Fantasy Football

It looks like the self-importance of the NFL has decided to take the day off in honor of Mike Vick’s return to his home confinement, so we’re left scrambling for something to write about. We were going to do a Wire-NFL players comparison (with Vick obviously being “Cheese” Wagstaff), but that just seemed tedious and random since the series has been canceled for over a year now.It’s still better than anything on television or in theater, but a year in the rear-view.

There is, however, trouble in the NFL’s wasteland, better known as the state of Ohio. Josh Cribbs, a great return man and a third rate receiver, refuses to meet or talk to Eric Mangini until his contract is renewed. I’m not sure how he expects this to happen unless he talks to one of the people who’ll determine whether or not his current deal is restructured, but god bless. I’m sure it’s just posturing, but we fully encourage it. The more distractions the team has, the likelier they are to keep that streak of missing the playoffs going. It would be considerably longer if they hadn’t ruined it in 2002 when they made the wild card, only to lose in devastating fashion in the first round to the Steelers. Nice job, overachievers.

On the opposite end of the state, Carson Palmer is lamenting the fact he has to play with Chad Johnson. He didn’t mind before, but you have to admit that when you discover you’re teammates with a guy who legally changes his name to two single digit numbers in a foreign language, it’s pretty devastating. I’m sure Palmer was always under the impression that he knew, beneath the abnormal and semi-rough exterior lied a vulnerable, confused young man. This whole name change thing solidifies that no, in fact, he was just a uber attention-seeking douchebag, and now Palmer must feel betrayed. Now he’s lashing out in unrelated ways, complaining about Johnson’s absence at a meaningless practice in May even though he probably doesn’t really want him there. Hey, Carson, it wasn’t the Cinco who busted up his knee; going to practices in May to get back in game shape is your problem, not the Cinco’s. The Cinco is free to operate as he sees fit, and that’s to hang out on the lake drinking Mai-Tai’s while the weather in Ohio is tolerable.

Anyhow, between these, the news that Stallworth’s arraignment has been delayed a month and Hard Knocks coming to Bengals mini-camp, these are some exciting times in Ohio. The last time the NFL atmosphere was so palpable in this state, the Steelers were crushing the Bengals in the playoffs after taking out their quarterback. At this point in the two team’s history, at least for the past twenty years, is a prank being pulled on the masses. After endless draft busts, disappointing losses, injuries, and every other type of bad break imaginable, you have to be able to laugh at the circumstances. If only football were just a game in this country.

Ah well.

Back tomorrow with something similar.