Fantasy Football

We skipped this feature last week due to an abundance of average to great performances from players who are supposed to perform. Expecting such performances two weeks in a row would be lunacy. So here are five players that quite possibly ruined your Sunday.

1) Brian Westbrook
We mentioned it before, but when all you can really say about his performance on Sunday against the Bengals is he wasn’t listed as questionable, then we might have some problems. To only manage 71 total yards and no touchdowns against that worse than shaky Bengals defense…we’re starting to wonder about your longevity. We will give you this, unlike Tomlinson, you have virtually no firepower surrounding you sans for a hot and cold rookie wide receiver, and the play calling for that game in particular was atrocious. But still, make better use of your touches to at least get your owners 15 points. You’re supposed to be a stalwart, not some quivering aging running back with nothing left in the tank. Get it together, man.

I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt, Westbrook, and just assume you were distracted.

2) Adrian Peterson
You’re lucky your good days are so breathtaking because we can’t stay mad at you. But 85 yards and -3 yards receiving? Are you fucking kidding me? This is what I get for my top three pick? Congrats on costing your team and dire sports city the game. Sure they rely on you too much but it’s for a reason. Shit, they could have thrown in Chester Taylor and gotten this type of production.

3) Andre Johnson
It’s personal between me and you, son. I go out of my way to make room for you in my salary cap league. I think, hey, they’re playing the Colts, how bad could he possibly be? Well, the answer is 4 catches for 55 yards. I hope it’s fun playing for a laughing stock for your entire career. Nothing like getting absolutely pwned by the same three teams in your division twice a year for the rest of eternity. We’ve had three quarterbacks now to make you look respectable, and your consistency is non-existent with any of them. We’ve made excuses for a long while on your behalf, but are beginning to believe you’re at least part of the problem.

4) Santana Moss
You were bound to cool off eventually given the nature of the offense you play in. But 5 catches for 29 yards against that broken and depleted Dallas secondary, that’s all you have to offer these days? If your goal is to validate our pre-set notions about you: bang-up job. If it’s to restore the faith in your apologists, well, you failed miserably.

5) Kellen Winslow
You’re lucky there were so many ungodly terrible performances this week, because we almost threw up watching you play which usually warrants a top spot. But we were about one more dry heave away from going to ER as a result of (amongst others) the four above you. Personally, I was playing against you this week so I was all the better for your 3 catches for 40 yards. But couldn’t help but feel a tinge of sympathy for my opponent who needed Soulja boy to outscore Braylon “dwarf hands” Edwards by six. You should have seen how confident he was on Monday morning and just devastated on Tuesday.

It for now, hope to post again later.