Fantasy Football

This is the one division in football without a real identifiable characteristic. If it’s anything, they are four of the more loyal teams to their coaches, but that seems pretty thin since one of them is the Houston Texans. They don’t even have a regional identity as one is in Indianapolis, one is in Nashville, one is in Houston and the other is in Jacksonville. Of the seven NFL teams that are considered part of the Mason-Dixon line, the NFC South consolidated four of them and the AFC East got the last one. There isn’t less than a five hour drive separating any of these teams and three of them are on the east coast.

That said, only one of them had a top ten pick (Jacksonville at #8) so if nothing else it’s a successful division, but all of these teams are going into the 2009 season with numerative question marks surrounding them: How will Indy look without Dungy and Harrison? Will Jacksonville rebound from the most disappointing season in the league last year? Can Tennessee repeat what they did last season with a non-existent passing game? And can Houston finally make the leap and contend for the playoffs? In other words, all of them had a lot on the line in this draft, let’s see how they did.

Houston Texans

Who they drafted: A team with a young, inexperienced defense drafted primarily more young, inexperienced defenders. Of their eight picks, only three of them were offensive players, the earliest coming in the third round and they consisted of a guard and two tight ends. It appears we aren’t the only ones who think Owen Daniels only performs just enough to keep his job and be overrated. In other words, the offense will look exactly the same.

Prognostication: Well: Matt Schaub, Steve Slaton, Kevin Walter, Andre Johnson and Owen Daniels will all be taken in your fantasy draft. The cloud overhead of this team is: Can Schaub finally turn into the quarterback everyone seemed to think he would be while backing up Vick in Atlanta? If he is capable of it, which Houston obviously seems to think he is, can the line protect him? Judging by Slaton’s productivity last year, it would lead you to believe that all of this is possible, it’s just a matter of it actually happening, which has yet to take place. Given, they’re in a tough division (the Colts have had Peyton Manning for as long as they’ve existed), but the clock is ticking on this team. Hopefully a defense with both DeMeco Ryan, Mario Williams, Nick Ferguson, Amobi Okoye and now Brian Cushing can actually produce something tangible.  Personally, I think we’re looking at a 10-6 season and a potential wild card.

Indianapolis Colts

Who they drafted: Donald Brown in the first, some receiver in the fourth and Curtis Painter in the sixth. It’s amazing they made only a half-assed effort to replace Marvin Harrison, then again it’s amazing that the Colts ever draft an offensive player before the third, so we can’t really speculate.

Prognostication: Then again, what kind of team takes a first round running back when they already have Joseph Addai? Is this one of those “I want my guys” moves from the new coach, because if I’m not mistaken, he was the assistant coach under Dungy, was he not? So what fucking gives? I know most teams operate with a run-by-committee approach, but you can’t hold off a couple rounds, take Javon Ringer and significantly upgrade your front seven? Anyways, with Gonzalez replacing Harrison, Manning being one year older and the same staggeringly inconsistent defense, I see another 11-5 season and an early dismissal from the playoffs. They’ll still get their points, but with the exception of Anthony Gonzalez I would knock everyone down at least one round with this draft.

Jacksonville Jaguars

Who they drafted: On the other side of the coin is the Jags, who surprisingly even bothered drafting defense this year, but never the less did so sparingly. Outside of their two third round picks, the other seven were offensive players. Including offensive lineman in the first and second round. Three receivers, a tight end and a running back from Liberty rounded out the draft for Jacksonville.

Prognostication: Maurice Jones-Drew’s stock just fucking sky-rocketed. They might be banking on Chauncey Washington to step in for third-down duty, but he has to come down from his high if he wants to improve his carries total. Look at his numbers last year, now take away Fred Taylor and add two top-tier offensive lineman and what do you get? I think you have a top five pick. As for the team itself, this defense is always a viable candidate, but the passing game is abysmal. I like the addition of Holt, but Holt is in Terrell Owens territory at this point and is running on fumes. Not to mention we can’t be sure that Gerrard will get him the ball when he’s open. Right now he’s listed as second string. So yeah, unless you can get your hands on Jones-Drew, I’d give strong consideration for any other player of comparable value on any other team.

Tennessee Titans

Who they drafted: Wisely, they went with a wide receiver in the first round. Unwisely, they went with some guy named Kenny Britt out of Rutgers. Now, they get a little leeway because they’re the Titans, and 75% of the time they are anywhere from respectable to competitive. But we have our suspicions about Kenny Britt being the best available option. Also notable offensive picks: Jared Cook (TE out of South Carolina), Javon Ringer in the fifth and a couple scrubs in the sixth and seventh rounds. On the defensive end, Sen’Derrick Marks out of Auburn has some enormous shoes to fill replacing Albert Haynesworth. All told: eleven draft picks, six on offense and five on defense.

Prognostication: Well, the passing game will be ever so marginally improved, but might be less effective with some of the hits on defense. I don’t see Kerry Collins holding up this season and Vince Young playing some sort of role on the offense that exceeds clipboard holding. How will the offense react? Well, Chris Johnson and LenDale White should still be viable fantasy players, but if this team gets off to a slow start, expect both of their efficient carries to drop considerably (the only 100 yard games White had last year were against the Chiefs and Lions, the 32nd and 30th ranked defenses in the league, respectively). This team, above all other playoff teams, I expect to slip quite a few notches and am pretty confident they’re missing the playoffs.

God that felt long. Actually, if you’re looking for a common theme amongst the teams in this division, it’s that they all are banking on quality in quantity in this draft. All of them had nine or more picks, with Tennessee maxing out at eleven.

That’s it for the week, back on Monday with something unrelated to the draft.

Ahh, the good ol’ reliable NFC west. The bastion of all that is wrong with NFL parity and proprietors of never-ending suckitude; these four teams have comprised what has unmistakenly been the worst division in the NFL for the past decade (despite two Super Bowl losses, both of which were coincidentally to the Steelers). As such, this division owned three of the top ten picks, two of the top four and this years gritty (i.e. quasi-lucky) Super Bowl reject.

That said, everyone seems to be in agreement that this division is poised for a rebound in 2009. If Arizona can carry the momentum from the playoffs into the 2009 season, if the Seahawks can stay healthy and Hasselbeck isn’t washed up like everyone assumes he is, and if Singletary can keep the Niners focused and finally get them to capitalize on their second half of the season success, they could potentially put two teams in the playoffs. That said, they’re a lot of “if’s” in this paragraph. As a result, the draft was infinitely more important to them than any other division in the league.

Arizona Cardinals

Who they drafted: Beanie wells with the second to last pick in the first round, defenders from then until the fifth and some late round cut-ees. Pretty much exactly what they should have done.

Prognostication: From a fantasy perspective, as multi-faceted as Wells is (can run laterally, vertically, for speed or power, for short and long yardage), I’d worry about how often he will be getting goal line carries. Wisenhunt is going to feel a tinge of loyalty to make sure Hightower gets his carries, and most of those I would expect to be in short-yardage situations. Still, if Wells stays healthy he should be a tremendous asset to any fantasy team. With that passsing game and assuming they keep all those receivers, this team could look almost infallible. One does pause for a second though, because everyone’s waiting for the other shoe to drop with Kurt Warner. Again.

San Fransisco 49ers

Who they drafted: San Fran, coming off another 8-8 year, seem to feel that between Mike Singletary insane genius, his history as a player and players drafted in recent years, that they are properly equipped on defense. At least that would explain taking Michael Crabtree 10th overall and ‘bama running back Glen Coffee in the third (I have no idea what happened to their second pick). Every other pick is superfluous.

Prognostication: Coming off yet another 8-8 season, I like the direction this team seems to be heading in. Amongst all the dark horses going into every NFL season, New Orleans is my favorite to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl and San Fran is my favorite to potentially upset in the playoffs. With the drafting of Crabtree, even with my effected opinion of him, he immediately becomes their best receiver. Alongside Vernon Davis, the ghost of Isaac Bruce, Arnez Battle and Brandon Jones; it goes from looking like one of the five worst receiving corps in the league to among one of the up and coming. Of course, they still have Shaun Hill throwing to them, which is probably worth taking into consideration. Also, if you like Frank Gore as a fantasy player or otherwise, expect Coffee to spell him on a pretty regular basis and cut into his carries.

Seattle Seahawks

Who they drafted: Aaron Curry with the fourth overall pick, addressed the aging offensive line in the second and added to their much needed receiving corps in the third. Their next pick was Mike Teel, the beleaguered Rutgers quarterback in the sixth (providing some tangible competition for Seneca “Heisman candidate for the first six weeks of his senior season at Iowa St” Wallace) and three seventh round picks.

Prognostication: With all due respect to all of the aforementioned players, the real acquisition for the ‘hawks is Cincinnati Bengal deflector and perennially most underrated player in the league in TJ Houshmenzadeh. For all the trials and tribulations of the Bengals rather turbulent Marvin Lewis era (Note: the turbulence has in no way been Lewis’ fault), Housh has been the one constant glimmer of hope. Through the good years with Palmer to the defunct 2008 season with Fitzpatrick at QB, Housh has always produced statistically and stayed out of trouble (which puts him in a distinct minority on the Bengals roster). Between him, Hasselbeck returning (too full form or otherwise) and the great first four draft picks (despite my superficial reservations about Curry), I could see the Seahawks bringing Seattle sports out of the abyss they seem to be submerged in. Adjust your fantasy projections accordingly.

St. Louis Rams

Who they drafted: Offensive tackle Jason Smith, under-sized linebacker out of Ohio State James Laurinaitis (I hear his dad was a professional wrestler of the WWE variety), then several unrecognizable defenders until closing out the draft with nonsensical offensive players in the 5th-7th rounds.

Prognostication: If you couldn’t tell from what I’ve written already, I’m really not a fan of what the Rams did in this draft or their outlook for the 2009 season. I don’t understand the coaching hire, I don’t know why they let Orlando Pace go just to replace him with Jason Smith (aren’t you just starting at square 1? It feels like the one team that wasn’t going to see a tangible improvement from one year to the next with Smith) and I don’t know why they failed to address their dire receiver situation (as good as Donnie Avery looked in his rookie season, he’s not a suitable first option). For a franchise that dominated the division from about 1999-2004, they’ve had a pretty hard fall from grace. If nothing else, the Rams can serve as a template for the Seahawks as what not to do.

Back tomorrow to close out our draft review with the AFC South.

We underwent a few technical changes this afternoon and were unable to post as early as we have been this week. So, sorry about that. On the plus side, our posts will be somewhat coherently formatted. Yay for semi-cogent internet screeds!

Today we look at the AFC East, the conference that Keyshawn Johnson couldn’t stop mentioning was “quarterback loaded except for the Jets” on draft day as justification for trading up for Mark Sanchez. Obviously no one told him that two of those “other teams” were the Dolphins and Bills. Either way, for having the best team of the past decade in their arsenal, this is a surprisingly mediocre division. The Bills take comfort knowing that they’ll never do worse than 8-8, but never do better than 8-8. The Jets fluctuate like no other team in the NFL, and every time they do make the playoffs it feels like an unpleasant surprise while every time they miss it feels like what’s supposed to happen. And the Dolphins will continue to be in rebounding mode as a franchise, and despite making the playoffs in 2008, still lack the offensive and defensive fire power to be considered among the elite teams in the league.

Basically, it’s a pivotal draft for a division in which I hate all four teams. I don’t like watching them. I don’t like owning their fantasy players. I don’t like people even reminding me of their mere existence. So, this should be fun.

Buffalo Bills

Who they drafted: The Bills were quite busy on draft day, but by all indications they are content with their skill players (as they probably should be), and went with offensive line when they weren’t drafting defense, as evidenced by first and second round picks that were committed to the line. Since they traded away their best lineman to the Eagles, this made sense. The only other offensive player they drafted was a fourth round tight end who, if lucky enough to make the team and get on the field will undoubtedly be blocking more than receiving.

Prognostication: The story here is obviously Terrell Owens and just how much he plans on derailing this team. So far, Owens has complained about playing with McNabb in his prime, Jeff Garcia in his prime and Tony Romo just entering his prime, what exactly is he going to have to say about Trent Edwards? We will say this, as a result of TO coming in and the two new lineman, we should see increased productivity from all of the returning skill players, even if Owens’ presence doesn’t get them in the playoffs. I’d bump Lynch and Fred Jackson up a few notches on your draft board.

Miami Dolphins

Who they drafted: Miami was relatively busy on draft day, just like any team that Bill Parcells has a hand in assimilating. For the sake of brevity: Pat White in the second round Patrick Turner in the third, Brian Hartline in the fourth, some tight end in the fifth and a tackle in the sixth.

Prognostication: While I think the Pat White pick works for them, doesn’t the statute of limitations on the wildcat have to be about up. I see Jerrod Mayo absolutely obliterating Patrick Cobbs at some point and putting an end to this whole scheme. But for the time being the pick understandable, if not predictable. They have needed an upgrade at receiver since Chris Chambers left, and before Chambers it had been about fifteen years since they had a notable receiver, so Pat Turner is the right pick. And I have no idea what they were thinking with Hartline. Still, while they loaded up on offensive players, I doubt any of them have any significant impact on this fantasy season. Outside of Ronnie Brown and maybe Ricky Williams, most of the current players’ fantasy value was diminished, and the new crop of players will be obsolete.

New England Patriots

Who they drafted: If the Dolphins were busy, then the Patriots were working in an Indonesian sweat shop. Twelve draft picks in all, five on offense and seven on defense, and with maybe the exception of UNC wide out Brandon Tate, none of any real consequence. As a result, we’re not going to take the time run through all of them.

Prognostication: Look, if you think Tom Brady will return fully healthy, then set your draft board as such. If not, then it’s anyone’s fucking guess what’s running through your head. I, for whatever crazy reason, expect Brady and the Pats to look almost as effective in 2009 as they did in 2007. If all goes according to plan, with all of the picks they used on defense and all the weapons they kept on offense this team should light up the fantasy football season (though I think the aging offensive line is a concern).  But it goes without saying, that if Brady’s taken out at the knees again and with no Cassel to back him up, all of those players are fucked statistically.

New York Jets

Who they drafted: Mark Sanchez, Shonn Green and a sixth round offensive guard out of Nebraska. Three picks, that’s it.

Prognostication: Well, just how much faith do you have in a rookie quarterback with a top (we’ll say…) eight offensive line, an above average running corps and a respectable recieving corps that runs five deep if you include Dustin Keller? Because while we think if there was an ideal yet realistic place for Sanchez to land, it was in New Jersey with the Jets. But at the same time, we think he’s going to be dreadful in his rookie season. People seem to forget that Thomas Jones and Leon Washington’s number skyrocketed from 2007 to 2008, it wasn’t just a coincidence that Brett Favre played in that second season. We’ll see if Sanchez can keep defenses honest enough to open up the running game, but that’s assuming he starts. If Kellen Clemens is their starter, you’re going to really wish you had went with the fourth receiver on the Cardinals instead of Chansi Stuckey.

Back tomorrow with the exact opposite of the AFC East in logistics and commercial appeal: the NFC West.

This is one of the more intriguing divisions heading into the 2009 season: An 0-16 team with the number one overall pick, a new coach and slightly modified uniforms, the best 6-10 team ever to play in the NFL in the 2008 Green Bay Packers, probably the most talented team in the NFL if quarterback doesn’t factor into the equation and the main beneficiary of the biggest trade in the off-season. Needless to say, if I’m a fan of a NFC North team, I’m on pins and needles waiting for the season to start (countdown: only four months and a half months to go). Two of these teams are on borrowed time (or at least it’s starting to feel that way) and two of them are just getting started, I’ll let you figure out which is which.

Chicago Bears

Who they drafted: Giving away all first day picks for Jay Cutler, the Bears drafted three receivers I’ve never heard of in a draft loaded with day two prospects at the position, an offensive lineman in the seventh round that won’t make the roster and five defensive players.

Prognostication: As underwhelmed as I am by their incoming crop of rookies, their off-season was all about getting Jay Cutler. As a result the offensive should look noticeably improved. Greg Olson will catch more passes, Matt Forte will gain more yards and Devin Hester now has a quarterback whose passes he can’t out run. But still the Bears look mightily desperate taking all these shots at unnamed receivers. They’re basically throwing a jump ball in the hopes that someone will rise to the occasion. Methinks they regret letting Berrian and Muhammad leave.

Detroit Lions

Who they drafted: Good golly do I like what they did with their draft. In the first round they managed to get the two best prospects at two different positions in Matt Stafford and Brandon Pettigrew, they took one of our dark horses in the third round with Derrick Williams and were practical by waiting until the sixth round to take a running back in Aaron Brown out of TCU, and in the seventh they took another tight end and a Nebraskan offensive lineman.

Prognostication: I still say I would have taken Jason Smith with that first overall pick, but judging by what they did with the rest of their draft they obviously see something in their current line that they like. Stafford will be on his back more often than not, but when he isn’t they know they have a guy capable of getting Pettigrew, Derrick Williams and Calvin and Bryant Johnson the ball, not to mention a defense that has only one available direction to go in, Detroit (right along with Philadelphia) might be the most improved NFL team for fantasy considerations.

Green Bay Packers

Who they drafted: An offensive lineman in the fourth and fifth rounds, a fullback in the fourth and five defensive players that opened and closed their drafts.

Prognostication: This team was absolutely loaded last year for fantasy and I think that will be the case this year. Aaron Rodgers should be just as effective this season minus the excessive interceptions, Ryan Grant and Brandon Jackson will probably have a 60/40 split on carries, and while they’re a little thin at receiving options (Driver has to be close to entering his forties), Greg Jennings and Donald Lee are both viable fantasy options. So while I would have taken a receiver, I can understand the urgency on defense, where they seem to have a plethora of names but never clicked (Note: Their defense was pretty solid for fantasy purposes, as they led the league in defensive touchdowns, so you know they have potential). Plus, Boldin, Burress and Edwards are still very much on the trading block.

Minnesota Vikings

Who they drafted: Percy Harvin, which was easily the most discussed draft pick after Stafford, an offensive lineman out of Oklahoma and three defensive players with the remaining picks they managed to salvage from the Jason Allen trade last season.

Prognostication: With all the rumors floating about that Brett Favre is contemplating signing with Minnesota, it’s tough to say. I’m not big on the Favre bandwagon (haven’t been for the past nine years), but with the potential they now have at receiver with Shiancoe, Harvin and Berrian, they need someone who can actually get them the ball, and I think Favre is still capable of doing just that. At least more so than Rosenfels or Tavaris Jackson. On the other end of the equation, you’re looking at considerably more turnovers if you bring in Favre, is the increased explosiveness worth all the errant passes you are destined to see? If I’m a Vikings fan/front office overlord, I’m going to say no; but it would really improve everyone’s fantasy prospects. Can you imagine the numbers Peterson puts up if they acquire Favre, a quarterback that defensives have to take seriously. It did wonders for Thomas Jones’ numbers, what it could do for AP is beyond my comprehension.

Back tomorrow with the AFC East.

It’s a good thing we’re stretching this out over the course because absolutely nothing happened in the world of football over the weekend. It was a minimal amount of NBA playoffs, sports that people pretend to care about in really brief durations (horse racing, boxing) and hockey. To give you an idea of how dominant the NFL is, if their was an exhibition game taking place in Singapore between the Texans and Seahawks, it would have scored a higher Nielsen than every other sporting event this weekend combined.

Today we look at the NFC South, the division with the best overall record in the 2008 season and presumably the one that requires the least amount of help for 2009. But along with the regularity teams have to turn their situation around for the better, they’re just as likely to collapse for no explainable reason. This seems inevitable for at least two teams in the NFC South. Which two? I have no idea. But if I’m putting money on it I’m going with Carolina & Tampa Bay. If this collapse is indeed pending, success in the draft is all the more imperative.

Atlanta Falcons

Who they drafted: Uhh, they had eight total picks, seven which were for defense and even the one lone offensive player was a fifth round lineman.

Prognostication: From a fantasy perspective the major acquisition here was Tony Gonazalez, whom they got for a second round draft pick in 2010. He’s going to be able to open up the passing lanes for Michael Jenkins and Roddy White, run block for Turner and Norwood and generally just serve as another body defenses can’t leave unguarded. If all those defensive draft picks improve the other side of the ball and Matt Ryan’s rookie year wasn’t a fluke (unlike Joe Flacco, we don’t think it was), the Falcons and New Orleans should be in a dog fight for divisional supremacy, which means a lot of accumulated fantasy points.

Carolina Panthers

Who they drafted: Understandably they went just about all defense. Muhsin Muhammad, Steve Smith, Jonathan Stewart and DeAngelo Williams are all perfectly suitable at the skill positions. It wasn’t a good draft to improve at quarterback and they would have been insane to trade up for it. With Julius Peppers constantly rumored to be leaving Charlotte, it was smart to preemptively prepare for that, because a player like that can make or break a defense if you don’t have suitable replacements.

Prognostication: Even though I like them going after defensive players, the defense was good enough last year. The real question is how is Jake Delhomme going to rebound from that dreadful six interception game last season and will his teammates support him, because at least for now they have no other options. I think renewing his contract to a undeserved and unforeseen degree (especially for a thirty-four year old) that the team has no intention of honoring will help, but I still have my doubts. As far as fantasy football goes, this team will be just as productive as last season, but I’m skeptical they’re returning to the playoffs.

New Orleans Saints

Who they drafted: Malcolm Jenkins. The three rounds later they drafted a linebacker and another DB both of who are out of Wake Forest. If you’re wondering what happened to their second and third round picks you are in the wrong place to find out.

Prognostication: The Saints seem to perennially have a weak secondary. They address the issue every year and every year it seems to get worse. In other words, they’re the new New York Giants in that way. Remember that season opener between the Colts and Saints the season after Indy won the Super Bowl? Jason David turned down the contract offer from the Colts, went to New Orleans and Peyton Manning burnt him on three touchdown passes? That has epitomized the Saints secondary for the past four seasons. Jason David is listed as second string now, But I think acquiring Malcolm Jenkins might be the wrench that gets them moving in the other direction. Look for the offense to be just as explosive next season but even more effective because of an improved defense that was completely revamped in 2008.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Who they drafted: The quarterback out of Kansas State in Josh Freeman, defensive players in the third, fourth and seventh rounds and an offensive tackle from Illinois in the fifth. I believe they gave up the second round pick to either move up to ensure they got the rights to Freeman or in the Kellen Winslow deal.

Prognostication: In short, This team is a fucking mess. I like trading for Winslow especially for how relatively little they had to sacrifice to get one of the best athletes in the league, but they released half their defense from last season, fired their coach and let their much abused Jeff Garcia take off for Oakland to scare the living shit out of JaMarcus Russell. And while I like Freeman for where they drafted him, I really don’t think they needed to trade up to secure the pick (it was two spots) and he is, admittedly, a work in progress that will almost certainly be their starter this season. And if he isn’t, the options are Luke McCown and Brian Griese. If NFL teams were models, the only team Tampa would look good standing next to is Denver. So if you want to draft Michael Clayton or Derrick Ward or Antonio Bryant or Kellen Winslow, just be damn certain their isn’t an option on equal footing in talent but with a more stable situation.

We return tomorrow with our close on the rust belt region: The NFC North.

Welcome back, today we dissect the abysmal yet still better of the two west divisions in the NFL. Then again, the NFC west at least represented the conference in the Super Bowl, so there you go. But the AFC West has some teams on the up and up, particularly San Diego, who if they act like adults and not petulant children who feel they’ve been wronged, might actually live up to expectations; and we’re of the mind that Kansas City is a dark horse playoff contender. The other half of the division, well, we’re not trying to ruin your day so we’ll just say that I’d find an Arena League team too root for if you have any hopes of one of these two teams making a run.

Denver Broncos

Who they drafted: Knowshon Moreno is obviously the headliner. After the tenth overall pick, the team wisely went defense with four of their next five picks (they had a bevy of them from the Cutler trade), as they had the second worst defense in the league after an 0-16 Detroit team, but since their offense was one of the best in the league I am convinced the Lions actually had the superior defensive unit.

Prognostication: While I think Knowshon Moreno is a talent worthy of recognition, but as much as I like Kyle Orton, he’s not exactly a suitable replacement for Jay Cutler. Not to mention that their O-line couldn’t stop a a mediocre offensive line and no legitimate help in the backfield. So, take that for what it’s worth. I’m also skeptical of this new coach. If you didn’t notice, no one really considered Jay Cutler a “cancer” until Shannahan was out and McDaniels was in, that just wreaks of a control freak and not in a good way. I don’t know, when I look at this roster I see the closest thing to the 2008 Lions. Which means the only player you really want to draft off this team is Brandon Marshall.

Kansas City Chiefs

Who they drafted: Much like Denver, Kansas City’s defense was putrid. Actually, it was ranked 30th overall instead of 31st and there cause for concern was inexperience and not decimation via injury, so they have that going for them. Anyhow, they also focused primarily on defense and traded their second round pick for Matt Cassel. They didn’t actually draft an offensive player until the sixth round, which is the right thing for them to do. And if you’re so cynical as to actually question them, then you’re questioning the architect of the New England Patriots teams of the past decade in Scott Pioli.

Prognostication: Yeah, I don’t think Javarris Williams or Quentin Lawrence are really going to turn this team upside down, so they key here is Matt Cassel, who they gave up relatively little for. With Tony Gonzalez gone, they’re left with Dwayne Bowe, Bobby Engram and last year’s enigma for, like, weeks 11-15 in Mark Bradley. If I’m being honest I don’t expect Cassel to have a season like the second half he had in New England (you’re kidding yourself if you think he will), but that doesn’t mean he won’t be an upgrade from Tyler Thigpen, yet another 2008 Chiefs enigma. In short, I like this team as a dark horse in the same fashion of 2008 Miami, but the Dolphins didn’t have any real fantasy players either.

Oakland Raiders

Who they drafted: “It’s my hot body, I’ll do what I want. It’s my hot body, I’ll do what I want.” This is what I kept hearing when Tom Cable so virtuously and unconvincingly went to defend their draft day. Look man, I understand wanting to “get the guys” you want and all that, but there is this little thing called Market Value that you, Al Davis and whatever mad scientist you have making the calls in the front office decided to look over. I don’t know for a fact, but you probably could have drafted Bay in the second round, if not the third. As for the rest of their draft…ugh.

Prognostication: There really isn’t much to say because it doesn’t look like they’re going to corrode as a result of this draft. If it goes either way it will be the latter, just by virtue of not improving, like, you know, most teams do in the NFL draft. Maybe Bey will pan out and JaMarcus Russell will continue to improve like he was at the end of last season, but it seems like wishful thinking to assume any of this is going to happen.

San Diego Chargers

Who they drafted: Third and fourth round offensive lineman, a sixth round running back and Demetrius Byrd, one of our dark horses from our draft preview. Yeah, not much happening on the San Diego front in the way of newly acquired players effecting your fantasy season.

Prognostication: San Diego is still going to be a dynamic fantasy team. Between Chambers, Jackson, Rivers, Gates and whether it be Sproles, Tomlinson or both of them. I am surprised they didn’t think to re-up at running back with either Donald Brown or Beanie Wells. They probably wanted to avoid pissing off Tomlinson but his career is done, and I can’t imagine what they’re going to do with yet another linebacker. I mean, when you run the 3-4 I guess you can always use added depth but if San Diego has any one glaring weakness that needs addressing, considering Sproles is under-sized and Tomlinson is over the hill, then it’s probably at running back. But as it stands, I imagine one of the offensive lineman they drafted will improve their blocking, making everyone just slightly more impressive.

Alright, we’re off until next Monday, when we’ll tackle the NFC South.

In honor of the Bengals being named this season’s Hard Knocks team, we’re reviewing the AFC North’s draft this week for fantasy football. It’s the AFC North, so that means two of these teams will have players you want to draft and the other two are in Ohio. So be it, it lessens our workload. Onto the inconsequential synopsis of what all went down for your beloved rust belt teams, you can find our preview of the NFC east here.

Baltimore Ravens
Who they drafted: I absolutely loved who they took with there first pick in Michael Oher, the two time All-American offensive tackle from Ole Miss. As noted during the draft, he has an absurd survivalists background and his response when getting drafted, something along the lines of “I didn’t care when I went so long as I went” was refreshing in the ridiculously hyper-competitive atmosphere that accompanies the draft. If they had a running back who could stay healthy or a quarterback who wasn’t the luckiest first round pick on the face of the earth I would actually consider drafting one of their backfield players. But yeah, it’s still their defense. Otherwise, it was a tight end from East Carolina, a running back from Virginia and defense the rest of the way home, baby.

Prognostication: There is absolutely no way the Ravens win eleven games again next year, but if they do the offense will be the reason why. Willis McGahee should be lethal, but you have to worry about Ray Rice and Le’Ron McClain eating up carries. Which they will on a regular basis. The receiving corps. is solid and the offensive line will be too, it’s just a matter of how much faith you have in Joe Flacco, and we don’t really have any. It’s one thing to go from being a serviceable quarterback who only throws the ball fifteen times a game and doesn’t turn the ball over, too being an actual play-maker. This draft didn’t really do him any favors at the skill positions. We will say this: expect all their receivers to have improved seasons (Mason and Clayton especially).

Cincinnati Bengals

Who they drafted: A behemoth of a wobbly offensive lineman in Andre Smith, a stud linebacker who fell further than he ever had any business falling in Ray Malaluga, some other defensive players that will make an immediate impact and a couple offensive scrubs that I’ve never heard of in the later rounds.

Prognostication: All told? Not half bad for the Bengals, who should be significantly better as a team next year with Carson Palmer coming back (though I have my reservations about how effective he’ll actually be, he’s a damn sight better than Fitzgerald). But they still have Cedric Benson/Chris Perry as their running backs and they lost their best play-maker at wideout when Houshmenzadeh bolted for the pacific Northwest to play for Seattle (who I like as a psuedo-dark horse). They did replace him with Laverneus Coles though that strikes me more as Coles went there because no one else would have him. But you make of it what you will. Not to mention there is the small detail that just about any Bengals roster spot is tenuous, as the front office cut so many backroom deals to get active players out of the clink from Saturday night’s festivities. Personally, I’m probably steering clear of all Bengals unless I can get some after I’ve drafted all my starters sans kicker. It’s a bold move, I know.

Cleveland Browns
Who they drafted: The Browns traded down about four times to gain extra draft picks in the first round, by the end of the first they had ten picks for the next six rounds and somehow ended up with…eight total draft picks? I didn’t watch a millisecond of the second round on so I’m not sure how this all worked out, but with the picks they had, they managed to acquire Alex Mack, Brian Robiskie, Mohommad Massaqui and James Davis on the offensive side.

Prognostication: Well, I like how they continued to trade down…but I don’t really know what they got out of it other than a heavier wallet. I mean, reportedly Mangini is a big fan of the two defenders they got from New York for the 5th overall pick, but the value doesn’t seem that high for a quarterback that was so sought after. That said, I always like beefing up at the offensive line and since it looks like LeCharles Bentley isn’t going to pan out, they replaced him with a first rounder they obviously have a high opinion of. And while I’m not a huge Robiskie fan, they need receivers as much as anyone with their only remaining starter hating the team/city, Winslow being dealt to Tampa and Stallworth being in the clink. Massaqui is also a decent value pick in the third and I can’t believe James Davis was still available in the seventh. In all, this team is laden with players people might end up taking from free agency, because they seem deep but average at all skill positions.

Pittsburgh Steelers
Who they drafted: An offensive lineman from Wisconsin, a receiver from Ole Miss, a running back from UNLV and some scrubs in the sixth and seventh round. I’d question the first round pick of Evander Hood if it was anyone other than Pittsburgh drafting him but they kind of have a successful track record with these things, so we’ll let it slide.

Prognostication: Well, what have we come to expect from the Steelers during a football season? They’re efficient, well-managed, selfless (or as much as any professional athlete can be) and mild-mannered. The aggregate of these qualities results in several 4th-10th round picks (Ward, Miller, Washington, Holmes, Roethlisberger) and Willie Parker, who depending on his inconsistent health status might be worthy of first round pick when draft time rolls around. I don’t want to commit too staunchly to that position because there’s enough time for him to end up needing his feet amputated, but I like his potential with the slightly improved offensive line (which was probably the worst ever to win a Super Bowl). Mike Wallace will only clock minutes in garbage time and that’s assuming he makes the roster. He’s behind a lot of capable hands in the four listed above and Limas Sweed, Dallas Baker and Dennis Dixon who they might try to run at the position. Basically, nothing changed from this draft.

Back tomorrow with our assessment of….the AFC West.

So it appears that the new trend in post-draft analysis is to lament the concept of dolling out team grades immediately after the draft ends, and this is generally followed immediately with draft grades because virtually no one wants to deviate from the norm. The sad fact of the matter is, that people enjoy draft grades. It tends to validate what they think of their team’s performance or serve as a devil’s advocate. There’s nothing wrong with it. I don’t know why the concept needs to be lampooned by everyone with a public opinion when rightly or wrongly, it’s obviously what people enjoy reading. It’s opinion on the NFL, not a dissection of apartheid. It doesn’t exactly have to be sophisticated.

Never the less, we’re going to look at each team’s draft and see how their incoming crop of players who may or may not make the roster will impact the team’s offensive character. We’re going to do this by division so as to get as many posts out of this as possible. Today we’re starting with the NFC East, because it’s loaded with teams in major markets thus making it the most important of all the divisions. See, that’s my Colin Cowherd impression.

Dallas Cowboys

Who they drafted: Despite not having a pick on the first day (which only consisted of two rounds this year) due to desperately needing to acquire Roy Williams, the Cowboys had a total of twelve picks in this weekends draft, practically none of which were on offense. Well, they drafted an offensive lineman in the second round from Ball State (Muncie represent!), a quarterback who won’t even be allowed to hold the clipboard and a seventh round receiver from Oklahoma named Manuel Johnson.

Prognostication: With the Cowboys, basically you’re hoping that they weeded out some of the excessive baggage and will be able to focus primarily on what’s being produced on the field as opposed to what’s happening off of it. Maybe the Ball State lineman can help protect Romo and open up some more holes for Tashard Choice and Marion Barber, but that’s not enough incentive to draft any of these players. If you’re leaning towards the Cowboys rebounding from a disappointing 2008 campaign, draft them. If not, then don’t. It’s really quite simple. I actually think they will, but don’t let what happened in this draft influence your opinion either way, because it was pretty inconsequential from a fantasy perspective.

New York Giants

Who they drafted: For all the talk of how deep they are at running back, how confident they are in their quarterback and for having a top five offensive line, the Giants used a total of four picks addressing those three aspects of their team with William Betty (OT from UConn), Andre Brown (RB from NC State), Rhett Bomar (QB from Sam Houston) & Travis Beckum (TE from Wisconsin). Three of which were in the fourth round or before. The highlight of their draft, however, was there attempts to fill their recent void at receiver with Hakeem Nicks and Ramses Barden, shattering the record of coolest names for a drafted receiving duo in the history of receiving duos.

Prognostication: As stated before, I’m a big Hakeem Nicks fan. But when you take receiver-type into the equation, he isn’t exactly what they needed. A good chunk of their offense consisted of Eli holding to ball too long, being rushed in the backfield, flinging up a hail Mary in Burress’ general direction and hoping that he could come down with the catch or disrupt any potential interception; and I’d say about 90% of the time Burress was the target of a forty yard heave, one of these two things was the end result. Nicks, for as much as we like his potential, at 6′0 he is too short to afford them this style of offense. On the other hand, with Ramses, who stands at an intimidating 6′6, could end up being at least a supplement for Burress, if not a permanent solution.

Philadelphia Eagles

Who they drafted: Jeremy Maclin (WR), LeSean McCoy (RB), Cornelius Ingram (TE, Florida), Fenuki Tupou (OT, Oregon), Brandon Gibson (WR, Washington State) and Paul Faniaka (OG, Arizona State). In other words: as far as fantasy football is concerned, they had what I’d consider the most impacting draft.

Prognostication: Well, between the rookies they drafted and the draft picks they traded away for the offensive lineman Jason Peters from Buffalo, I think it’s safe to say there will be a lot of changes here. Philly was in a tenuous position at receiver given what was available, they also needed a possession receiver and settled for another speed demon in Jeremy Maclin, whose basically the same type of receiver as Kevin Curtis and DeSean Jackson. While I would have rather seen them trade for Boldin, this is going to offer its own style. As I said in our running diary on Saturday, when Donovan McNabb snaps the ball, it’s going to look like someone swatted a beehive with a crowbar.

I don’t know how much the rookie offensive lineman are going to play, but with the return of Shane Andrews and the acquisition of Jason Peters, the running game is going to look refined, and if Brian Westbrook limps through this season with nagging injuries like he’s done for the past three, he finally has someone to spell him in LeSean McCoy, who is more than worthy of one of your mid-round picks. Westbrook isn’t going to unnecessarily play when he sustains his obligatory leg injury that he never fully heels from, as a result I would drop him down about seven or eight spots on your draft board. And just as a kicker, they get a completely capable tight end who won two national titles at University of Florida in Cornelius Ingram, who’ll be starting by the end of the year.

Washington Redskins

Who they drafted: They only had six total picks because they traded them all away on god knows what (they offered Cleveland a couple just to stay in consideration for a trade with Sanchez is probably what it was), and with the first four they drafted defense (the first three of which were absolute studs in college). In the seventh round they took mercy on their paltry offense and took a receiver from Nevada and a tight end from Idaho.

Prognostication: Expect their offense to look considerably worse next year. If they can’t right the ship with Jason Campbell after trying to dump him twice in the past month after his career year, then you’re looking at a lineup with a mediocre line, a slightly better than serviceable and disgruntled quarterback, one of the oldest receiving corps. in the game and two running backs with little to no help around them. On the bright side, their defense should be loaded but the offense might be a turnover machine unto itself, so drop them a few spots in your rankings.

So that was productive, at least enough so that we can warrant doing the same thing for each division until next Friday (at the latest). Back tomorrow with more of the same for let’s say….the AFC North. Few things are more terrifying than appraising the value of Ohio NFL team’s draft picks.

Provided the forecast is accurate and the weather doesn’t undergo any rapid changes, we fully plan on going to the Ohio State Spring game before the draft. We probably won’t stay beyond the first half so there shouldn’t be any time constraints, but if we are tardy in our return please, by all means, entertain yourself with this. Just left click to change colors and it’s like being four years old all over again… But then you will quickly realize that you’re in your 20’s or 30’s, and then you’ll inevitably fall into a mild depression over having done nothing with your life and part of the reason is you’re playing with an interactive online toy tailor-made for people who barely know how to tie their own shoes.

On second thought, just veer away from that link altogether.

Roughly 9PM last night: So Matthew Stafford and the Lions begrudgingly come to terms on a deal with $41.7 million guaranteed. Looks like going on Jimmy Fallon’s show to fling footballs at dinner plates was the deal-breaker for the Ford family. It’s absolutely impossible to root against the Lions this season. But when the best thing anyone can think to say about the situation is “he has a 60% chance of succeeding”, I would be a little reluctant to start celebrating if I’m a Lions fan. The one thing playing in Stafford’s favor is he has Calvin Johnson to throw too, who, if nothing else, has the potential to go down in history as the best jump ball receiver of all-time. But yeah, he better pray they address the offensive line over the defense with their second first rounder, there’s a reason Dan Orlovsky was unwittingly running out the back of his own end zone.

Back around 4PM or so.

3:55- Matt Stafford thinks football is fun to play, setting the appropriate tone for the rest of the evening. Jim Schwartz doubles up on that and informs us that Stafford made it an easy decision, that’s why they waited until the night before the draft to sign him on.

3:57- To give you an idea of how little I’ve been paying attention to all this and how inconsequential my draft preview is: I just found out Jason Smith was black.

3:59- I think this montage is to give you an idea of the inflated self-importance of the NFL and ESPN. Nothing like a rap remix on a hymn so we know just how SERIOUS all of this is.

4:04- Weeee, it’s going to be so much more entertaining watching Matt Stafford get tackled behind the line of scrimmage instead of Jon Kitna. Thanks for the graduation speech, Goodell. You personality deficient overlord. Wow, it’s amazing how Mel Kiper can voice over some highlights like he’s never seen them before.

4:07- Erin Andrews and Stafford are forced to talk for the second time in five minutes, I’m pretty sure the only reason he’s tolerating it is because it’s Erin Andrews. Though she’s a gator and pales in comparison to the average girl he screws after a home win, so his poise is impressive.

4:10-The Rams are expected to take Jason Smith, just to make the move completely inconsequential for your fantasy season. Stephen Jackson will be a monster until his annual ankle injury in week 4, so Donnie Avery is what we’re looking at.

4:13- Eugene Monroe is the last remaining entity from the monster recruiting days of Al Groh at UVA, they wouldn’t go wrong with that pick either. It’s a shame they can’t take both of them to make a tangible difference.

4:14-So, the pick is in…OMGOMGOMG they took exactly who they should have and everyone said they would. Riveting! But seriously, how often does this actually happen, a team taking who they should. That’s how you get back to the mountain top in a beshitted division. Also, this will bait someone into over-drafting Stephen Jackson in fantasy, so there’s that.

4:20- I’m not going to lie, I’d be reluctant to draft any football player out of Wake Forest.

4:21- Trey Wingo wants Herm Edwards to pretend he didn’t get fired from his coaching job because Edwards would so rather be talking to some dipshit lacking awareness.

4:22- I’m watching this with two other people, and it’s impossible to listen to this analysis, which we couldn’t be more thankful for. We did catch that they had 17 rookies drafting…what exactly did they get for Jason Allen? Oh yeah, a 2-14 season.

4:25- Steve Young: screaming at the top of his lungs is a good indicator that hanging around the ESPN NFL crew can turn anyone into a functioning moron.

4:26- As surprising as it is, Tyson Jackson might be the better choice just because he went to LSU, and I’m thinking someone within the organization is an LSU alum because this is the second top five defensive lineman they’ve taken in as many years. Of course, he hasn’t really panned out, soo maybe they should have taken Curry. I don’t know, I’m a fucking idiot, why are you reading this?

4:30- Probably the smart move taking Curry, if for nothing else Seattle always seems to have a pedestrian defense and they don’t want to buck that trend. Still, it’s better than taking Sanchez, who isn’t going to turn into a good pick until the teens.

4:34- Aaron Curry, seems like a decent enough bloke, but probably isn’t the best example of what Wake Forest has to offer academically.

4:36- Mangini wants “his guys” because he’s an insufferable narcissist, but he might just happen to be a capable NFL coach. I hope at some point in the near future, Cleveland can find a Belichick disciple that suits them. But really, where do you start if you’re Cleveland? They need everything. Running back is aging (though everyone likes Harrison) they’re down to one receiver who hates the team and the city hates him. The defense is paltry. The one place they have an excess of talent is QB.

4:40- Smart, smart move by Cleveland: trade down in a weak draft. It’s not exactly rocket science.

4:42- If anyone should take Sanchez it’s New York, they have all the integral pieces needed for a rookie starter, but, you know, I just don’t think he’s going to be a good quarterback.

4:46- Someone said everyone in the NFC east has a QB except New York, and I agree with him. Everyone knows Trent Edwards is the next Joe Montana and Chad Pennington has at least ten more years under his belt.

4:48- Cleveland made the right move here, they’ll get a first round pick with about the same value as the 5th overall but will pay him a fraction of what they would have. Plus an additional second round pick that will probably be an upgrade at whatever position they draft for.

4:49- The pick is in and we’re being told to drink Coors Light, that’s my queue to grab a Bellhaven at next commercial.

4:51- Cincy takes Andre Smith, who I guess is problematic because he didn’t show up for some workout. Seems kind of overblown but Cincy taking him kind of confirms that he’s a fucking mess. Pssh, whatever, he’s a highly touted offensive lineman from the SEC, he should be a pro bowler for a decade. That is assuming he stops short of his third strike. I like how his player profile is in a baggy sweatshirt while everyone else is in a cyclist gear.

4:57- Ladies and gentleman, this years Done Whitner without the on-field success: Darrius Bey!

4:58- If we can infer anything from this, it’s that Darren McFadden’s workload just tripled.

4:59- And Michael Crabtree looks like a great pick now. The last time a team took a receiver too high because of a good forty time is Troy Williamson to Minnesota a few years ago. Ironically, he plays in Jacksonville now.

5:06-Eugene Monroe is on the phone, which means he’s the next selected. Or his girlfriend’s pregnant.

5:08- Monroe it is, making Jones-Drew even more valuable next season with no Fred Taylor. They couldn’t have gone wrong either way, but it must have been tempting to take Crabtree. Though the blinding reflection from his earrings probably makes him easier to pass on.

5:10- BJ Raji out of Boston College, the ACC is being represented well in the lottery (or would be lottery). If you watched the ACC at all this year, you would know that it makes sense that two of them have been defensive players because your average final score in the conference looks like a baseball game. Bang up job, Raiders.

5:14- Nice reporting by Erin Andrews. I’d rather be taken in the second round than have to play in Oakland and it’s important to reflect that that is the sentiment at the Crabtree pick.

5:18- You won’t believe this, but the Niners won a bunch of their meaningless remaining games at the end of the season. I think I speak for all of us when I ask if they do this every year.

5:19- This is one of those situations where there just isn’t a good pick. If they take a receiver, they have a questionable QB throwing to him, if they go defense they’re hanging the offense out to dry. Whatever, this is retribution for owning the 80’s.

5:21- Crabtree it is. Probably the best move in just taking the best on the board. At least they have plenty of sub-par QB’s to vie for the position.

5:23- The Bills are next on the board, that’s always an adventure. I wonder, who can they over-draft this year.

5:24- Michael Crabtree, ever the lovable scamp actually gives an substantive answer. Predictable? Yes. But something where he used more than a series of two syllable words.

5:25- As much as I appreciate ESPN’s efforts to spoil the announcement of every pick, I really wish they’d refrain from the cell phone shots.

5:27- Maybin is apparently the samurai from Necessary Roughness. Good pick, I reckon. You’d be hard-pressed to better out of the Big Ten this year.

5:28- Wow, that was only a mild patronizing answer from Steve Young about Maybin in Buffalo.

5:31- Denver is pretty much the same situation as San Fran, and naturally the second Mike Shannahan is out the door, they take a running back too high.

5:34- Brian Orakpo going to Washington. If I had to take a defensive end this season, this is who I would take. He made that entire defense at Texas look about four times better than they actually were (note: they still weren’t that good).

5:36- It’s nice to see Donald Brown is doing pretty much what I am: Sitting on the couch and overreacting to everything that happens. The difference being I’m with a couple people and he’s by himself. Well, he has a camera on him. I didn’t know who he was until just now (one of the benefits of playing at Uconn), but I want the Eagles to draft him now. I like the low maintenance.

5:40- New Orleans taking Malcolm Jenkins immediately makes them a team whose bandwagon I am hopping on. Between him and Will Smith, they have two of the more impressive former Buckeyes in the past twenty years. I’m that easy.

5:49- I would have gone with Malaluga, if for no other reason than seeing that Erin Andrews interview. Why do I want to see that, you ask? Well, this might have something to do with it (sorry, our fourth branch of Government that ESPN serves used their power to get it deleted from the internet).

5:51- Houston, also known as the San Fran of the AFC, is going to make the playoffs last year because they went 8-8 last year.

5:52- Larry English out of Northern Illinois goes to San Diego. Kind of an odd decision for a team loaded at the linebacker position, though Chris Berman inarticulately expressed otherwise in regards to Shawne Merriman. But Mel Kiper thinks it makes sense, so it isn’t something you can argue with. You’re not allowed.

5:55- Will Cleveland take the hometown kid? How much does Mangini want to upset the overly sensitive Cleveland fanbase. Seriously, that stadium after a home loss is like trying to console a girlfriend whose dad just died. What I’m trying to say is, they might take it a little too hard.

5:58- Trading down again, I love it. Should be another second round pick and two spots down in the first. Stockpiling for a team that didn’t have a good starting point is about the best they could do….OK, a sixth round pick for Tampa to advance two spots. Who are they eying for the 6th fucking round? Whatever, he’ll probably start the second half of next season.

6:01- Tampa taking Josh Freeman. I have to tell you, I like this move for Tampa. They are getting a raw talent at a relatively low price, with a huge arm and mobility. Also, with a decent receiving corps. and an endless line of running backs, it’s about the best situation he could realistically go to. Did I mention they got him for a low price? What would you rather have, Mark Sanchez at $60 million or Freeman for a small fraction of that?

6:06- Robert Ayers out of Tennessee goes to Denver. Ugh, only seven sacks in the SEC. That’s like two in the Pac-10. I’d be going to with a multi-threat like Malaluga, who can tackle, pass cover and play the running lanes. They need a five tool player to avoid being Detroit Lioned this season.

6:08- Cleveland on the clock. Again. So, do they take Chris Wells, Ray Malaluga, an offensive lineman or a local boy? Or do they trade down for an extra seventh rounder? The Suspense is killing me. Are they eventually going to trade themselves out of this week fucking draft completely, and just double up for 2010? I’d love to see that.

6:11- Did Steve Young and Keyshawn Johnson just have a heated argument when they were arguing the same point? I think they did.

6:13- CANNNNN YOUUUU DIGGGGG ITTTTTT! Finally, we draft a wide receiver in the first round, and an efficient and versatile one. We’re a bit undersized between Jackson, Curtis and Maclin, they’re going to look like someone swatted a beehive with a baseball out there.

6:16- You’re not going to believe this, but Keyshawn thinks the Eagles should have taken a sizable, possession receiver. He’s right, but even if he wasn’t that would still be his protestation.

6:18- Alright, I’ve calmed down, Keyshawn has all but admitted he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Obviously Philly has their reasons for not trading for Boldin, I can’t fathom what they’d be…but they improved at the position where they were weaker.

6:20- Hmm, questionable pick by Detroit, but he can block as well as he can receive. And if nothing else, they got the best player at the position that was available this year with the 20th overall.

6:21- Cleveland on the clock. Again. I thought they might be angling to get Pettigrew, if that was the case then, well, tough titties Mangini. Guess sometimes it works in your favor to not trade down three times.

6:24- Going from 5 to 10 picks is impressive. At this rate they’re going to have 240 picks by the end of the 2009 draft.

6:26- Still, after trading down from the 5th to the 22nd pick, Alex Mack might upset some people. It’s a smart move beefing up the line, but is anyone feeling like a Cal lineman is satisfactory? Just based on hearing his story, I’d rather have Michael Oher if I’m a Cleveland fan. Which I’m not, thank God I’m not.

6:28- It’s a good thing Minnesota is filling that void left by Troy Williamson, that’s usually takes years to recover from. Seriously, I understand though, it takes drastic measures to appease the likes of Sage Rosenfels (I know I spelled that shit wrong).

6:31- Alright, on second thought, Minnesota doesn’t have many holes to fill (other than QB), and they could use an upgrade at receiver. I take back half my flippancy. But only half, you should have traded down.

6:38- Good pick by Baltimore, give your overrated QB some protection, open up some holes for your overrated running back and ride out your aging defense until they’re all in wheelchairs.

6:41- The Greg Oden of the NFL draft in terms of humility, I think Baltimore is feeling satisfied with the pick.

6:43- Two Rebels taken in a row, I guess them flattening Texas Tech in the bowl game makes sense now.

6:47- Vontae Davis out of Illinois going to Miami. Man, what a change of scenery. I give it about six months before he’s caught in a hotel room with three hookers and an eight ball.

6:51-Breaking news: New England is looking to drop out of the first round. It’s hard to tell Eric Mangini won three Super Bowls in there.

6:55- Green Bay takes…A miscellaneous USC defender. Is it just me or is there an abundance of white defensive players going early this year? Not that it matters, but we’ve seen more biker haircuts than semi-shaved heads and it’s unsettling.

7:00- What the hell was that?

7:02- Is Indy taking Donald Brown over Chris Wells? Well I’ll be. He looked a lot more badass sitting by himself than he did with his parents. It looks like he lives in Matt Saracen’s grandmother’s house. And really, are we down on Joseph Addai right already? Is that the career span now for running backs before they cut you like a dog? Three years? Whatever, I wouldn’t touch either of them in fantasy.

7:04- Did Buffalo need help with offensive line? I guess after the trade with Philly they did, but this seems like a team that’s destined for mediocrity. Who stands out on their roster? Yeah, I don’t know either.

7:06- Giants on the clock. They have a void that needs filled, but I can’t recall what it is. Was it discussed in the news? I seem to remember hearing something about their corner backs. I guess we’ll see.

7:10- New York does the logical thing and takes the best player at the position they’re desperate at in Hakeem Nicks. I’ve mentioned my proclivity for him earlier, but he’s a little short for what they need. Have of their offense was after Eli Manning held onto the ball for too long, he would loft up a hail Mary for 35+ yards and 30% time it would work. Still, they could have done a lot worse.

7:14- Tennessee on the clock, and what kind of odds are we giving them to make the playoffs? 10-1? A small market team with a 40 year-old quarterback who just lost (arguably) the best defensive player in the league last year. All six teams aren’t returning, they’re probably the least likely to return.

7:16- Tennessee, if you do not intend on trading Chris Wells, then just don’t draft him. You’re one of like five teams in the NFL that doesn’t need another running back. Find a defensive presence and move on.

7:19- Kenny Britt, for some reason when I look at this guy I see Reggie Brown. Still, it makes more sense for them than another running back, though I doubt LenDale White averaged more than 35 ypg last season. When he did break that, the bench broke out the oxygen mask. Because he’s fat, you see.

7:24- Chris Wells going to Arizona, seems like a good fit for all around. Is this first round about over? I’e anticipated seeing where he’s going to go and it took so long that I eventually lost interest.

7:27- I like it, Arizona just took a lot of pressure off their 40 year-old quarterback, and now they can keep defenses honest. Deadly. The Arizona Cardinals are deadly. It’s eighty degrees out, but I’m pretty sure it’s about to start snowing.

7:32- Alright, one more pick and we can get the fuck out of here. And its…Ziggy Hood. Damn right. I think. I wouldn’t put to much stock into someone whose name could be identical to the team mascot.

There it is, your first round of the 2009 NFL draft. Riveting. Back next week for something a little more faux-insightful. That’s what we do best around here.

Before we get to the second part of our three-part draft preview, I think it’s imperative that we be the fourth entity to bring you the news that Tony Gonzalez is being traded to the Atlanta Falcons for a second round draft pick in 2010. In other words, the Falcons are getting an inarguable top five tight end (and some would say top three) in the league for a pick in next year’s draft. If you look at the upcoming NFL season and the continually depleting rosters in the NFC, Atlanta is starting to look more and more appealing at 20/1 odds to win the Super Bowl.

Also, some bad news for Carolina fans, Jake Delhomme has been resigned to a four year extension, presumably to take your chances of making it to the Super Bowl in 2010. Luckily, this is the NFL and ownership doesn’t have to honor their contracts. Phew, Bullet: dodged.

Following up on our favorite picks for immediate impact fantasy rookies in 2009, we bring you several players we’d advise veering away from. It isn’t that these players are hopeless, just that all things being equal, they have so many question marks around them either on or off the field, that it is difficult to be overly confident in their performance. We don’t have many of these because we aren’t keen on shitting all over some kids before they even play a down, but for varying reasons we’d advise looking for greener pastures. Just like yesterday this is all pending on who drafts them, but we have to write something, and listed speculation is easier than paragraph form speculation. I mean, better. It’s better than paragraph form speculation.

Marc Sanchez
Has there been a player that has skyrocketed quicker and higher in draft stock simply by default than Mark Sanchez? I saw him play live in SoCal for the Ohio State game, and while he looked impressive then and against Penn State he was decidedly mediocre the rest of the season. Sure, he could be Carson Palmer. But he could also be Matt Leinart of John David Booty, the latter of which he couldn’t even beat out of the starting position in 2008. So, congrats on beating up on an weary and banged up OSU team and an under-tooled and overrated Penn State team, but we still have our doubts that you warrant all this attention. If I’m Washington, I’m giving Jason Campbell one more year and waiting for something better to come along, and if I’m the Jets I’m waiting to see if Josh Freeman is available with my mid-first rounder or taking a chance with another 2nd or 3rd rounder, and banking on the fact that Clemens might look a little better now that the line has some reps under its belt.

Michael Crabtree
Man, I heard an interview on Scott Van Pelt’s radio show earlier this week and it’s impossible to not root for this kid if you don’t root for UT. He’s college football’s version of JT from the current season of Survivor. But that knee injury he sustained playing fucking Baylor is known to be career ending, not to mention he played in the Big twelve, inarguably the worst defensive conference in the country and in a system offense that caters to the passing game (roughly 75% of their offensive plays were through the air). If the argument against every single Texas Tech quarterback is that they play under a favorable and misleading offensive system, we don’t know why this doesn’t apply to receivers as well. Needless to say, as entertaining as he was too watch during the 2008 college football season, we have our doubts as to whether or not he will pan out as an efficient pro. Cleveland fans should be ecstatic that they’ve already said they aren’t drafting him.

Percy Harvin
And it’s not even the failed marijuana test. Well, that’s not helping. But it’s just the cloud of negativity that seems to surround this kid. He’s undersized, he’s injury prone, he doesn’t get along with his teammates, and now he has failed a drug test. Personally, and I really doubt I’m alone in these sentiments, I could give a shit that he smokes weed. In fact I even encourage it, assuming it serves as a stress reliever. It’s that he knew it was coming, got stoned and failed to beat the drug test. Now, this either wreaks of arrogance or sheer idiocy. The latter would imply that he smoked, knew he would get caught and was indifferent to the potential consequences because he figured there wouldn’t be any. The former implies that he smoked, and either failed to mask his indiscretion properly or simply failed to remember the pending drug test. Admittedly I felt differently about him in January, but whatever the reason for him failing that drug test, it isn’t particularly flattering.

Brian Robiskie
This just comes from personal experience. We’ve been to roughly…five OSU games on average since Robiskie started getting regular playing time. And to say he lacks quickness is to say Peyton Manning lacks mobility. He has no breakaway speed, is seemingly incapable of bailing out his quarterback and lacks a penchant for inspired play. Not once did he make a play in a close game or when they were facing a considerable deficit. In short, when the best thing you can say about a receiver is that he’s bigger than average, it isn’t an encouraging sign. That isn’t all necessarily his fault, but it’s enough of one for me to avoid taking him on the first day. My guess is he won’t see any playing time this season, so you won’t have to worry about him from a fantasy perspective.

Pat White
Not that he’s highly touted or anything and he did have a superb college career (would have played in a national title game in 2007 if he didn’t leave halfway through the last game of the season), but any quarterback that relied that heavily in college on the running game isn’t going to amount to much in the NFL. The best precedent for this is Kordell Stewart, but the more likely outcome is someone along the lines of Michael Robinson (San Fransisco) or Brad Smith (NY Jets). Not they’re completely responsible (or, at all), but neither of those teams made the playoffs.

Rhett Bomar
Long story short: If you play at Sam Houston State and are the fifth rated quarterback by Mel Kiper, you’re going to make a list like this one.

Chase Daniel/Graham Harrell
For the same reason we’re not particularly fond of Mr. Crabtree, but to an even more confident extent. Both of these guys are under-sized and ill-equipped to adapt to the NFL. We’d have more confidence in Chase Daniel, and Drew Brees would be the reason for that. But Brees was an almost unflappable quarterback at Purdue and lacked an offensive weapon like Jeremy Maclin. We’re rooting for both of them just because everyone seems almost gleeful that they won’t measure up to the pros like they did the college ranks, but we’re just as pessimistic as everyone is hostile.

Alright, our late bloomers coming tomorrow, we’re still deliberating live-blogging the first couple rounds of the NFL draft, we’ll let you know tomorrow.

As we’ve stated a number of times but have failed to follow through on, we have every intention of doing an extensive NFL draft preview from a fantasy football perspective. This seemed like a great idea until it dawned on us, there isn’t anything particularly interesting about this draft other than how underwhelming all the prospective picks appear to be (especially at the skill positions). So we put a halt to our detailed rundown of everyone available in favor of a three day, three post preview: Players who are most likely to impact the 2009-2010 season, players to stay away from and players who could be late bloomers.

In other words, we’ll do a post for running backs, quarterbacks and then receivers respectively. Or at least that’s how we anticipate this panning out. We haven’t looked into any of it up until this point, but for the sake of professionalism we’ll try to read a draft preview from someone who actually gives a shit about any of this. So, without further ado, here’s your 2009 NFL draft fantasy football preview. As I see it, there are about five players that, depending on where they land*, have an opportunity to have a significant positive impact for their new teams this season. We actually did this a few months ago out of desperation for something to write about, but we’ve made a few omissions and additions based on information that has recently surfaced. Here they are in no particular order.

*This is a caveat for everything we’ve just written and are about to write over the next couple of days, and why we decided against getting too crazy with our preview, considering we’re speculating on how someone will produce statistically two drafts from now (the one on Sunday and yours in August).

Jason Smith
Obviously I didn’t watch much Baylor football this year, because I live in Ohio and if I wanted to pollute my field of vision there are plenty of MAC teams available that I don’t need ESPN Gameplan for. But this kid, much like Joe Thomas, Jake Long, D’Brickshaw Ferguson and countless others before them, Jason Smith is going to make an immediate impact. If I were the Lions I wouldn’t hesitate drafting him over Matthew Stafford, who the Lions seem to have enough questions about since they haven’t offered him a contract yet. If Smith is taken by the Lions, Calvin Johnson will be the most impacted by it, just like the receivers and running backs for any team that were to take Smith. Immediately move Johnson or any stud receiver that happens to be on the team that drafts Smith up ten spots in your rankings if this is too happen…

Matthew Stafford
…All that said, regardless of where Matthew Stafford lands, he’ll probably start immediately and be a significant improvement over his predecessor. I’m not proclaiming a Matt Ryan like rookie season, but he’s of sound character, has a strong arm and will almost undoubtedly be a deep-ball passer before anything else. Right now if I were the Lions, I would take Smith over Stafford because the Lions line is terrible, and Stafford is basically stationary (They would be better off taking Smith with the first pick, then hoping Freeman falls to their second first round pick or gambling in a later round with a quarterback). Whereas with Freeman you get a little more mobility for a team whose line is still going to be fairly Green even with Smith, and you’re investing less money in a smaller gamble.

Chris Wells
For the first time since he arrived on a national stage, Chris Wells looks healthy and brimming with optimism. If you listen to any draft analysis –which God knows there is plenty of — the rap on him is always that he’s one of the three most talented players in the draft but also injury prone; and he doesn’t respond well to the injuries. There is some truth to that, but he’s the type of player that went to college because the NFL basically forces you too. He knew he was lottery bound from the second he stepped on the field in Massilon, OH. And since the team around him could never seem to execute when it mattered, as much as it pains me to say, I can understand him screwing the pooch (intentionally or unintentionally) in some cases and using his nagging injuries as an excuse. But still, look at footage of him in the 2008 Sugar Bowl, does that look like someone who’s incapable of performing? Oh, and do you know who else was generally lauded as uber-talented but prone to injury coming out of college? Adrian Peterson. As we all know, the Vikings are really regretting that pick.

Jeremy Maclin
The lone receiver on this list. He’s healthy, he’s big and he’s fucking fast, so why isn’t he as highly touted as Michael Crabtree, who’s coming off a horrendous knee injury? If you’ve watched a Missouri play a football game in the past two seasons, and there’s a very good chance that you haven’t, you would know what I am referring too. Of course, he played at Missouri, which means he played in the Big twelve and generally had superior talent around him. That could be skewing my perception of Maclin, akin to that of every skill player to come out of USC in the past seven or eight years, but I think he will live up to the lottery status.

LeSean McCoy
The running back out of Pittsburgh, he’s the right mix of speed and durability that seems to be all the rage with NFL running backs these days (Maurice Jones-Drew, DeAngelo Williams, etc.). Now, he’s coming from Pittsburgh, who plays in the big east, and the entire conference was pretty underwhelming. But his running style tends to translate well at any level of play. And besides, he’s a running back. If he can stay healthy he’ll play long enough for anyone to even remember he played for Pitt. Just ask any casual observer of the NFL if they know where Larry Fitzgerald played his college ball at.

Five players you want your NFL and fantasy teams to steer clear of tomorrow.

Man, there is just nothing going on in NFL free agency. At least nothing that pertains to fantasy. I could delve into great detail about the Samoas ice cream I ate this weekend and it would have more relevance to this website than Chris Canty going to the Giants. Basically, there just isn’t much happening.

So as a result, I’m going to prematurely bust out our top five fantasy prospects in the 2009 draft. Now, since this is fantasy prospects, it consists mainly of skill positions. For as good as Malcolm Jenkins might be, his impact on the upcoming NFL season will be minimal at best. So yeah, a fourth round running back is very likely to be rated higher than Aaron Curry.

Also, we’ll do some variation of this leading up to the draft. For example, top five current NFL players that will be positively and negatively effected by the incoming class. It won’t be everyday but hopefully we aren’t just regurgitating some shit you already heard somewhere else.*

Without further ado, here Talking Fantasy Football’s top five fantasy impact players of the 2009 draft. We would like to point out that since we’re doing this so early it is subject to change.

1) Chris Wells
Yeah, he’s injury prone but he’s the perfect mix of size and speed that is just lethal in the NFL, and makes him suited for goal line carries and and to be an every down back. Even in games where Ohio State lost on a national stage (most notably the BCS Title game against LSU), Wells produced numbers that virtually any other team could figure out how to establish a win. It is all circumstantial as to what team he goes too (this website has him going to the Eagles and god help the rest of the NFC East and Westbrook owners if that happens, but the same website also has Ray Maualuga being an Ohio State alumnist, so take it with a grain of salt), but I’m going to be inclined to take him earlier than I should if he ends up with any team that isn’t the Lions or a team that already has two suitable running backs.

2) LeSean McCoy
I know Moreno is the standard favorite here, but he is rated higher and will most likely end up in a less impressive offense. There is a good chance that McCoy ends up on the Broncos, and since they haven’t had any better than a utility back since Clinton Portis left, I like McCoy, whose numbers are all the more impressive when you consider he played for Pitt, to contribute immensely. In fact, if he does end up on the Broncos you can bump him in front of Beanie Wells.

3) Jeremy Maclin
Yeah, our highest rated receiver is here by default, because Michael Crabtree would be the top rated player outright if it wasn’t for his injury (don’t know if he’ll ever be the same after that fateful afternoon against fucking Baylor). So here’s Maclin, who the same website linked above has going to the Raiders. And, I hate to break it to everyone (including myself), but Russell was starting to look like an actual pro quarterback at the end of last season. If he has a legitimate target better than Ron Curry (whose story we like but lets be honest, is not a legitimate #1 receiver), Oakland might actually surprise some people if they don’t blow up the team three games into the season.

(Side note: We may have mentioned it before, but what were they thinking not drafting Calvin Johnson if they knew they were going to trade Randy Moss later in the day in the 2007 draft? I know I just said Russell was starting to look credible, but Johnson will be the best receiver in the league in 2010, an average quarterback can look quite spectacular with that kind of weapon).

4) Percy Harvin
He’s undersized and also had numerous bouts with injury, but holy shit is he fast. If nothing else, he’ll be a factor on special teams and if he ends up with the Colts, Broncos, of Chargers (though they’re probably sour on the whole Gator receiver experience after the Chad Johnson debacle), he is going to be absolutely lethal in the Wes Welker role at the slot. I know they might feel inclined to draft a running back or go defense, but if San Diego takes Harvin and he stay healthy, they’re going to have an explosive offense.

5) Shonn Green
Alright, so maybe this isn’t our out and out top five impact players in the draft, because this is understandably a dark horse, but he’s a dark horse for all the wrong reasons. Most notably a marginal combine performance. But watching this kid tear apart the Big Ten and carry an average Iowa team to the conferences only bowl victory (and the Doak Walker winner for the nations best running back), I have to just assume he’s going to be an asset for whoever drafts him. He may not have the best forty, but he’s elusive, sees the field and hits the gaps in the defensive line better than anyone I saw all year (and that includes Wells). You probably do not need to draft him in fantasy football, but stay extremely attentive to what happens to his team’s running back situation and look to scoop him up, especially if one of his peers sustains injury.

Alright, that’s probably it for today. Back with more later.

*=We’re fully aware that’s exactly what we’re doing.