Fantasy Football

We are getting around to this late, but we were busy writing this, which is very much apropos of this post. Anyhow, yesterday we covered the women of Mad Men and their current day NFL counterparts. Today we cover the men of Sterling Cooper and draw a random, innocuous and easily refutable comparison for them. Shall we?

Note: We left off Bryan Batt as Salvatore because we don’t want Kordell Stewart tracking us down, as well as Joel Murray as Fred Rumsen, because the most notable thing he has done is play Mozart or something with his zipper.

Don Draper - LaDanian Tomlinson
He doesn’t play the most crucial position (that belongs to the quarterback & Roger Sterling), but he is the most integral and least dispensable part of the team. Don has come from humble beginnings to surprise everyone who ever knew him. Tomlinson went to TCU of all places and was traded for the rights to Mike Vick on draft day, in a move that was widely considered a misstep for the Chargers. Needless to say, I think they’ve both made a lifetime of proving people wrong.

Roger Sterling - Marvin Harrison
Roger: Quietly reckless, stoic in success and always able to cover up any immoral behavior even after sustaining a heart attack. Marvin Harrison: Potentially (likely) has a disturbing past but has always maintained a solid reputation as someone you would want your kids to look up to. I’d probably rather my non-existent kids modeled themselves after Randy Moss. It was either him or one of the couple hundred NFL players that probably cheats on his wife.

Bert Cooper - Jeff Garcia
Cooper seems to be growing a little senile these days, and I think constantly being disregarded and looked over for a replacement has finally gotten to Jeff Garcia. He’s 38, and has spent his entire career being everyones second choice, and he might be starting to lose it. (Other considerable choices for this: Roy Williams, Al Davis & Pacman Jones).

Duck Phillips - Vince Young
The Vince Young to Don’s Tomlinson. Duck sees the future of the ad business and is willing to adapt and take risks while doing so. Young represents the newer model of quarterback and is very unconventional and progressive in his approach to the game. Given their respective performances to date, their shortcomings outweigh their accomplishments and their hype and status is unwarranted.

Pete Campbell - Terrell Owens
Needlessly ruffles feathers, throws temper-tantrums over nothing and always seems to feel slighted. The only real difference between these two, is Pete happens to be white, married and built like he is made out of play-doe. Oh, and while Pete wanders if he will cry, Owens unabashedly and unapologetically does it on national television over his teammate’s sensibilities after he cost them a playoff game.

Harry Crane - Philip Rivers
Just kind of a bumbling fucking idiot. Both of them.

Ken Cosgrove - Andre Johnson
Undervalued, vital to the process but not always available in one way or another (injury, the Utz potato chip incident) and has as of now been toiling away in virtual obscurity.

Paul Kinsey - Clinton Portis
We would link these two together for their outrageous wardrobes alone, but both have an inflated ego and unproven since of self-worth. Portis regularly puts his foot in his mouth, while Paul walks on eggshells hoping to avoid doing so but still manages to be Don’s whipping boy.

Surprisingly, these pairings seem a lot more thin than those for the women of Mad Men. No idea why.

Anyhow, That’s probably it until Tuesday, where we will review our draft from our pay league that is Sunday night. Yes, that means we are probably taking Monday off. If we aren’t hungover then we might consider otherwise.