Fantasy Football

So here it is, the biggest sporting event in America that manages to be over hyped every single year. It is a frequent topic of discussion whether or not a Super Bowl lives up to expectations. Ofttimes a person posed with such a question will make some sort of blanket statement along the lines of, “the game always sucks anyways”, as if it’s a highly original thought to dismiss a conversation piece with some faux-anti-establishment stance. When in actuality this perspective is so commonplace that it tows the line more so than ripping it off course.

And it’s for no reason really. If you look back at every Super Bowl going back to the Packers win over the Patriots in 1996, the duds have been few and far between. Fuck it, let’s just do the rundown in chronological order:

Packers over Patriots: I enjoyed this game immensely but we’re calling it a half-dud mainly because it wasn’t closely contested. This was one of those games in which everything that everyone thought would happen, happened. But between all the special teams plays and that it laid the groundwork for the Patriots dynasty, we found it enjoyable and look back on it fondly. This was also the last game in the NFC’s streak of Super Bowl victories.

Broncos over Packers: Was regarded as a tremendous upset and I’m still not sure why. Denver was fucking stacked but some things never change, because even when Brett Favre was great he was still overrated. There wasn’t much he could do about Denver hanging 31 on his defense. Terrell Davis went ape shit and John Elway solidified his legacy. This is probably still my favorite Super Bowl.

The personel helped the epicness of this one.

Broncos over Falcons: On the other hand, this is probably the worst. It will, for always and forever be remembered as the Super Bowl that missed out on the greatest NFL offense I’ve ever seen in the 1998 Minnesota Vikings. Just go look at the numbers and the roster. This was a loaded offense with a serviceable defense that missed out on the title because their kicker who hadn’t missed a field goal all season, decided that late in the fourth quarter in the NFC title game was an appropriate time to do so. As a result, we got this god awful blowout that everyone could see coming a mile away.

Rams over Titans: This was supposed to be a blowout but the tenacious Tennessee Titans led by Steve McNair and Eddie George made a game of it, coming up just a yard short of the end zone to send it into overtime (not win them the title like historical revisionists are so apt to do). Definitely an entertaining, memorable contest.

Ravens over Giants: The Falcons-Broncos game was technically the worst we’ve ever seen, but only because we didn’t even bother to watch this train wreck. We didn’t know who was going to win and we didn’t give a shit. Both teams we impossible to objectively root for and this was during our freshman year of college. Needless to say we were preoccupied.

Patriots over Rams: The biggest upset we had seen at the time, the Patriots went in as double digit underdogs and came out with the win. At the time, every neutral fan was elated, none the wiser that it would start a dynasty and put the nation’s most insufferable fans in the spotlight for an entire decade. Never the less, the game itself was immensely satisfying because we never liked those Rams teams. They always got too much credit for their offense, “GREATEST. EVER.” Was the common description, completely ignoring our beloved Minnesota Vikings that we bandwagoned in 1998.

Buccaneers over Raiders: A dud in all respects but it’s gets a better rating than the Broncos second win or the Ravens win because we won money off of it, and for Craig Kilborne’s joke, “When asked if he was going to throw six interceptions in his next professional outing, Rich Gannon threw a pen at the reporter…only for it to be caught by another reporter”.

If we're mentioning the Buccaneers and their the host city for the Super Bowl, you can be damn sure that we're posting a picture of their cheeleaders.

Patriots over Panthers: This was a great second half. Or maybe it only felt that way because it followed the dreariest half of football we’ve ever been privy too. It also stands out because while just about everyone was picking the Patriots to win, the only people who were diverging from common consensus were former players turned analysts. The Pats still ended up winning but they really shouldn’t have, and it still remains the best argument for why an ex-player makes a better analyst by virtue of being an ex-player than say, John Clayton.

Patriots over Eagles: Patriots beat “my” team in dramatic fashion, take home their third title in four years by a field goal. In spite of my subjectivity, this game offered a lot for the indifferent viewer.

Steelers over Seahawks: Just when you were tiring of the Patriots and were happy to see them left out of super Sunday, you immediately regretted it after watching this poor excuse for a game. The went into the game as a wild card favorite and ended up winning based on a series of calls that could have gone either way, and they all ended up going against them. To this day Seahawks fans still bitch about it.

Colts over Bears: This game was only two years ago and we remember nothing about it. Two stinkfests in a row.

Giants over Patriots: A textbook David vs. Goliath match up that produced similar results. This time around it was the Patriots getting bounced by a three point margin, much to the glee of everyone who hates dynasties.

As you can see, that’s a 6-6-1 giving us a 50% success rate. So, in other words, much like everything else in the world it only disappoints you half the time. Just enjoy the game regardless of what shape it takes. At least its free. With that said, lets take a look at the Sunday’s game. We’ll follow the same format we used for the divisional and playoff rounds.

Pittsburgh’s Outlook: I drifted through the past two weeks just assuming everyone was picking the Steelers. But listening to the radio for the first time since the Monday following the title games, it would seem the tide has shifted. Even though Pitt is still a heavy favorite they can now play the vaunted “Nobody respects us” card, something that hard-hitting meat-heads thrive off of. This moniker is like chum in a shark tank.

We could very well end up seeing Pitt mopping the floor with the Cardinals. They’re better coached, have more overall talent and possess a balanced offensive attack that the Cardinals only saw against a self-destructing Panthers team. We all remember Roethlisberger’s performance from his first Super Bowl that his team won in spite of, but most would tell you that while his play is inconsistent and shaky at times, a repeat performance like that is unlikely. Most would probably tell you if they avoid turning the ball over, they should be in the clear.

On the defensive side, this is statistically one of the better defenses to ever grace and NFL field. Tenacious, intimidating, strategic…There isn’t a liability to be found. But have they played a team with this many weapons in the post-season? Call me crazy, but I think the Cardinals receiving corps. top three options are better than any receiver sported by either the Chargers or Ravens. Not that I would expect them too, but the Steelers aren’t incapable of overlooking their opponent.

Arizona’s Outlook: And for good reason. This is a team that only got into the playoffs by playing in and winning one of the weaker divisions we’ve ever seen in the NFL (or the NBA for that matter). Everyone always said throughout the Cardinals three playoff wins that their vanquished opponents took them too lightly, and that was their undoing. Obviously this played a role but I don’t know if it’s necessarily a tremendous character flaw that everyone made it out to be. Of course they were taken lightly! They were 9-7 in the regular season and limped into the post-season. This team we’ve seen in January is obviously filled with ringers.

But it has been a helluva run, regardless of how you frame their journey to Tampa. The defense has adapted to each opponent, gotten to the quarterback and taken advantage of their mistakes. The offense is clicking on all cylinders and has played almost flawless football (which includes one and a half games without Boldin), each side has sucked it up and Edgerrin James is now contributing amply, spelling Tim Hightower. If there is a team of destiny in this game, it’s the Arizona Cardinals. And I have to be honest, that seems to be the vibe from a lot of observers, objective and subjective alike. Why else would they pick Arizona to win?

Manufactured ESPN Storylines: Is Larry Fitzgerald able to leap buildings in a single bound? Will his dad pretend to be objective while watching him in the press box? Will God win this game for Kurt Warner? Is Anquan Boldin going to murder his coordinator? Did the entire city of Pittsburgh relocate itself in Tampa, Florida? Can Arizona run the ball on Pitt? Can Pitt throw the ball on Arizona? Will strip clubs prove to be a distraction?

Fantasy Advice: We’ll get back to fantasy posts the week after the Super Bowl. My apologies for this.

The Pick: We’re torn. On one hand, we’ve got the stalwarts in the Pittsburgh Steelers. The workman like NFL mainstay that no one is surprised to see here, “defense wins championships and all that”. They went through what was statistically the toughest regular season schedule and came out of it with a 12-4 record. But they only went 3-4 in the seven games they played against playoff teams.

On the other we have the Arizona Cardinals, a makeshift team of a second year coach, a once washed up quarterback and a virtual no name defense. They weren’t supposed to make it out of the first round and managed to do so by the skin of their teeth. Throughout the course of the playoffs, they’ve demonstrated that they’re capable of winning this game, but look at these scores: 56-35, 48-20, 35-14, 47-7. Do you know what these are? These are the scores of games that the Cardinals lost during the regular season. Basically, when deliberating on whether you’re picking the Cardinals, you’re deciding if the two week hiatus is going to kill their momentum.

Jesus, I don’t know why we’re so indecisive with this one. Just in writing this post we’ve changed our mind about ten different times…Alright, we’re going to say that yes, it did indeed kill their momentum. Between that and the fact that the Steelers are going to have about ten times as many fans as the Cardinals, not to mention that Pittsburgh is just, and this is a crazy notion, simply the better team. We’ll take them to win and to cover the 6.5, but only because we’re rooting for Arizona.