Fantasy Football

So someone sent me an email cursing me for my incorrect fantasy predictions from week to week and the fact that I seldom address when I am wrong but am quick to highlight when I am right. Well, this post is dedicated to our number one fan. We’ll try to make it a running feature just for his delicate sensibilities, because obviously our speculation is so utterly damaging to the fantasy lexicon.

This? Is not us.

I thought in most of my posts it was clear that I was either being facetious or self-deprecating for the sake of humor. Because why in the hell would anyone take something as random and incontrollable as fantasy football seriously? Like when I suggested Braylon Edwards would continue his dismal season against the Giants yesterday. He was obviously capable of it, but teams always perform better coming off the bye-week and it certainly wasn’t a surprise that he ended up torching the Superbowl champions. Just look at the Rams (beat the red hot 4-1 Redskins, despite how much of a paper tiger they may be) and the Jets, both walk away with convincing wins after having a week off. It is no surprise that Cleveland pulled off the upset. Naturally, this isn’t true for every team, and that’s when you see the Raiders lose 34-3.

Maybe I should have addressed this specifically and in greater detail yesterday, but I feel like I’ve written enough about the random state of the NFL. Parity rules the day and even the teams considered god awful will pull an unexpected win out of their ass here and there. Look at the Panthers-Buccaneers game. Two seemingly evenly matched division rivals playing an important game that is pivotal to the playoff race. But, one team has superior coaching, doesn’t turn the ball over and then it is settled: Carolina wins by 24 points. The Matrix is easier to figure out than the league.

What was surprising, however, was the magnitude of the upset. We suspect it was some hybrid of coming off the bye week, being at home, the Giants being over confident after sky rocketing to the top of everyone’s power rankings and the fact they actually played in the regular season. We hinted that the latter might factor in, but never to the degree that it did. And for that, I am an asshole.

Well, based on our other prognostications, here are all the other reasons to disown us.

In short, this entire list. We aren’t going to go back through one-by-one and list everything that went wrong, but lets just say that our advice on who to potentially start in a deep league is often based on match-ups. And when the Redskins lose to the worst team in the league, the Vikings barely fend-off Detroit, the Ravens only muster three points against what has been one of the worst defenses in the league, Fred Taylor suffers a concussion and the Packers have made the decision to never run the ball into the end zone ever again; our recommendations are going to take a hit.

In recent weeks we have gone either two or three of five with our suggestions, and this was an exceptionally bad week because the games dictated we go out on a limb. For that, we apologize. For actually taking our advice, you’re probably kind of an idiot, and that’s your problem.

So I hope you’re happy now, semi-anonymous email sender. Here I am, thinking I’m writing inconsequential drivel about fantasy football and the NFL, low and behold someone is actually taking this seriously. Let us know what else is keeping you up at night and we’ll try to address that as well.