Fantasy Football

If for some reason you are planning on watching the eyesore that is a pre-season football game between the Seahawks and Chargers (like, you’re a fan of one of these two teams or something), we figured profiling the potential fantasy dark horses for each team would be fitting. Mainly because you will be watching at least a half of backups. At least it is the third and not the fourth game, which is a disgrace to the American way of life.

Seattle:

Seneca Wallace: naturally Matt Hasselbeck is the starter, but he is thirty-three and now battling nagging injuries. Wallace has been his backup for as long as Jim Sorgi has backed up Peyton Manning. Some people seem to think he is actually capable of starting. We aren’t in that camp, but if you have Hasselbeck on your team or are a Seahawks fan, have a look at your almost certain future.

Maurice Morris/TJ Duckett: What the hell happened to Mack Strong? If there was ever a player with a name suited to play fullback, it is Mack Strong. Anyhow, is there a team TJ Duckett hasn’t played for at this point? And has he ever lived up to expectations? For those thinking he will be getting those goal line carries, I would think again. Size doesn’t necessarily mean strength. Who the hell is Maurice Morris?

Will Heller: He is actually listed as the starting tight end, which probably means he won’t see the field too much. If he does, keep your eyes peeled to see if they will be throwing to him this season. Or rather, if Seneca Wallace will throw to him if Hasselbeck is incapacitated. Nothing like having a wasted bench spot on a backup tight end no one has ever heard of.

San Diego:

Billy Volek: Not that you would ever draft him, but we kind of like Volek more than Rivers. If Rivers is to miss a game and your starter is Kurt Warner, we suggest taking a gander at who the Chargers are playing that week.

Jacob Hester: If you watched LSU at all last year, then you probably know that Hester leaves it all on the field when he suits up. If Tomlinson feels like conserving himself this season and they are going to distribute carries, and even more specifically goal line carries, Hester is a very viable alternative.

It is kind of a nightmare to travel all the way to New Orleans from Columbus, only to watch your team be decimated by a white running back.

Darren Sproles: Despite his diminutive size (though we will agree he is better suited as a third down back), Sproles has a lot of game in him. Again, his overall fantasy production hinges on Tomlinson’s health (or lack thereof), but he also shares return duties with Parker, redeeming the limitations of his pint size body coming out of the backfield.

The Defense: With Merriman probably missing at least a good portion of the season, you might want to observe who they might be replacing him with. Needless to say, if he does sit out a considerable amount of time, you might want to rethink these half-assed rankings.

Back tomorrow morning. Honestly.