Fantasy Football

So what we’ve decided to do for the playoffs is to compound everything about each game into a single post, in order of the least to most competitive game (as seen through our prism), giving us cannon fodder from now until Friday. Yeah, we have no idea what we’re going to do for next week.

As a side note, it is requiring every ounce of strength I have to not pontificate on everything that was wrong with Ohio State last night. Hopefully, for your sake and mine, this will be the last I mention it.

Arizona’s Outlook: With a spread of -10, it doesn’t look like Arizona is getting much credit for their win against Atlanta. As well they shouldn’t. Arizona deserved the win, but they were playing at home against (despite how impressive he’s been) a rookie quarterback, and 23 of their 30 points could best be summarized as flukes. A two point conversion, a weird mid-air fumble recovery by Antrel Rolle returned for a touchdown, a flea flicker touchdown in which the flea flicker had absolutely no baring on the outcome of the play and a missed tackle that resulted in a 50 yard scamper after the catch. Even after all this and two more turnovers, Arizona only won by six at home.

Next week, one would probably assume they won’t be quite so fortunate. Because seldom has it been that any team has gotten so many breaks in a single contest. Not to mention they’re playing on the road in what will be (relative to Arizona) a cold weather game against a veteran savvy team. Luckily for them, that team is the Panthers and not the Giants. If they were going to the Meadowlands instead of whatever the name is for the Panthers stadium, they’d be dead in the snow before th game ever started. Because you know, Kurt Warner reacts to snow like Wolverine to magnets.

This could pose a few problems.

Still, if they manage to pull off what I would qualify as a bigger upset than the Giants beating the Patriots in the Superbowl, and the Eagles also win (which everyone seems to be convinced is a distinct possibility), they get to play the NFC title game at home. That’s right. A 9-7 divisional champion will be blessed with a home conference title match-up because of the antiquated and illogical NFL playoff structure.

So, they at least have a lot to play for.

Carolina’s Outlook: Rested, rejuvenated and seemed to be peaking at the right time. Thing is though, for team’s like Carolina I tend to think that the bye week hurts them more so than it helps. This is a team that was fairly inconsistent for the first half of the season, and managed to find some sort of groove with letting DeAngelo Williams’ recently morphed and ‘roided out freak body dictate the terms of the offense and falling back on the passing game when need be. Now, with a week off and a litany of over-confidence going into this week’s game, they could let this one slip away.

That said, I wouldn’t expect that to happen. They’re playing at home, where they’re undefeated against a team that was 3-5 on the road (and all three wins came against divisional opponents, none of whom finished better than 7-9, and they beat San Fran first game of the season when they still had Mike Nolan), snuck into the playoffs by virtue of being in a shitty division and whom many considered to be among the worst NFL playoff teams in the history of NFL playoffs.

In short, the only way Carolina is losing this game is if they fail to take the Cardinals seriously. Given it’s the NFL playoffs we know crazier things have happened. Like Arizona winning last week’s wild card game. Alright, that’s not crazier, but the manner in which they did so was the football equivalent of the Joker’s cruise ship caper.

ESPN Manufactured Storylines: Can Kurt Warner return to the Superbowl one last time? Can Steve Smith refrain from knocking the shit out of his teammates? Can Edgerrin James make himself relevant? Can Tim Hightower break a tackle? Just how good of friends are Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin? Does Anquan Boldin get hit by the truck, or the truck hit by Boldin? None of these are really intriguing, but throw some up-tempo music into a montage with some sleek looking graphics, and we have a story!

Fantasy Implications: Basically, there are none. But since the URL is talking fantasy football, we have to at least pretend to make an effort. If you’re still alive in the NFL.com 2008 fantasy playoff challenge extravaganza not only can you go fuck yourself, but I would also acquire DeAngelo Williams if you have the means to do so. To be frank, we consider the 42 yards and one touchdown the Cardinals held Michael Turner an aberration, Williams will break off at least two scores against this team. And call me crazy, but since this game is at home I like Muhsin Muhammad as a relative dark horse. He should be fairly cheap.

On the Arizona side of the ball, if you’re going to play anyone, Steve Breaston and Larry Fitzgerald seem to be the only two viable options. Growing up and attending school at FSU, much like his quarterback it would seem that Anquan Boldin never really learned how to perform in cold weather. There won’t be snow on the ground or anything (at least there shouldn’t be), but a cool breeze seems like it could turn him into Freddie Mitchell. I have no idea how this guy can endure a hit like the one he did against the Jets but struggle so mightily in non-ideal climate conditions, but that’s the scenario we’re in.

The Pick: If you couldn’t tell from the fucking screed we’ve produced here, we’re taking Carolina to win. We lied earlier, the line is actually 9.5, and if we we’re going to bet against it, Carolina is still the pick. I’m sorry, but this Cardinals team is about as uninspiring as a playoff team could be. Which I imagine was hard for them to pull off, consider the franchise hasn’t won a playoff game in over a decade.

Back tomorrow with another preview.