Fantasy Football

We’re getting this post out later than we would like, but here are your five surprisingly worst performers from week four of the NFL fantasy season. We would like to tell say that these are aberrations specific to just this week and to not expect the same names to appear on this post for the next thirteen weeks, but the lie would be so vast that we might as well be dating you.

1) Everyone Involved with the Browns-Bengals Game
We could make a list ten deep just on this game alone, but this is a lot less time consuming. Yeah Braylon Edwards, you caught a touchdown? Congrats, man. But you still only totaled anywhere from 10-15 points in most fantasy leagues so fuck off with your minor increase in production. You know its a bad sign when a breakout game for you consists of 3 catches for 22 yards. Kellen Winslow, Chad Johnson, Houshmenzadeh, Derek Anderson? You are all just as much of a disappointment.

2) Reggie Bush
You seemed prime for a breakout season, but I suppose that is only if you have a loaded roster surrounding you, much like at USC. One positive thing that can be said about Mr. Bush, is that he makes a great decoy. Just look at the numbers put up by all those no name receivers. This every other game bullshit is growing tiresome. Speaking of which…

He's not exactly an academic, but some people are just better suited for college.

3) Maurice Jones-Drew
Are you ever going to be even remotely consistent? Why are you a high draft pick in any league? I am just speechless about the fluctuation that will apparently be your week-to-week career. I’d be better off with that midget from Oregon State on my fantasy roster than I would with Mr. Drew. At least I would know that he would let me down every week.

4) Jonathan Stewart
It isn’t entirely your fault because your asshole coaches insist on playing that oompa-lumpa they drafted a couple years back in the first fucking round, but could you actually step up your production on the touches you do get? 3.7ypc isn’t exactly taking the world by storm. Good lord, Chris Johnson is making every other rookie running back look like a mistake.

5) Andre Johnson
In short, your white counterpart damn near quintupled your point production. It must be rewarding to know that you almost single-handley cost your team their first win of the season against a division rival. Either you really hate Matt Schaub, want traded, or your just as overrated as the 2003 Fiesta Bowl led me to believe.

Back with something later today.