Fantasy Football

If you’re wondering why there wasn’t any post yesterday the answer is quite simple: 451 Press decided to completely alter/update the interface without notifying anyone, and this just happened to be while I was writing my post. When I went to “publish” it, as Wordpress so flatteringly phrases the act of finalizing a blog post, the website ate my post alive, never to be seen again.

Anyhow, I refused to rewrite my post out of spite. Which is a damn shame because no one paying me really gives a shit either way, and it ends up being the kids that suffer. So to make up for our malfeasance, we’re going to post basically the same thing we had written yesterday, only longer. Maybe. And that is dolling out regular season fantasy awards.

MVP: Drew Brees
Common consensus seems to suggest that since these are for fantasy performers this award should go to whoever produced the most fantasy points over the course of the season. For once, we won’t give an argument to the contrary and give it to Drew Brees, who by just about any calculation bested the NFL in total offensive output. Congratulations, Mr. Brees. For your efforts you get an 8-8 record, saddled with an inadequate defense and a last name that should really have an “e” at the end of it.

He is WAY too excited about this.

Rookie Of The Year: Chris Johnson
Given the recipient, we’re going to rename this the “fuck Matty Ice” award, due to his pedestrian nature when it comes to fantasy quarterbacking. Yeah, thanks a lot for the 16 touchdowns and 11 turnovers, Matty. you really earned that spot on my bench, in case the worst happens and I actually have to start you.

No, we decided to give this to a player who produced something tangible over seventeen weeks, and that player is Chris Johnson. Chris Johnson, who started every game and was as close to a lock as any running back in the NFL to break 20+ points for the first twelve weeks of the season and was his team’s primary offensive weapon. We don’t need to tag any “game manager” qualifiers here.

So congratulations, Chris. For your troubles you get a 13-3 record, probably no more than a five year career and an unburdening sense of guilt that had you stayed healthy against the Ravens, your team would have almost definitely been playing in the AFC title game.

Most Improved Player: DeAngelo Williams (Amongst stiff competition, as well)
His season was quite annoying for anyone who drafted Jonathan Stewart (like myself). But really, who else could we have given it too? The man more than doubled his run yardage (717 to 1515) and more than quadrupled his rushing touchdowns (4 to 18) from 2007 to 2008. We’re pretty convinced he’s on steroids because frankly, there is no explainable reason for him to have a breakout season like this four years into his career and there was a reason the Panthers used the 13th overall selection this year on a rookie. But since nothing has been proven yet we’ll go ahead and throw Williams in here for Most Improved.

Congratulations, DeAngelo. For your efforts you get a humiliating home loss at the hands of the Cardinals in the divisional playoffs, due in large-part to your coach seeing fit to hand the ball to you only twelve times throughout the entire game. Hope it was worth it.

Defensive Player of The Year: Nick Collins
I had no idea who the hell you were until I decided to do this post in lieu of anything substantive, but you had three defensive touchdowns, seven interceptions and two safeties for the Green Bay Packers this season. So congratulations, Nick. For your troubles you earn a spot as a notary member of probably the best 5-11 team in the history of the NFL.

Alright, I think that about wraps it up. We might hand out some more…ostentatious awards in the coming days. For now we’ll just stick with the basics.