five tight end (and some would say top three) in the league for a pick in next year’s draft. If you look at the upcoming NFL season and the continually depleting rosters in the NFC, Atlanta is starting to look more and more appealing at 20/1 odds to win the Super Bowl.

Also, some bad news for Carolina fans, Jake Delhomme has been resigned to a four year extension, presumably to take your chances of making it to the Super Bowl in 2010. Luckily, this is the NFL and ownership doesn’t have to honor their contracts. Phew, Bullet: dodged.

Following up on our favorite picks for immediate impact fantasy rookies in 2009, we bring you several players we’d advise veering away from. It isn’t that these players are hopeless, just that all things being equal, they have so many question marks around them either on or off the field, that it is difficult to be overly confident in their performance. We don’t have many of these because we aren’t keen on shitting all over some kids before they even play a down, but for varying reasons we’d advise looking for greener pastures. Just like yesterday this is all pending on who drafts them, but we have to write something, and listed speculation is easier than paragraph form speculation. I mean, better. It’s better than paragraph form speculation.

Marc Sanchez
Has there been a player that has skyrocketed quicker and higher in draft stock simply by default than Mark Sanchez? I saw him play live in SoCal for the Ohio State game, and while he looked impressive then and against Penn State he was decidedly mediocre the rest of the season. Sure, he could be Carson Palmer. But he could also be Matt Leinart of John David Booty, the latter of which he couldn’t even beat out of the starting position in 2008. So, congrats on beating up on an weary and banged up OSU team and an under-tooled and overrated Penn State team, but we still have our doubts that you warrant all this attention. If I’m Washington, I’m giving Jason Campbell one more year and waiting for something better to come along, and if I’m the Jets I’m waiting to see if Josh Freeman is available with my mid-first rounder or taking a chance with another 2nd or 3rd rounder, and banking on the fact that Clemens might look a little better now that the line has some reps under its belt.

Michael Crabtree
Man, I heard an interview on Scott Van Pelt’s radio show earlier this week and it’s impossible to not root for this kid if you don’t root for UT. He’s college football’s version of JT from the current season of Survivor. But that knee injury he sustained playing fucking Baylor is known to be career ending, not to mention he played in the Big twelve, inarguably the worst defensive conference in the country and in a system offense that caters to the passing game (roughly 75% of their offensive plays were through the air). If the argument against every single Texas Tech quarterback is that they play under a favorable and misleading offensive system, we don’t know why this doesn’t apply to receivers as well. Needless to say, as entertaining as he was too watch during the 2008 college football season, we have our doubts as to whether or not he will pan out as an efficient pro. Cleveland fans should be ecstatic that they’ve already said they aren’t drafting him.

Percy Harvin
And it’s not even the failed marijuana test. Well, that’s not helping. But it’s just the cloud of negativity that seems to surround this kid. He’s undersized, he’s injury prone, he doesn’t get along with his teammates, and now he has failed a drug test. Personally, and I really doubt I’m alone in these sentiments, I could give a shit that he smokes weed. In fact I even encourage it, assuming it serves as a stress reliever. It’s that he knew it was coming, got stoned and failed to beat the drug test. Now, this either wreaks of arrogance or sheer idiocy. The latter would imply that he smoked, knew he would get caught and was indifferent to the potential consequences because he figured there wouldn’t be any. The former implies that he smoked, and either failed to mask his indiscretion properly or simply failed to remember the pending drug test. Admittedly I felt differently about him in January, but whatever the reason for him failing that drug test, it isn’t particularly flattering.

Brian Robiskie
This just comes from personal experience. We’ve been to roughly…five OSU games on average since Robiskie started getting regular playing time. And to say he lacks quickness is to say Peyton Manning lacks mobility. He has no breakaway speed, is seemingly incapable of bailing out his quarterback and lacks a penchant for inspired play. Not once did he make a play in a close game or when they were facing a considerable deficit. In short, when the best thing you can say about a receiver is that he’s bigger than average, it isn’t an encouraging sign. That isn’t all necessarily his fault, but it’s enough of one for me to avoid taking him on the first day. My guess is he won’t see any playing time this season, so you won’t have to worry about him from a fantasy perspective.

Pat White
Not that he’s highly touted or anything and he did have a superb college career (would have played in a national title game in 2007 if he didn’t leave halfway through the last game of the season), but any quarterback that relied that heavily in college on the running game isn’t going to amount to much in the NFL. The best precedent for this is Kordell Stewart, but the more likely outcome is someone along the lines of Michael Robinson (San Fransisco) or Brad Smith (NY Jets). Not they’re completely responsible (or, at all), but neither of those teams made the playoffs.

Rhett Bomar
Long story short: If you play at Sam Houston State and are the fifth rated quarterback by Mel Kiper, you’re going to make a list like this one.

Chase Daniel/Graham Harrell
For the same reason we’re not particularly fond of Mr. Crabtree, but to an even more confident extent. Both of these guys are under-sized and ill-equipped to adapt to the NFL. We’d have more confidence in Chase Daniel, and Drew Brees would be the reason for that. But Brees was an almost unflappable quarterback at Purdue and lacked an offensive weapon like Jeremy Maclin. We’re rooting for both of them just because everyone seems almost gleeful that they won’t measure up to the pros like they did the college ranks, but we’re just as pessimistic as everyone is hostile.

Alright, our late bloomers coming tomorrow, we’re still deliberating live-blogging the first couple rounds of the NFL draft, we’ll let you know tomorrow.

As we’ve stated a number of times but have failed to follow through on, we have every intention of doing an extensive NFL draft preview from a fantasy football perspective. This seemed like a great idea until it dawned on us, there isn’t anything particularly interesting about this draft other than how underwhelming all the prospective picks appear to be (especially at the skill positions). So we put a halt to our detailed rundown of everyone available in favor of a three day, three post preview: Players who are most likely to impact the 2009-2010 season, players to stay away from and players who could be late bloomers.

In other words, we’ll do a post for running backs, quarterbacks and then receivers respectively. Or at least that’s how we anticipate this panning out. We haven’t looked into any of it up until this point, but for the sake of professionalism we’ll try to read a draft preview from someone who actually gives a shit about any of this. So, without further ado, here’s your 2009 NFL draft fantasy football preview. As I see it, there are about five players that, depending on where they land*, have an opportunity to have a significant positive impact for their new teams this season. We actually did this a few months ago out of desperation for something to write about, but we’ve made a few omissions and additions based on information that has recently surfaced. Here they are in no particular order.

*This is a caveat for everything we’ve just written and are about to write over the next couple of days, and why we decided against getting too crazy with our preview, considering we’re speculating on how someone will produce statistically two drafts from now (the one on Sunday and yours in August).

Jason Smith
Obviously I didn’t watch much Baylor football this year, because I live in Ohio and if I wanted to pollute my field of vision there are plenty of MAC teams available that I don’t need ESPN Gameplan for. But this kid, much like Joe Thomas, Jake Long, D’Brickshaw Ferguson and countless others before them, Jason Smith is going to make an immediate impact. If I were the Lions I wouldn’t hesitate drafting him over Matthew Stafford, who the Lions seem to have enough questions about since they haven’t offered him a contract yet. If Smith is taken by the Lions, Calvin Johnson will be the most impacted by it, just like the receivers and running backs for any team that were to take Smith. Immediately move Johnson or any stud receiver that happens to be on the team that drafts Smith up ten spots in your rankings if this is too happen…

Matthew Stafford
…All that said, regardless of where Matthew Stafford lands, he’ll probably start immediately and be a significant improvement over his predecessor. I’m not proclaiming a Matt Ryan like rookie season, but he’s of sound character, has a strong arm and will almost undoubtedly be a deep-ball passer before anything else. Right now if I were the Lions, I would take Smith over Stafford because the Lions line is terrible, and Stafford is basically stationary (They would be better off taking Smith with the first pick, then hoping Freeman falls to their second first round pick or gambling in a later round with a quarterback). Whereas with Freeman you get a little more mobility for a team whose line is still going to be fairly Green even with Smith, and you’re investing less money in a smaller gamble.

Chris Wells
For the first time since he arrived on a national stage, Chris Wells looks healthy and brimming with optimism. If you listen to any draft analysis –which God knows there is plenty of — the rap on him is always that he’s one of the three most talented players in the draft but also injury prone; and he doesn’t respond well to the injuries. There is some truth to that, but he’s the type of player that went to college because the NFL basically forces you too. He knew he was lottery bound from the second he stepped on the field in Massilon, OH. And since the team around him could never seem to execute when it mattered, as much as it pains me to say, I can understand him screwing the pooch (intentionally or unintentionally) in some cases and using his nagging injuries as an excuse. But still, look at footage of him in the 2008 Sugar Bowl, does that look like someone who’s incapable of performing? Oh, and do you know who else was generally lauded as uber-talented but prone to injury coming out of college? Adrian Peterson. As we all know, the Vikings are really regretting that pick.

Jeremy Maclin
The lone receiver on this list. He’s healthy, he’s big and he’s fucking fast, so why isn’t he as highly touted as Michael Crabtree, who’s coming off a horrendous knee injury? If you’ve watched a Missouri play a football game in the past two seasons, and there’s a very good chance that you haven’t, you would know what I am referring too. Of course, he played at Missouri, which means he played in the Big twelve and generally had superior talent around him. That could be skewing my perception of Maclin, akin to that of every skill player to come out of USC in the past seven or eight years, but I think he will live up to the lottery status.

LeSean McCoy
The running back out of Pittsburgh, he’s the right mix of speed and durability that seems to be all the rage with NFL running backs these days (Maurice Jones-Drew, DeAngelo Williams, etc.). Now, he’s coming from Pittsburgh, who plays in the big east, and the entire conference was pretty underwhelming. But his running style tends to translate well at any level of play. And besides, he’s a running back. If he can stay healthy he’ll play long enough for anyone to even remember he played for Pitt. Just ask any casual observer of the NFL if they know where Larry Fitzgerald played his college ball at.

Five players you want your NFL and fantasy teams to steer clear of tomorrow.

A lot going on in the past few days that we’ve neglected to write about: NFL schedules being announced (Note: we like Adrian Peterson this year), John Madden just recently retired (we understand he’s something of an icon to your NFL loyalist, but it’s time for some new blood) and a bunch of people resigned with their current teams that shouldn’t really have any impact on the upcoming season that it didn’t have on the last (Jones-Drew & Harrison most notably).

Again, none of this is really relevant to anything regarding fantasy football, but it’s still news we could have at least commented on, because this site is so current and encompassing. But finally, we have a smidgen of news that might actually have a tangible effect on your 2009 season: Anquan Boldin is now officially on the trading block. I’m not sure what the big deal is, wasn’t he on the trading block about three months ago? Whatever. But the three main contenders come from all statures, proving that a star receiver is valuable regardless of current standing: The Browns, The Giants and The Eagles.

Or these are the three teams who seem to have surfaced, at least. He’ll probably end up playing for the Dolphins or something. But of the three the Giants are the team that not only need him the most, but the team he could improve the most, despite the fact they went 13-3 last season and won the Superbowl the year before it. Personally, though, I don’t see it happening. The Giants have little to offer in the way of draft picks (fairly low), there defense is stretched too thin, and they have no viable quarterback that they will be willing to trade that the Cardinals would probably put some value in. All they have to offer is running backs, and even then it’s only Bradshaw, who the Cardinals probably feel they can draft better than, much less give up a top five receiver for.

The Browns, on the other hand, have already thrown it out there that they would love for someone to take Braylon Edwards off their hands. Which seems insane to me, since they traded away the most talented tight-end in the league, their second wideout is facing a DUI manslaughter charge, and they’re starting a brand new quarterback who no one in the organization seems to like. I mean, right now if you’re a Browns fan, you have to be wondering if they’re cleaning house or sabotaging the team from the top down.

Bringing in Boldin would be a step in the right direction. Unload some draft picks in a weak draft, maybe throw them a bone with a utility receiver, keep Edwards, and you have a top three receiving corps. for the next five years. I know much of the Cleveland faithful want Edwards gone because he does have a penchant for dropping passes at costly points in the game, but he has top-five pure, god-given talent (behind Moss, Fitzgerald, Calvin & Andre Johnson). You don’t mortgage that because he played college ball in Ann Arbor (which I think has a lot to do with the antipathy for him). In short, I don’t see Cleveland pulling the trigger because off all this talk about Eric Mangini wanting to bring in “his own guys”.

What kind of narcissistic bullshit is that? “Whatever success I may experience, I can’t have any of the credit going to my predecessor who is also presumably my friend as we were coordinators together for one of the greatest franchise runs of all time.” Honestly, I defended the Mangini hiring and condemned his firing at the time, but he does seem like a bit of an asshole. The good news for Cleveland is, assholes tend to thrive in the NFL, especially at the coaching position.

Or maybe bringing in a free agent is considered “his own guy” because he was brought in under his clock, I don’t know. But what I do know is that Philly, all things considered, is the best and most likely fit of the three teams. For starters, they have multiple first round picks, meaning they could offer a first and a third (the same thing the Cowboys gave up for Roy Williams, which kind of set the market value for standout receivers) and not sacrifice an entire draft for the benefit of one offensive weapon.

The only setback would be if the Eagles haven’t recovered from their Terrell Owens hangover, which has prevented them from acquiring and hanging onto a legitimate first option at the wideout position. I can understand the trepidation, Anquan Boldin could have represented himself better in the playoffs, but I can also assure you that they are not making the playoffs without Boldin, even in the weak, weak NFC West.

That said, I think one aspect of this trade all three of those teams might want to take note of: Anquan Boldin does not operate well in cold weather. He’s not Kurt Warner bad, but he’s not Larry Fitzgerald good, either. Boldin played at Florida State, and went straight from their to the desert, playing at Sun Devil Stadium (which has to have the highest average temperature of any college stadium in the country) and later in a fucking dome at University of Phoenix. If you recall the Thanksgiving game, which was blistering cold in Philly, he dropped numerous passes and played a large hand in costing his team the game. If any of these teams are going to consider a move with this many potential consequences, they might want to make sure games like that are anomalies and don’t speak to a pattern of ineptitude.

If I am the Titans, however, I get the Bidwell’s on the phone post-haste.

So I said I would post about Jay Cutler once he was eventually traded, little did I know that would happen eighteen hours after I stated the fact. I thought it would be drawn out and met at its inevitable conclusion in which the Broncos get back about five cents on the dollar. But no, about twenty years after the fact it finally dawned on Chicago just how dire their quarterback situation is, and they trade away two first rounders, their current starting quarterback and some additional draft picks for an upgrade at QB. At least the “saga” is over.

Really, and I know it’s a cardinal sin to trade away draft picks in the NFL, this is the right move for them. They have an aging defense that rebounded in 2008 (they had an off-season in 2007), a respected and underrated line, and a top-tier running back. Everyone of these facets is older than they should be, and the argument for them is the same for the Vikings: If they just acquired a serviceable quarterback they could contend for a Super Bowl. Well, they not only got a serviceable quarterback, they got a top five quarterback behind Brady, Manning, Brees & Roethlisberger. And even beyond the short term, he’s probably a better asset than any of those five because he has comparatively so few miles under his belt.

Denver probably got all they could out of the ordeal as well, given the circumstances. If that new coach (their first new coach in a couple decades) and Cutler couldn’t get along, then reload everywhere else but receiver (they need it) and hope to make a turnaround by the end of the decade with a young, competitive team. In other words, you’d ultimately rather have Cutler than the draft picks (much like Chicago would), but the alternative wasn’t nearly as bad as one would have thought.

That isn’t to say there isn’t a downside for both franchises. Chicago, for instance, is out two first round picks in 2009 and 2010. We’ve already established that this team is getting old by NFL standards, and the difference that those two draft picks would have made (probably on the defensive side of the ball) will be palpable. The NFL is about reload and replenish, and obviously the first round of the NFL draft is the best place to do this in.

Not to mention, who exactly is Cutler going to be throwing the ball to next season? Devin Hester is a phenomenal athlete, but he wasn’t an “every down” receiver until last year (and that dates back to college). Needless to say, and you can blame it on the mediocre quarterback play if you want, but he left a lot to be desired. I think for Cutler, throwing to Brandom Stokley, Brandon Marshall and Eddie Royale is going to feel like it was a decade ago.

That said, I would dismiss all the hullabaloo about him only being 17-20 as a starter. I mean, did you see that defense last year? It is, unequivocally, the worst defense that has ever contended to make the playoffs. That includes any Bengals or Rams defense of the past decade. Yeah, that bad. It might have only been the second worst in the league, but it just so happened to exist in the same season as the first ever 0-16 team in history. There’s a feather in their cap, I guess. Oh, and last year was the first Shannahan team in recent history to fail too produce a 1,000 yard running back. Whether it was the backs or the line (note: It was both), Cutler’s team’s record is going to suffer as a result.

Denver, for all the reasons just stated, has their own host of concerns that should take a lot more than a few extra draft picks to compensate for, especially since they just offered up their best player at the most crucial position after a fallout in the front office. Man, what a bunch of children. There should really be some sort of law against acting this petulant if you’re as rich as everyone at the proverbial bargaining table.

Anyhow, it’s going to be interesting to see how this all pans out. It’s a rare occurrence for a pro-bowl caliber quarterback to switch teams just as he’s entering the prime of his career. Because, you know, such a thing is ofttimes regarded as a commodity worth holding onto. Either way, I’ll be on the edge of my seat waiting to see how this effects my fantasy weeks.

Back later this week with something draft related.

The NFL is currently experiencing one of its more bizarre off-seasons in recent memory, and I for one couldn’t be more thrilled. Sure, we’re in the middle of the NCAA tournament, NBA playoffs are a couple weeks from starting up and (God help me) baseball is a week or two from opening day. But who wants to hear about that nonsense when there’s constant updates of Jay Cutler’s cell phone activity, or if Plaxico Burress can circumvent doing any jail time, or if Dante Stallworth will be charged for drunkenly steamrolling some poor sap in Miami, or who’s being murdered in the condos of Saints players? Jesus, this off-season makes The Sopranos first season feel uneventful.

This is essentially why we do not like the NFL, everyone who supports it is under the impression that everyone is interested in the most loosely related story-lines to the league. And we’re not. If you tell a diehard NFL fan you’re somewhat impartial towards the draft, they look at you like you were riding a Triceratops. Really, guys, it’s not that interesting. I mean, I generally watch it and it can be interesting at times, so at the very least I keep it on in the background. It doesn’t hurt that Goodell shortened the amount of time between first round picks, which is the best decision he’s made since succeeding Taglibue and as fas as we’re concerned, it will end up being his legacy. But I can understand why someone would find it incessantly dull, and why they assume those of us who enjoy it to be borderline sycophantic.

But most sane people enjoy it only on draft day. I can’t really regard anyone as mentally healthy if they enjoy watching and listening to workout analysis in February and March. You’re basically the fan equivalent of a functioning alcoholic if you do. The only way it could be more monotonous and creepy is if they were “evaluating” players coming out of high school instead of college. No, we’ll have something substantive to say when Cutler is eventually traded or what the pending sentences mean for teams in the draft and their current roster. But right now we’re more than happy to wait a couple more weeks before having anything to say about it.

If you want a prediction from us, an unfounded, random and completely speculative prediction about Jay Cutler, we tend to think he is going to end up playing in Detroit, whose going to offer up their first round pick for him. Denver wants a quarterback, reports are the Detroit isn’t exactly elated with the idea of taking Matthew Stafford first overall and no one is going to swap positions with them, so Detroit might as well roll the dice and get a still young quarterback to be their centerpiece.

But again, this isn’t founded on anything more than our understanding of how everything should work, not on how everything necessarily does. I feel like if that trade was ever going to happen it would have happened by now, and we’re never right about these things anyways. So if you don’t mind, we’re going to go back to watching basketball for the next few weeks. Thanks.