Fantasy Football

So, absolutely nothing has happened via free agency/trades since Terrell Owens went to the Bills, and thank God for that. We wouldn’t want to be inundated with writing material in the off-season. This isn’t baseball, and we’re actually quite thankful for that. People like the NFL so much more than the MLB so I imagine the NFL equivalent of an A-Rod does steroids just might collapse the stock market. I can only listen to Mel Kiper rail on incessantly and humorlessly for so long.

But to prevent this from becoming JayCutlersembitteredstateofmind.com, we’ve refrained from posting. We have a month and a half before the draft starts, and while we’ve done a couple posts about it, it really isn’t interesting enough to endlessly speculate about. Especially from a fantasy perspective. But we can ignore him and his plight no longer. Despite our earlier proclamations that we do not like talking about talk, it seems inevitable that he’s leaving Denver because that organization is like a lost puppy without Mike Shanahan around.

This kid is causing way too much commotion.

Naturally there are a bevy of teams that are interested. Here are a few that could use his services and some that are seeking him out but we believe mistakenly doing so.

Minnesota Vikings: No receivers, but that’s the only downside. A loaded running back corps (something he never even sniffed in Denver), a beastly offensive line (ditto) and a defense that has top five personnel in the league. Basically, to be a viable Super Bowl contender next season, he just needs to refrain from turning the ball over. For all the discussion right now about how he “hasn’t won anything”, I think that most can agree he is capable of limiting his interceptions.

New York Jets: I have no idea what to make of their new coach, unlike the Vikings they have at best an average running back tandem in Leon Washington and with Laverneus Coles gone, a stellar receiving corps in Jerricho Cotchery, Dustin Keller and Chansi Stuckey. Still, this is a team that while it’s history is underrated (I can probably name ten franchises off the top of my head who have been worse off this decade), they don’t seem to be heading in a positive direction. If I’m Jay Cutler and I’m not an attention whore (which it really seems like he could be), this is at the bottom of my potential destinations list.

Cleveland Browns: This certainly seems a likely destination and I can understand why the Broncos would pursue it (they have expendable quarterbacks that have shown promise and might enable Denver to exercise some damage control), but what would the Browns have to be thinking? I’ve always defended the Brady Quinn draft pick and he has definitely shown some potential, but do they not like this guy? If they do then what exactly are they waiting for? I think what the Browns need to do is bring in another former Patriots coordinator to evaluate him, then determine he needs a third year “learning the system”. But yeah, if I’m Cutler and I don’t mind playing in one of America’s several decaying east coast cities, Cleveland has a lot of talent already on the offensive side of the ball, outside of Minnesota I don’t think he can find a better team.

Cincinnati Bengals: This is NFL purgatory and anyone who would want to stay with the Bengals grew up in Cincy, went to UC for college and was drafted by them outright. In other words, he’s never lived anywhere else and doesn’t care too. Some Bengals faithful might still be relying on Palmer, and think there are more pertinent issues to address, and they wouldn’t be incorrect. And the only way I could justify this trade is an even swap of Palmer for Cutler. Not sure if the Broncos would go for that, but if I’m then Bengals I don’t want to be pissing away draft picks on another player who may or may not be a head case.

Chicago Bears: One of three NFC North teams that could use a significant upgrade at QB, though they might think Kyle Orton is sufficient after a surprising (though still average) performance in 2008. I don’t know why this team is never capable of landing a respectable quarterback, but this seems like it’s presenting a golden opportunity. Also, the Vikings have the edge as the better prospect for the embattled QB because of better running backs, but if I’m Cutler I wouldn’t scoff at the opportunity to play for the Bears. Shit, if he can maintain a QB rating of 70 he’d be a living legend in what I consider the nicest city in the country.

Detroit Lions: I say this now and I might really regret it, but this team is not as bad as everyone thinks. With a new GM, a shitload of 2009 draft picks after heisting the Dallas Cowboys (Note: If you’re being pwned by the Detroit Lions in a trade, it might be time to reevaluate your methods), a new coach, a new GM and what’s probably the best receiving talent in the league with Calvin Johnson (4th time’s a charm), I wouldn’t mind going to Motor City. They have legalized gambling, and I would take a certain measure of pride in being given the opportunity to bring joy to a city that currently joyless. If I’m Detroit, I’d be willing to offer that first overall pick for Cutler in a heartbeat.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Yeah, they need new blood as much as anyone, specifically because they cut their entire roster so they literally need some new personnel to actually field a team. And what better way to start than at quarterback. Problem being, they have absolutely nothing to offer. The only way I pull the trigger on this trade if I’m Denver is if Tampa offers me Gaines Adams and a second rounder, and they’re not going to do that. Basically, the only way this trade takes place is if Denver gives him away for 30 cents on the dollar, and he’s too valuable of an asset for them to do that.

Houston Texans: Do they seem happy with Schaub? The backup cost them one game against the best team in their division for the past decade and everyone hates him now, so I could see them wanting to upgrade with the Vanderbilt alum. Cutler should like the idea of playing in Houston: It’s in the south and with his bowl-cut he’ll fit right in, the team has a great receiving corps (probably third best in the league after New England and Arizona) and a young, talented defense. But after pulling all the strings to get Schaub it’s probably not going to happen. They’ve been pretty banged up for the past couple seasons, so they can blame any shortcomings on that and will ultimately prevent them from proposing a trade.

San Fransisco Niners: Already said they’re not going to bother but it strikes us as a little premature for a franchise noted for its quarterback play. Is it because they think he’s some insufferable problem child? On some level every quarterback is a diva, which when speaking of someone of the male gender just means he’s a prick.

Carolina Panthers: Favorite place of this website. I’d assume the Panthers are off the Delhomme bandwagon after that loss to Arizona and they’re one of the more balanced teams in the NFL. Really, the only reason Arizona saw the AFC title game was because of Delhomme, and I think just about all of us can agree that Cutler is not throwing six interceptions at home. But they’ve been undying loyal to Jake Delhomme because he took them to a Super Bowl seven years ago, and they still don’t seem ready to part ways with him. As good as they looked this past season, they’re not the Patriots when it comes to general management.

Alright, that’s your extended list of Jay Cutler bidders out there. For everyone else they either have a quarterback for the future or one that they’re relying on and have too much invested in now, so we’ll stop short of speculating on every team’s interest.