Fantasy Football

I really have no idea what to make of this team. My initial instinct is to assume they’re going to be terrible, and history has proven that this in all likelihood this is a safe assumption. But then you hear people like John Clayton claiming that they should be a playoff contender this season, and then you remember that even though Carson Palmer is a shell of what he used to be, he’s also a tangible improvement over Ryan Fitzpatrick. So which way do we lean?

Obviously this is all contingent on the team staying free, but I have a difficult time believing it. For starters, lets look at what they did in the off-season. They drafted a talented yet head case offensive lineman out of Alabama in Andre Smith, whom apparently has a difficult time with states initials. Smith has potential but certainly isn’t a sure thing, mostly because he’s emblematic of all the off-the-field issues the Bengals have dealt with and often overlooked. Needless to say, it isn’t exactly a winning formula. The second round they took Ray Malaluga out of USC, and that is arguably the best value pick in the draft.

As far as players we can count on making an impact, I’d give them a solid B- (not exactly setting the world on fire but there’s a lot of hope wrapped up in these two). In free agency they kind of took it on the chin losing TJ Houshmenzadeh, who decided playing under the overcast skies in a weaker division back home was better than playing under the overcast skies in Ohio. Jury’s still out

The Bengals, on top of being shortsighted and poorly managed, have caught a number of bad breaks. There was the neck injury to first round pick David Pollack that ended his career, Rudi Johnson falling into irrelevancy and most importantly, Carson Palmer busting his knee to shit and sitting out two full seasons in the past four years. It’s hard to blame the Bengals for any of this, but at the same time they’ve wasted a number of picks and made numerous front office moves in the interest of making a buck as opposed to actually winning (note: these things aren’t always mutually exclusive).

It’s tough to say what their game plan will be as the offensive line is depleted. I imagine since they haven’t made much of an effort to acquire any new running backs (Benson, Perry, Watson is the current pecking order according to ESPN), the passing game is going to be the primary weapon. But obviously the offensive line is still integral for that to work, and you just traded your best receiver (Housh) and replaced him with my dead grandfather’s brother (Laveranues Coles). I, for one, would brace myself for another disappointing season if I’m a Bengals fan, and thankfully I’m not.

Can’t Miss (or for what one can reasonably expect): As skeptical as I am that Coles can in any way hold a candle to Houshmenzadeh, the Bengals are going to air it out this season because they lack any other options. And since he is there second receiver, you can probably get good value out of him, most likely in the early teens. Carson Palmer is probably a suitable starter, but if you can get him as a backup in the 8th or 9th and use him as trade bait if he produces, that would be the ideal play. And last but not least, if he can afford another strike on his record, I think Henry is the most viable weapon they have right now. Again, he should be around later than he has any business being.

Tread Lightly: Do not, under any rationale, draft this defense. Same goes for the running backs, the tight end and whoever else isn’t a receiver or Carson Palmer. We’d be pretty bearish on Chad Johnson as well, since he’s going to be rated higher than anyone else at wide out on this team and I don’t see him producing much more than Henry or Coles.

Dark Horses: There really aren’t any. I can’t recommend any running backs because it’s a complete fucking toss-up who they’re going to play and why. Maybe they want to prove Perry was worth that first round pick, maybe they think Benson can improve the streak he was on at the end of 2008, maybe they want to keep miles off both of them and play Kenny Watson. Basically, all your dark horses are in the “can’t miss” section of this post, and that’s never a good sign.

At least you’re not the Browns, Cincy fans; you’ve actually been to a couple Super Bowls. Just don’t expect to revisit one anytime soon. On the bright side you still have a couple viable fantasy players to over-draft so you can pretend to still give a shit about this team, on the downside, you’re not going to be a playoff contender until well after those players are gone, as your team’s issues seem to be systemic, and seem to extend beyond whatever personnel that system is working with.

Tomorrow: The one and only Cleveland Browns. Ugh, we might wait until Monday so as we’re not driving to Chicago in tears.

They stole the Super Bowl.

Haha, good one, Browns fans. Because they’re called the Steelers, I get it. You guys are priceless. If it wasn’t for the insecurity of Browns fans, I don’t think I’d ever recognize what a superbly ran organization the Pittsburgh Steelers are while living in Ohio. So I guess I owe you one, Cleveland.

Really, I shouldn’t pile on. People talk about how lopsided the Yankees-Red Sox rivalry (used) to be (it still is, just in the opposite direction now). But the Yankees, for all their bravado, have some stints of futility in their past and before 2004 I believe the Red Sox at least went to a few World Series’ since their last win in 1918 or whenever it was (my apologies, I don’t really give a shit).

But with the Browns and Steelers, the disparity could only be greater if Cleveland swapped places with the Lions. Pittsburgh has won more Super Bowls than any other franchise (6) and are prime to continue dominating the division, the Browns were a no show coming off their first promising season since the 80’s (2007) and are staring down the barrel of another season of hopelessness and defeat.

I could go on and on about the glaring success ratio between these two franchises in the Super Bowl era, but really it’s because the Steelers are that good, more so than the Browns are that bad. However, that’s coming from a real world perspective, the Browns arguably have a better crop of fantasy players, and it’s for a couple reasons: 1) Pittsburgh rarely has two dominant seasons in a row but they rarely have a losing one, but they usually follow up a playoff season with something just north or south of .500. Let’s look at their record for the last seven years:

2002: 10-5-1, win wild card game and lose in divisional round.
2003: 6-10, miss playoffs
2004: 15-1, lose in conference title game to veteran savvy Patriots.
2005: 11-5, won the Super Bowl as a wild card by winning a couple of the flukier playoff games in NFL history by beating an over-confident Colts team in the divisional round and a to this day pissed off about the officiating Seahawks team in the Super Bowl.
2006: 8-8, miss playoffs
2007: 10-6, lose in the first round to Jacksonville
2008: 12-4, win Super Bowl against a 9-7 Cardinals team that caught fire at the right time.

And 2) They’ve won more Super Bowls than any other franchise, but the two I’ve seen them win they’ve been beneficiaries of circumstance. Mostly the other team choked or their were a plethora of injuries that weakened their primary opponents for those titles. If you look at the aforementioned list, 2008 saw Indianapolis teeter along until they finally had to play a legit team in a late blooming Chargers squad, a New England team that lost the best player in the league in week 1 and a Chargers team that lost the best defensive player in the league and never really came together.

That was their chief competition last year. Oh, and a Titans team that lost Albert Haynesworth for the playoffs and had Kerry Collins at quarterback. In 2005 they were a six seed, played an always overrated but more so than usual because everyone was telling them how great they were Colts team, and the second best offense in the Bengals, whose pro-bowl quarterback went down with a career-altering knee injury on the first offensive snap of the game.

All I’m saying is this team is by no means a sure thing for fantasy or league purposes. They’re erratic offensively and tend to rely on the defense a little too much. I’d put more confidence in the Patriots offense, and their catalyst is coming off of season ending leg surgery.

Can’t Miss (for what one could reasonably expect): All that said, they’ve only played under Mike Tomlin for the past two seasons and they are considerably more prone to the passing game under him than they were under Cowher. Ben Roethlisberger, Santonio Holmes, Hines Ward, probably still Willie Parker and (it goes without saying) the defense are suitable fantasy starters from the Steelers. Just consult your local draft board to know where to take them at.

Tread Lightly: I’ve always liked Heath Miller. In fact I still do. In terms of raw talent I think he’s second only to Kellen Winslow, and even then he lacks the component that makes one a fucking headache in the locker room. But Tomlin simply does not like to regularly incorporate his tight end in the passing game. If there are other positions that you feel take priority then fine, put Miller in as your starter and call it a day. But if you can at all help it, do not be fooled by his flash.

Dark Horses: Rashard Mendenhall. He had some problems holding onto the football, but with tiny and quickly aging (like all NFL running backs) Willie Parker, I still have confidence in Mendenhall’s pro-prospects. Limas Sweed is another could be fantasy steal that I like, but to a significantly lesser extent. In fact, if he’s productive on a consistent basis, it probably won’t be until at least the  middle of the season. You should definitely hold off on drafting him, but either Sweed or Dallas Baker are going to be regular contributors on this offense.

So there you have it. The Steelers instill confidence and trepidation all at the same time. This is partly due to their playing style and partly to their players. None of them other than Parker have ever shown any regular fantasy prowess. They have a lot of budding stars, but no top 30 picks. In a parity driven league that makes for a Super Bowl contender, but like everything else involving the NFL, it’s nothing more than a crapshoot.

Back tomorrow with an overview of perennial fantasy wasteland: The Baltimore Ravens.

Rounding out the AFC East is the Buffalo Bills, the lone small market team in the NFL’s two eastern divisions, and there lack of appeal to free agents and coach’s is demonstrated in their record. On top of being the only small market in the eastern divisions, they double as the only of the eight to endure a losing record in 2008. 7-9, it’s not like they were a laughing stock, but they are definitely out-matched amongst their peers. That said, the Bills are hopeful heading into 2009. I happen to disagree, but we’ll get to that later.

Obviously one precursor to this new found hope is the arrival of Terrell Owens. This is an odd free agency pickup for a couple reasons. For starters, Owens isn’t exactly a rust belt kind of guy, and that’s what the Bills thrive on. There is almost no question that he’ll resent playing there. Secondly, Buffalo doesn’t really need a receiver, particularly not one as problematic as Owens can be. But simultaneously it makes sense, both parties are in a state of desperation. Buffalo needs to make money and show their fans they’re serious about contending, after a promising 5-1 start, Buffalo finished the last eleven weeks 2-8. And TO needs Buffalo since, honestly, no one else wants him.

Buffalo should have really reconsidered as well. Right now the only news that having Owens on their team is garnering pertains to The Superstars, and some would argue quite reasonably that this is just the beginning of the sideshow. We’ve all seen the spectacle that is the Eagles, the Niners and — to a much lesser extent — the Cowboys, why the Bills think they’re immune or foolish enough to hope that he’s grown out of it, is unknown to me.

Can’t Miss (for what one could reasonably expect): Marshawn Lynch has all the makings of a fantasy stud (high draft, pick, reasonable offensive line, improving passing game & one of the last few backs who isn’t giving up a significant percentage of carries to a teammate), but he’s been unreliable for a solid two seasons now. Some would attribute that to a lackluster passing game and bringing Owens should open up some running lanes. Third round or lower, there are better prospects on better teams for at least 25 picks. Also a primary beneficiary of Owens’ arrival: Lee Evans. He’s been moved to second option but with his expectations diminished he’ll probably finally live up to them. Congrats, Lee.

Tread Lightly: Trent Edwards. He just hasn’t showed any promise, and I don’t know why they weren’t in the Cutler sweepstakes more than they were. Lee Evans and Josh Reed are serviceable, and a damn site better than what Cutler had in Denver. If I’m not mistaken they took themselves out of the bidding because of all the rumors circulating that he was a headcase, but yet they brought in Terrell Owens. I have no idea either. He has some weapons around him, but then again he’s always had weapons at his disposal. With two brand new offensive lineman, I could see it being a slow start, if not an entirely disappointing season.

Dark Horses: The defense should be strong and a potential starter on your fantasy team and a perfectly reasonable backup. I know I have a tendency to worry about how a defense can be hampered by a bad offense, but Buffalo seems to know there limitations (as evidenced and countered by the Owens signing). Fred Jackson, who’s a solid backup that the team seemed to grow in confidence with as the season went along, brings a lot to the table. Since he’s a second string running back, it could very well be worth your while to use a late, late round pick on him.

Anyways, as for Terrell himself, who is noticeably absent because he doesn’t fit any of these three molds, his personality combined with his age and seemingly diminishing star all make TO something of a leper in today’s NFL. Most aren’t as eccentric, old or talented, and our categorizing isn’t all that comprehensive so we didn’t really think to prepare for him. But we will say that if Owens is on your radar, be aware that in addition to all of the aforementioned reasons, they also lost their best offensive lineman (Jason Peters) to Philly in a trade and that Edwards is by far and away the worst quarterback he has ever played with professionally. Something to keep in mind is all.

Tomorrow we start our preview of the AFC North and the returning Super Bowl champion Pittsburgh Steelers.

This division probably had the most story-laden season in 2008, and the Jets are no exception. After a strong 8-3 start, they collapsed much in the same fashion that the Dolphins regathered, losing four of the next five and completely missing the playoffs by a mile (with today’s NFL standards). Somehow the Jets managed to pin this all on Eric Mangini, who seems to have an unusual coaching style, but knows how to coach a winning franchise.

This, of course, was the fault of Brett Favre, whose managed to turn into the Steve Francis of the NFL. For the uninitiated, that means he’s a coach killer. So Mangini gets fired, Favre retires to make a spectacle out of trying to garner the interest of the Vikings and the team trades up to draft a top five QB and we get someone named Rex Ryan as a head coach. In short, it’s a total fucking mystery what their offense is going to look like. I would suggest you look at their offensive productivity for 2007, the year before they had Favre, give the offensive line two more years of improvement, take away Laverneus Coles and replace Kellen Clemens with Marc Sanchez, a rookie quarterback out of USC who couldn’t beat out John David Booty for the starting position, and he’s a third string backup for the worst QB team in the league.

Can’t Miss (for what one could reasonably expect): Well, there aren’t many of these that the Jets roster is sporting. It’s going to revolve around a unqualified or rookie quarterback, a pedestrian receiving corps, a serviceable running game and a loaded offensive line. Thomas Jones is probably the closest you’re going to get to a sure thing on this team, and even he is going to share a number of carries with Leon Washington and rookie third round draft pick Shonn Greene, who we’ve praised before and we feel is likely to get at least a small share of carries throughout the season.

Tread Lightly: Every receiver that plays a down for this team. You can probably get Jerricho Cotchery at good value, but with the options he has throwing to him, do you really want to take that chance before the season starts? Same goes for Chansi Stuckey, who was hot and cold for every single game last season, and more often than not he reflected the latter.

Dark Horses: Dustin Keller is probably the most popular fit for this category, but I like Shonn Grenne, as I have my doubts about Jones’ body holding up for two full straight seasons and Leon Washington’s capacity as an every down back. Keller is certainly a definitive prospect, but I’d make sure I draft another tight end before I put too much stock into him coming off a season wherein he was playing with a Favre, a quarterback known for his penchant for throwing to tight ends (Mark Chumura, Bubba Franks, Donald Lee, etc.).

Even this defense, which is pretty star-studded can’t be relied on. How many turnovers are they going to have to suffer from the offense? What style of offense can we expect Ryan to run? I’m sure it will emphasize moving the ball on the ground, but will the passing game be sufficient enough to keep opposing defenses honest?

In short, there are just too many question marks on this team that all stem from their quarterback situation. Mark Sanchez might be the next John Elway, but I imagine even the most optimistic and loyal Trojan and Jets fans have their reservations. My advice — for this entire roster, really –
is to under-shoot everyone by about two rounds, and if any of them are still available try to get them at value. But if they’re taken earlier than they should be, just regard it as a more valuable asset staying on the board for one more pick.

The New England Patriots are unique in that no matter how many years they go without winning a Super Bowl, they’re always the favorite going into the season. And deservedly so. The best player (Brady) combined with the best coach (Belichick, despite what South Park may see) and the best front office (assuming Pioli wasn’t responsible for everything), tends to make a successful franchise, and with the exception of the San Antonio Spurs, no one has been more successful the past decade than the Pats in all of professional sports (spare me, Red Wings fans).

With this caliber of succcess tends to come a plethora of fantasy options, even though their offense hasn’t been all that blistering in their three Super Bowls, but that all changed with the acquisition of Randy Moss, who attracts a double team on every play and still produces as much as any receiver in the league. People have been expressing their doubts about the Patriots in 2009, given the age and recent injury issues they’ve endured, but should they remain healthy, there’s no reason they won’t produce just like they did in 2007.

Can’t Miss (for what one would reasonably expect): Tom Brady, Randy Moss, Wes Welker. All three of these guys, in no particular order, are almost invaluable. You could draft all three of them and be competitive. Brady should get his touchdowns with two pro-bowl receivers and both receivers are still the primary targets for the best quarterback in the league. We have no idea what the recovery process will be like for Brady, but it seems more likely that there isn’t one than if he never comes back to full-form. Obviously this entire operation hinges on his well-being, if he isn’t in good health than everyone else is rendered mediocre. But we’re confident the wheels aren’t coming loose just yet.

Tread Lightly: Laurence Maroney, Kevin Faulk, Fred Taylor. The first is injury prone, the second is aging and the third is over the hill. If Maroney stays healthy then he should prove to be a valuable prospect, and Faulk has some absolutely monster games in his absence last season, but we get the impression that carries are going to be pretty evenly spread, and none of them are going to be consistent fantasy performers. It would seem that the Patriots have taken to the Shannahan mode of running back play, and that’s not good for any of us. I’d also be weary of Joey Galloway, who’s going to be in the Dante Stallworth 2007 role, and while it looks and sounds promising, it’s good for one breakout play every three games.

Dark Horses: Benjamin Watson. If they’re as pass happy as they were two years ago, then Watson is always a viable option. If not, then he turns into another utility player, and they have at least four or five of those at skill positions.

All told, the real breakout performer for fantasy football from this team might be the defense. If they’re able to stifle opposing offenses like they were during the Super Bowl years, Belichick may not feel compelled to force the issue on offense, which means a lot of running out the clock and a lot of sitting with a comfortable but not record-breaking lead. You know they still want redemption for the 2008 Super Bowl against the Giants, that is the optimum goal here. And whenever a team this talented is going to be this hungry, I like them as a mainstay fantasy destination in my draft.

For tomorrow: The New York Jets

Instead of doing this randomly, we decided to list these according to the final standings in our local newspaper. The AFC East is at the top, and Miami squeaked out the division with a Big East like schedule, so we’re starting with the overly celebrated Dolphins, who now call Land Shark Lager stadium home.

The 2008 Dolphins, as you are probably well aware if you’re reading this site, are responsible for the biggest single season turn around in NFL history, going from 1-15 in 2007 to 11-5 and AFC divisional champs in 2008. Say what you will about their schedule (like I just did) or their luck (Brady going out in week 1, the Jets unforeseen collapse), a ten game turnaround in a sixteen game season is remarkable. The problem is, however, that they did this without any central focus on the offensive end. With the exception of Ronnie Brown, every player was interchangeable from a statistical output.

Whether it was Greg Camarillo or Ted Ginn or Ricky Williams or anyone else, the Dolphins opted for schematics in lieu of star power (a common and intelligent trend right now in the NFL). The bad news is their fantasy options are limited, even Ronnie Brown went for a biscuit over 900 and ten touchdowns, far from a top twenty pick. The good news is they provide a lot of options for a ten person league in bye-weeks. If you can manage it, drafting all your players with differing off-weeks from the Dolphins (or at least enough so that Miami’s players can spell you) and pick up a couple of these henchmen they’ve accumulated, it’s as good as you can plan on doing.

Can’t Miss (for what one can realistically expect): Ronnie Brown. Injuries have taken him out of his prime earlier than he should have been, but between Ricky Williams and the wildcat formation, Brown has as much mid-round potential as anyone, and the likelihood he is re-injured is slim. I also like Ted Ginn, though I’d recommend taking him after you’ve already filled all your starter spots. Unless Pennington gets a Popeye arm when he eats spinach, it’s still not strong enough to keep up with Ginn. Also, the defense. Bill Parcells will always assemble a competent defense, and their projected status of 12-15 overall in the league is more than appropriate.

Tread Lightly: Like we said, expectations are fairly low for pretty much everyone on this team. But I’d recommend staying away from Pennington, Williams & Bess. Pennington, for all his second in MVP voting hype, is really nothing more than a backup QB on a fantasy team, and even then you can find better. Williams, sorry to say, is something of a has been, and his productivity is only going to fall from last year to 2009. He’ll have a couple good games that might entice you to acquire him off free agency should he be available, but don’t rush him into a starter spot, if Brown is healthy he’s bound to disappoint. If you actually know who Davone Bess is and want to know why you shouldn’t draft him, let me know and I’ll offer an explanation.

Dark Horses: Anthony Fasano and Greg Camarillo. Fasano is a perfectly suitable tight end and could have a surprising, Owen Daniels-like season if he can garner some attention from the powers that be. Camarillo was showing flashes of brilliance last night until he went out for the season in week twelve and missed five games. In 10.5 games he had 55 catches and two touchdowns, almost tailor-made for backup status.

That pretty much covers everyone except for the rookies, and the best you’re getting from this draft class is Patrick Turner, a wide receiver out of USC who I would guess won’t be any better than Camarillo or Ginn, and probably on par with Bess if he gets the playing time. The highest you can take Brown is probably the fourth round, anything after that is fine. Everyone else on this team, because the construct of the team, has warning flags pouring out of their ass.

Tomorrow: the New England Patriots

Alright, this is getting incredibly tedious looking for headlines to offer big picture perspectives on here. So I think starting tomorrow we’re going to start breaking down every team from a fantasy perspective: who to draft where, who to avoid when, dark horses and busts, the whole nine. We’re going to try and write this from the perspective of the coach, and what strategies give the team the best chance of winning, because that’s going to dictate who accumulates the most statistical productivity. It seems like someone could actually benefit from such work, as opposed to me just looking for filler so this site doesn’t go on indefinite hiatus.

But anyhow, there are a couple news items that kinda sorta warrant mentioning, but I wouldn’t get too excited. This isn’t a fantasy football equivalent of Michael Jackson dying, it’s more like the lead singer of Good Charlotte springing his pinkie finger. Ugh, I’ve already spent too much time talking about this.

It’s a couple days old now, but Joe Jurevicius is suing the Cleveland Browns for the unsanitary conditions in their locker room that led to his and others staph infections (most notably Kellen Winslow). This really does raise some eyebrows, and the sanitation in the Browns locker room is a great metaphor for the general disarray of the franchise. But damn, Joe, it isn’t like this team doesn’t already have enough problems without you slapping them in the face with (at least on the surface of it) perfectly legitimate lawsuits.

Anyhow, if you’re looking for a fantasy angle from this story, how’s this: don’t draft any Cleveland Browns. Or if you have too, limit yourself to drafting them about three rounds later than the median of all the fantasy rankings you happen to read. There is always going to be someone more reliable at that point in the draft than who Cleveland has to offer.

LeSean McCoy and the Philadelphia Eagles have reached an agreement, which is good news for Philly fans who’ve needed a respectable backup running back ever since Deuce fucking Staley left town. With him safely in the number two slot, I’d be cautious about Brian Westbrook, who’s perennially listed on the probable/questionable board and can be seen limping during warm-ups on a weekly basis. With someone like McCoy to pick up the slack, they’re going to be a lot more conservative with Westbrook and a lot more liberal with McCoy.

That’s not to say Westbrook is in Cleveland Browns territory, not by a mile. But if all things are equal between him and, say, Michael Turner or Marshawn Lynch, I might opt for the alternatives. His fantasy reign has been tremendous, but I think this is when the Eagles start their transition, you might want to do the same.

Between the NBA draft, people actually caring about golf and tennis over the weekend and baseball garnering its usual headlines, the NFL is probably experiencing its quietest stint of the calendar year. Meaning, there isn’t much to write about. Not that there would be otherwise. The Patriots minicamp could be infiltrated with swine flu and it would be inconsequential to this site since it’s June.

But there’s a little news circulating, and it can pretty much all be found in this post on ESPN, and I’m just going to echo part of it and offer a little hack’s knowledge. Most notably from that little rundown, there are rumors that Beanie Wells is slow to come around in Arizona, and you shouldn’t over-draft him as right now he stands behind Tim Hightower and New York Mets pitcher Jason Wright*. I don’t have the same access as Tristan H. Cockcroft (which has to be an alias), but it seems a tad early in the preseason to be drawing such conclusions.

Apparently this is all happening not because he’s performed poorly, but because he wasn’t allowed to due to some odd rule that prevents rookies from working out with the teams that drafted them while their universities are in session. Since OSU is on quarters they run until early-mid June (most schools are on semesters, and end in early May), and Arizona starts there pre-season camps at some point before then.

So basically, what this news brief is saying, is that since Chris Wells wasn’t able to make practice in June due to some mitigating set of circumstances, as a first round draft pick he’ll be riding the bench playing third string and will only see PT when/if the Cardinals manage to blow anyone out. He’ll basically be filling Edgerrin James’ shoes except for being under-the-hill, he’ll be deemed unworthy of approaching it. Not to blow this out of proportion, but I wouldn’t buy this for a second. In fact, I don’t even know why I’m posting about it, because no one is ever going to remember Ken Wizzenhunt saying this when Wells is rushing for three touchdowns in week five against the Texans.

Assuming he stays healthy, I can’t think of a single, solitary reason Wells wouldn’t be starting by week three (and if they start slow, he’ll usurp Tim Hightower long before that). He’s runs a 4.5 at about 230 pounds, sees the opening in the line as well as anyone I’ve seen come through Ohio State, and has been playing to get in the NFL for the past two seasons (meaning he’s been indifferent to the games he’s been playing in lately). If you watched him play in college, your expectations should be pretty high. We’ve been carrying the Wells torch since January, but I don’t think this is clouding our judgment.

I’m not suggesting that Wells is infallible and that he’s an absolute surefire bet, because no one is. But the notion that Wells’ fantasy season is in jeopardy or his fantasy projection should be altered because he missed a couple practices in June seems a tad brash. If you’re looking for a reason to avoid Wells, then his constant stream of health issues (which I think he was overly cautious about to protect his NFL prospects), or his lack of breakaway speed or his tendency to get caught from behind (in college, no less). All of these are more valid concerns than his no show at a practice due to a league rule he has no control over, and one that will have no bearing on his game performance anyways.

*Not actually the pitcher for the Mets, but someone I’ve never heard of before.

We’ll see what the world brings us tomorrow.

You know, I write this blog and I feel like I am fairly apt in the trials and tribulations of the NFL and fantasy football. But truth be told, much like everyone else that writes about football either professionally or for recreation, I am very much a layman. Outside of a couple of summer workouts when I contemplated going out for receiver in high school, I’ve never played the game on a competitive level, never coached it, and when I post I usually prefer to keep this in mind: There’s a strong chance you’re embarrassingly wrong.

That said, when first your pro-bowl caliber quarterback, whose never had a problem with anyone in the organization, never complained about anyone in college despite him being heads and shoulders better than everyone else on his team, suddenly decides he wants to skip town because of a new coaching regime, I’m a little skeptical when the team claims he’s being too demanding.

But again, I’m not there. I have no idea what the circumstances are or how NFL front office politics work.

However, if a few months later your pro-bowl receiver who led the league in receptions last season decides he wants traded as well, then I think it’s safe to say you made a poor coaching hire. I know Brandon Marshall hasn’t exactly been a model citizen, but just like with Cutler, I don’t remember any of his teammates or Mike Shannahan having any complaints about him. I guess what I’m wondering (and the only thing that can save Josh McDaniels’ reputation before he even coach’s a single game) is if his two best players are/were disgruntled because they have personal/professional issues with McDaniels himself, or if they’re displeased with the firing of Shannahan in the first place.

The latter might make him a viable candidate down the road when he goes looking for another job (because he’s getting fired from this job in two years tops, and my prediction is by the end of the 2009 season) after this team goes 2-14 (if they’re lucky). Honestly, if you’re looking at the type of season the Broncos are staring at, you do not, under any circumstances, spend your first round pick on a running back. That was his first mistake, after isolating his two best weapons on the offensive end.

And you know what? Those two wins might be generous. Cutler and Marshall made that team respectable (they didn’t really blow that lead in the AFC West so much as they realized their talent level), and the team was offensively explosive with one of the ten worst running games in the league.  They had the second worst defense, and in just about any other year it would have been top dog, they just happened to exist simultaneously with the first ever 0-16 team in the history of the league. What are they going to look like with Kyle Orton as their starting QB and Eddie Royale as their biggest offensive threat? Shudder.

I suppose the good news for Broncos fans — other than the cheerleaders, of course — is that the turnover rate for playoff teams in the NFL is high. And so long as you can keep from becoming a permanent fixture in the cellar (Raiders, Lions, etc), you’re never that far removed from being in the playoffs. Problem is, I’m not so sure they aren’t closer to finding themselves amongst those teams than they are to making a wild card.

Back later with whatever may come across the ticker.

Alright, we took yesterday off because we thought billing was going to be done at work. But expecting anything at my work to go according to plan is like expecting a clean urine test from a Bengal. In other words, billing was pushed back to today and we were fully prepared to use it as an excuse to not post for 40% of the week. But there is actual news that seems relevant, and I think you know what that is: Vince Young is demanding playing time and in lieu of that, he is demanding a trade. Gee, I bet the Texans are really regretting not drafting him now.

I always wonder why players bother doing this, especially when they seem to be completely devoid of leverage. It seems that someone failed to mention to Mr. Young, that in order to force a trade, one of the core principals in being able to successfully do so, is that someone has to be willing to trade for you. As of now, Vince Young has the reputation of being an inaccurate head case that mentally broke down as the pressure started to mount. Yes, he did make the playoffs in 2007, but he was replaced with Kerry Collins three weeks into 2008 and they went 13-3 (though Chris Johnson and Albert Haynesworth had a lot to do with that).

He might be able to find a job just because there are a number of teams that are desperate at quarterback, he’s a mobile big guy with a bigger arm. Once you get in the league with those credentials, there always seems to be an open roster spot for you. But Vince Young as a starter in 2009? I can think of maybe three places he might have a chance to line up under center on week one: San Fransisco, Minnesota & Washington (Jason Campbell is to the Redskins what John McCain is to the Republican party); and the Dolphins, Bills and Broncos should all strongly consider it but they won’t. And even then, he’s going to have to compete for the position if he’s lucky enough to get traded. Is anyone ready to confidently state that Vince Young is a better option at quarterback than Tim Rattay, who started several games for the Niners last year and knows the offense? I’m certainly not.

Mind you, this is all assuming Brett Favre isn’t looking to lace them up again. If you’re like everyone and just assume he is, then the field gets even smaller. Add that to the 1,000 other caveats that could come into play, including his price tag, his petulance and general reputation, and you’re more likely to see a Alex Smith make a pro bowl than you are someone trading for Vince Young. If I had to guess this is going to go one of two ways, he’ll either continue with the dissatisfied tone and force the Titans to cut him (which probably won’t happen since they’ll owe him at healthy portion of his salary, I assume) or he’ll actually perform like everyone thought he would and beat out his 70 year-old competition (like we thought might happen a couple months ago).

Either way, none of this will have an impact on your fantasy team. Wherever he lands, if anywhere, he still won’t throw on a consistent basis. And if the team he’s most likely to play for, Tennessee does indeed acquiesce and allow him to start and he does manage to throw efficiently, do you trust him with his best receiver being Justin Gage? If so then I’d like to invite you to join a fantasy league. My advice would be to save your pick for Sage Rosenfels if you’re looking for a long shot.

With the dwindling number of NFL headlines, it’s making it easier and easier for me too mail-in my responsibilities for this site. It’s kinda nice, actually, not having to do anything. I could get used to it in June. Basically the only news circulating of any relevance is the ongoing Anquan Boldin saga, and the will he or won’t he speculation pertaining to his tenure with the Cardinals. The news this time around? He intends to fire his agent (note: he has since officially left Rosenhaus).

There are a couple of things about this story that I love and hate. One, I loathe Drew Rosenhaus and his self-promoting bullshit as much as the next guy who has no financial stake in the outcome of these contracts; but I’m a tad befuddled by a player firing his agent because of his inability to trade him. Because, you know, why would an agent intentionally sabotage his client’s chances of being trade and in all likelihood seeing an increase in pay, thus increasing the agent’s take home? This seems like it might be a structural problem with how the NFL and its franchises operate.

Additionally, this is kind of tantamount to the shallowness and urgency of sports reporting, particularly in the NFL. We can’t even wait for Boldin to actually bring down the hammer for the story to be reported. Some word of mouth reached the wrong guy, he told his friend at ESPN and that friend made it a story so to get the scoop. In case you feel like you’re reading this incorrectly, breaking a story before there even is a story to break is the new (arguably necessary) foundation for sports journalism, an industry growing in irrelevance that has everyone so paranoid reports are being released along the lines of “Boldin plans to change agents”.

I don’t know about everyone else, but I’m looking forward to the day when a Tom Brady dream is a lead story on Sportscenter. We can speculate about what it means for his future prospects, if it has any basis in this reality and if whether or not he’s going to put any stock in it. Of course, Boldin isn’t Tom Brady so he doesn’t get the same level of coverage. We have yet to analyze a state of his subconscious. He is hardly a litmus test.

All kidding aside (sort of), we can’t imagine why Boldin is so desperate to get out of Arizona. We’ve pondered this numerous times before, but it seems to suit what the majority of NFL players seek out in a franchise and what Boldin himself would look for: It’s a warm weather climate, they play in a dome, he has one quarterback who can reach him and another waiting in the wings whose showed promise, the team isn’t overly dependent on him despite being one of their biggest playmakers and he is amply compensated. What is he seeking exactly? Some misguided sense of respect after they benched him in a playoff game they won? He’s in for a world of hurt when he’s traded to New England, Tennessee or Pittsburgh or some other team accustom to winning on a regular basis and not just once every thirty or forty years.

Anyhow, if and when he’s traded we suspect his fantasy value will drop him at least five picks on average, if not more. Shit, Randy Moss’ value plummeted when he went from the Raiders to the Patriots, we can’t imagine Boldin’s fate will be any different.

A lot going on in the past few days that we’ve neglected to write about: NFL schedules being announced (Note: we like Adrian Peterson this year), John Madden just recently retired (we understand he’s something of an icon to your NFL loyalist, but it’s time for some new blood) and a bunch of people resigned with their current teams that shouldn’t really have any impact on the upcoming season that it didn’t have on the last (Jones-Drew & Harrison most notably).

Again, none of this is really relevant to anything regarding fantasy football, but it’s still news we could have at least commented on, because this site is so current and encompassing. But finally, we have a smidgen of news that might actually have a tangible effect on your 2009 season: Anquan Boldin is now officially on the trading block. I’m not sure what the big deal is, wasn’t he on the trading block about three months ago? Whatever. But the three main contenders come from all statures, proving that a star receiver is valuable regardless of current standing: The Browns, The Giants and The Eagles.

Or these are the three teams who seem to have surfaced, at least. He’ll probably end up playing for the Dolphins or something. But of the three the Giants are the team that not only need him the most, but the team he could improve the most, despite the fact they went 13-3 last season and won the Superbowl the year before it. Personally, though, I don’t see it happening. The Giants have little to offer in the way of draft picks (fairly low), there defense is stretched too thin, and they have no viable quarterback that they will be willing to trade that the Cardinals would probably put some value in. All they have to offer is running backs, and even then it’s only Bradshaw, who the Cardinals probably feel they can draft better than, much less give up a top five receiver for.

The Browns, on the other hand, have already thrown it out there that they would love for someone to take Braylon Edwards off their hands. Which seems insane to me, since they traded away the most talented tight-end in the league, their second wideout is facing a DUI manslaughter charge, and they’re starting a brand new quarterback who no one in the organization seems to like. I mean, right now if you’re a Browns fan, you have to be wondering if they’re cleaning house or sabotaging the team from the top down.

Bringing in Boldin would be a step in the right direction. Unload some draft picks in a weak draft, maybe throw them a bone with a utility receiver, keep Edwards, and you have a top three receiving corps. for the next five years. I know much of the Cleveland faithful want Edwards gone because he does have a penchant for dropping passes at costly points in the game, but he has top-five pure, god-given talent (behind Moss, Fitzgerald, Calvin & Andre Johnson). You don’t mortgage that because he played college ball in Ann Arbor (which I think has a lot to do with the antipathy for him). In short, I don’t see Cleveland pulling the trigger because off all this talk about Eric Mangini wanting to bring in “his own guys”.

What kind of narcissistic bullshit is that? “Whatever success I may experience, I can’t have any of the credit going to my predecessor who is also presumably my friend as we were coordinators together for one of the greatest franchise runs of all time.” Honestly, I defended the Mangini hiring and condemned his firing at the time, but he does seem like a bit of an asshole. The good news for Cleveland is, assholes tend to thrive in the NFL, especially at the coaching position.

Or maybe bringing in a free agent is considered “his own guy” because he was brought in under his clock, I don’t know. But what I do know is that Philly, all things considered, is the best and most likely fit of the three teams. For starters, they have multiple first round picks, meaning they could offer a first and a third (the same thing the Cowboys gave up for Roy Williams, which kind of set the market value for standout receivers) and not sacrifice an entire draft for the benefit of one offensive weapon.

The only setback would be if the Eagles haven’t recovered from their Terrell Owens hangover, which has prevented them from acquiring and hanging onto a legitimate first option at the wideout position. I can understand the trepidation, Anquan Boldin could have represented himself better in the playoffs, but I can also assure you that they are not making the playoffs without Boldin, even in the weak, weak NFC West.

That said, I think one aspect of this trade all three of those teams might want to take note of: Anquan Boldin does not operate well in cold weather. He’s not Kurt Warner bad, but he’s not Larry Fitzgerald good, either. Boldin played at Florida State, and went straight from their to the desert, playing at Sun Devil Stadium (which has to have the highest average temperature of any college stadium in the country) and later in a fucking dome at University of Phoenix. If you recall the Thanksgiving game, which was blistering cold in Philly, he dropped numerous passes and played a large hand in costing his team the game. If any of these teams are going to consider a move with this many potential consequences, they might want to make sure games like that are anomalies and don’t speak to a pattern of ineptitude.

If I am the Titans, however, I get the Bidwell’s on the phone post-haste.

So I said I would post about Jay Cutler once he was eventually traded, little did I know that would happen eighteen hours after I stated the fact. I thought it would be drawn out and met at its inevitable conclusion in which the Broncos get back about five cents on the dollar. But no, about twenty years after the fact it finally dawned on Chicago just how dire their quarterback situation is, and they trade away two first rounders, their current starting quarterback and some additional draft picks for an upgrade at QB. At least the “saga” is over.

Really, and I know it’s a cardinal sin to trade away draft picks in the NFL, this is the right move for them. They have an aging defense that rebounded in 2008 (they had an off-season in 2007), a respected and underrated line, and a top-tier running back. Everyone of these facets is older than they should be, and the argument for them is the same for the Vikings: If they just acquired a serviceable quarterback they could contend for a Super Bowl. Well, they not only got a serviceable quarterback, they got a top five quarterback behind Brady, Manning, Brees & Roethlisberger. And even beyond the short term, he’s probably a better asset than any of those five because he has comparatively so few miles under his belt.

Denver probably got all they could out of the ordeal as well, given the circumstances. If that new coach (their first new coach in a couple decades) and Cutler couldn’t get along, then reload everywhere else but receiver (they need it) and hope to make a turnaround by the end of the decade with a young, competitive team. In other words, you’d ultimately rather have Cutler than the draft picks (much like Chicago would), but the alternative wasn’t nearly as bad as one would have thought.

That isn’t to say there isn’t a downside for both franchises. Chicago, for instance, is out two first round picks in 2009 and 2010. We’ve already established that this team is getting old by NFL standards, and the difference that those two draft picks would have made (probably on the defensive side of the ball) will be palpable. The NFL is about reload and replenish, and obviously the first round of the NFL draft is the best place to do this in.

Not to mention, who exactly is Cutler going to be throwing the ball to next season? Devin Hester is a phenomenal athlete, but he wasn’t an “every down” receiver until last year (and that dates back to college). Needless to say, and you can blame it on the mediocre quarterback play if you want, but he left a lot to be desired. I think for Cutler, throwing to Brandom Stokley, Brandon Marshall and Eddie Royale is going to feel like it was a decade ago.

That said, I would dismiss all the hullabaloo about him only being 17-20 as a starter. I mean, did you see that defense last year? It is, unequivocally, the worst defense that has ever contended to make the playoffs. That includes any Bengals or Rams defense of the past decade. Yeah, that bad. It might have only been the second worst in the league, but it just so happened to exist in the same season as the first ever 0-16 team in history. There’s a feather in their cap, I guess. Oh, and last year was the first Shannahan team in recent history to fail too produce a 1,000 yard running back. Whether it was the backs or the line (note: It was both), Cutler’s team’s record is going to suffer as a result.

Denver, for all the reasons just stated, has their own host of concerns that should take a lot more than a few extra draft picks to compensate for, especially since they just offered up their best player at the most crucial position after a fallout in the front office. Man, what a bunch of children. There should really be some sort of law against acting this petulant if you’re as rich as everyone at the proverbial bargaining table.

Anyhow, it’s going to be interesting to see how this all pans out. It’s a rare occurrence for a pro-bowl caliber quarterback to switch teams just as he’s entering the prime of his career. Because, you know, such a thing is ofttimes regarded as a commodity worth holding onto. Either way, I’ll be on the edge of my seat waiting to see how this effects my fantasy weeks.

Back later this week with something draft related.

We felt like now was a great time for our weekly free agency update. Its not exactly riveting as I’m pretty sure the skinny kid from Road Trip saw more action high school than what we’re getting here in March with the NFL. But we make do with what we can, and no one is limiting our spectrum. We could write porn reviews here if we felt like porn was something that warranted reviewing, but it’s just easier this way.

So, Eric Mangini has announced that the quarterback position is up for grabs, and the two prime candidates for the job, much like they were last year, are Brady Quinn and Derek Anderson. As a Browns fan, you have to be chomping at the bit to see Quinn get an ample amount of starts. But simultaneously, if they send him out there and he turns out a little underwhelming like everyone in the Browns organization seems to suspect, then you’re left with a pretty substantial dead weight on your cap that you traded up to get.

What has me suspicious about this whole thing is that Quinn played under Charlie Weiss at Notre Dame. Weiss, was Eric Mangini’s predecessor at the offensive coordinator position in New England, and of course Mangini is the current head coach who was reportedly shopping around Quinn as of two weeks ago. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but Weiss never had a bad word to say about Quinn for the full two years he was coaching him, and despite how overrated some of those Irish teams were, Quinn was relatively effective in Weiss’ pro-style offense.

So, what exactly is going unsaid in the public that’s circulating in the many NFL war rooms? At this point the only team you could trade him to is Oakland, and even then you could only get a couple second rounders, a defensive contributor and some utility lineman. It might sound like a lot, but we’re talking about the Raiders here, they don’t have much to offer even when they’re trying to give you too much of it. He’s rumored on blogs and in Columbus (Note: mostly blogs) to be gay, and as pathetic as it is the NFL hasn’t evolved to the point that they’d be accepting of something like that.

But that’s all heresy. My guess is that he just isn’t passing the eye test, and despite the incredibly similar backgrounds of Weiss and Mangini they are two separate people with two separate waistlines and two independent thought processes. One would just assume that this would be an ideal situation for Quinn. And since it doesn’t seem to be, one has to wonder what is.

So there you go, Quinn or Anderson? Who would you feel more confident throwing to Kellen Winslow (forgot, traded) Dante Stallworth (forgot, on the cusp of being charged with accidental manslaughter), Braylon Edwards (clearly desperately wants to leave Cleveland) or David Patten (recently signed!)? Well, maybe we should rephrase: who do you feel is less likely to botch a hand-off to Jamal Lewis?

Personally, we’re going with Quinn. Not to say Anderson is a lost cause but he seems to have proven himself as a one hit wonder, or so any of you who drafted him as your starting quarterback. We’re you able to pick up Aaron Rodgers or Kurt Warner or someone else up off free agency? I hope Jeff Garcia was available.

Other news that may or may not have some sort of indirect bearing on your fantasy season:

-Michael Vick is facing more charges, he might as well pinch a tent at whatever court house he’s going to be tried in when he gets out, because he’s not being let off the hook anytime soon. If there’s one thing I learned from all this, it’s that the only thing the public hates more than abuse against humans is abuse against domesticated pets.

-LJ Smith has left the Eagles in search of Purpler pastures with the Ravens (you see? You see what I did there? Because Philly wears green what? I thought it was funny). I like how there are about ten teams in the NFL who don’t need a starting tight end, and LJ Smith managed to find one of the places where he wasn’t needed. Bang up job, LJ. It’s kind of emblematic of your entire career to date.

-Out with one ex Buckeye, in with two others: The Patriots have signed Joey Galloway to play the Dante Stallworth role (i.e. that of decoy) alongside Wes Welker and Randy Moss; and Shawn Springs. Mike Vrabel will not be sorely missed, it seems. And he’s not a former Buckeye so I didn’t even mention Leigh Bodden. Ladies and gentleman, barring injury I think we have your 2009 AFC champions.

-More evidence you should take the Chiefs in some future bets before the season starts: recent signings with Terrence Copper and Bobby Engram to accompany Matt Cassel. Hopefully that young, talented defense can live up to the expectations. Hopefully, of course in the sense that you heed my advice and lay some money down.

-Also, the NFL is implementing about five thousand more rules to render the game you’ve come to know, love and empty your wallet for virtually unrecognizable.

We agree with some and not with others but it seems overly tedious to run through them all. We’ll be back hopefully a couple more times this week, but something has to happen for us to write non-fiction to make this even slightly interesting. If there’s anything that could give us such a leg up, you’ll find out about it. Then about fifteen hours later we’ll be sure to give an overview.

So, absolutely nothing has happened via free agency/trades since Terrell Owens went to the Bills, and thank God for that. We wouldn’t want to be inundated with writing material in the off-season. This isn’t baseball, and we’re actually quite thankful for that. People like the NFL so much more than the MLB so I imagine the NFL equivalent of an A-Rod does steroids just might collapse the stock market. I can only listen to Mel Kiper rail on incessantly and humorlessly for so long.

But to prevent this from becoming JayCutlersembitteredstateofmind.com, we’ve refrained from posting. We have a month and a half before the draft starts, and while we’ve done a couple posts about it, it really isn’t interesting enough to endlessly speculate about. Especially from a fantasy perspective. But we can ignore him and his plight no longer. Despite our earlier proclamations that we do not like talking about talk, it seems inevitable that he’s leaving Denver because that organization is like a lost puppy without Mike Shanahan around.

Naturally there are a bevy of teams that are interested. Here are a few that could use his services and some that are seeking him out but we believe mistakenly doing so.

Minnesota Vikings: No receivers, but that’s the only downside. A loaded running back corps (something he never even sniffed in Denver), a beastly offensive line (ditto) and a defense that has top five personnel in the league. Basically, to be a viable Super Bowl contender next season, he just needs to refrain from turning the ball over. For all the discussion right now about how he “hasn’t won anything”, I think that most can agree he is capable of limiting his interceptions.

New York Jets: I have no idea what to make of their new coach, unlike the Vikings they have at best an average running back tandem in Leon Washington and with Laverneus Coles gone, a stellar receiving corps in Jerricho Cotchery, Dustin Keller and Chansi Stuckey. Still, this is a team that while it’s history is underrated (I can probably name ten franchises off the top of my head who have been worse off this decade), they don’t seem to be heading in a positive direction. If I’m Jay Cutler and I’m not an attention whore (which it really seems like he could be), this is at the bottom of my potential destinations list.

Cleveland Browns: This certainly seems a likely destination and I can understand why the Broncos would pursue it (they have expendable quarterbacks that have shown promise and might enable Denver to exercise some damage control), but what would the Browns have to be thinking? I’ve always defended the Brady Quinn draft pick and he has definitely shown some potential, but do they not like this guy? If they do then what exactly are they waiting for? I think what the Browns need to do is bring in another former Patriots coordinator to evaluate him, then determine he needs a third year “learning the system”. But yeah, if I’m Cutler and I don’t mind playing in one of America’s several decaying east coast cities, Cleveland has a lot of talent already on the offensive side of the ball, outside of Minnesota I don’t think he can find a better team.

Cincinnati Bengals: This is NFL purgatory and anyone who would want to stay with the Bengals grew up in Cincy, went to UC for college and was drafted by them outright. In other words, he’s never lived anywhere else and doesn’t care too. Some Bengals faithful might still be relying on Palmer, and think there are more pertinent issues to address, and they wouldn’t be incorrect. And the only way I could justify this trade is an even swap of Palmer for Cutler. Not sure if the Broncos would go for that, but if I’m then Bengals I don’t want to be pissing away draft picks on another player who may or may not be a head case.

Chicago Bears: One of three NFC North teams that could use a significant upgrade at QB, though they might think Kyle Orton is sufficient after a surprising (though still average) performance in 2008. I don’t know why this team is never capable of landing a respectable quarterback, but this seems like it’s presenting a golden opportunity. Also, the Vikings have the edge as the better prospect for the embattled QB because of better running backs, but if I’m Cutler I wouldn’t scoff at the opportunity to play for the Bears. Shit, if he can maintain a QB rating of 70 he’d be a living legend in what I consider the nicest city in the country.

Detroit Lions: I say this now and I might really regret it, but this team is not as bad as everyone thinks. With a new GM, a shitload of 2009 draft picks after heisting the Dallas Cowboys (Note: If you’re being pwned by the Detroit Lions in a trade, it might be time to reevaluate your methods), a new coach, a new GM and what’s probably the best receiving talent in the league with Calvin Johnson (4th time’s a charm), I wouldn’t mind going to Motor City. They have legalized gambling, and I would take a certain measure of pride in being given the opportunity to bring joy to a city that currently joyless. If I’m Detroit, I’d be willing to offer that first overall pick for Cutler in a heartbeat.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Yeah, they need new blood as much as anyone, specifically because they cut their entire roster so they literally need some new personnel to actually field a team. And what better way to start than at quarterback. Problem being, they have absolutely nothing to offer. The only way I pull the trigger on this trade if I’m Denver is if Tampa offers me Gaines Adams and a second rounder, and they’re not going to do that. Basically, the only way this trade takes place is if Denver gives him away for 30 cents on the dollar, and he’s too valuable of an asset for them to do that.

Houston Texans: Do they seem happy with Schaub? The backup cost them one game against the best team in their division for the past decade and everyone hates him now, so I could see them wanting to upgrade with the Vanderbilt alum. Cutler should like the idea of playing in Houston: It’s in the south and with his bowl-cut he’ll fit right in, the team has a great receiving corps (probably third best in the league after New England and Arizona) and a young, talented defense. But after pulling all the strings to get Schaub it’s probably not going to happen. They’ve been pretty banged up for the past couple seasons, so they can blame any shortcomings on that and will ultimately prevent them from proposing a trade.

San Fransisco Niners: Already said they’re not going to bother but it strikes us as a little premature for a franchise noted for its quarterback play. Is it because they think he’s some insufferable problem child? On some level every quarterback is a diva, which when speaking of someone of the male gender just means he’s a prick.

Carolina Panthers: Favorite place of this website. I’d assume the Panthers are off the Delhomme bandwagon after that loss to Arizona and they’re one of the more balanced teams in the NFL. Really, the only reason Arizona saw the AFC title game was because of Delhomme, and I think just about all of us can agree that Cutler is not throwing six interceptions at home. But they’ve been undying loyal to Jake Delhomme because he took them to a Super Bowl seven years ago, and they still don’t seem ready to part ways with him. As good as they looked this past season, they’re not the Patriots when it comes to general management.

Alright, that’s your extended list of Jay Cutler bidders out there. For everyone else they either have a quarterback for the future or one that they’re relying on and have too much invested in now, so we’ll stop short of speculating on every team’s interest.