Fantasy Football

I’m pretty sure that being disinterested in tonight’s Thursday night matchup is a direct result of the scorn and disdain I have for ESPN’s NFL coverage. After watching yet another ego-stroke for the league that goes by the name of “NFL Live”, I’ve come to the conclusion it has everything that they love: A media invented rivalry (this is obvious since they pretty much are the sports media) in Mangini and Belichick, Brett Favre, northeast franchises, and a whole slew of players that we’ve all never heard of or know nothing about because 99% of NFL players are treated like amply compensated automatons, devoid of anything interesting to say.

Maybe that’s for a reason, I have no idea. Either way we resent this match-up as it is portrayed as “can’t miss television”, especially when we have no access to it outside of patronizing a bar, something we can’t stand doing on weekdays (our tolerance is diminishing for it on the weekends as well). So we’d just like to offer a resounding fuck off to the NFL, their network, ESPN, Peter King and every other schmuck-face meathead who paints his face, spends money he doesn’t have and loses his grip on reality all in the name of humoring the machine.

Also, it probably doesn’t help that we do not have any fantasy players in tonight’s contest.

But can’t it just be one game out of many throughout the course of the season? Why is everything in the NFL so uber-serious? I can’t think of a single mainstream pundit so much as cracking a smile or giving any indication they enjoy how mindless and entertaining their jobs are. Every time I watch an NFL pregame show all I can think is that everyone just needs to settle down. I’ve never taken anything as seriously in my life as Peter King takes Jets fans level of appreciation for Brett Favre. I understand that giving informed analysis is the general job description, but there has to be a happy medium. Right now you would assume these stage sets were in the hills of Afghanistan with the temerity that they are approached with.

The irony of all the redundant and hyper-critical non-thought that goes into these shows is, the NFL is virtually impossible to figure out. Case in point, Dennis Miller used to have a sports talk show on Versus (don’t worry if you don’t know what that is, unless you enjoy cycling or hockey then you needn’t be concerned with it), and he would interview a Vegas oddsmaker to pick and profile the games from week to week. That expert happened to be Brandan Lang ex college quarterback and inspiration for champion of the squandered potential movie premise, Two For The Money.

Even she couldn't make Two For The Money interesting.

Every week he got fucking slaughtered and would have to come back the following week and offer up some weak-willed explanation while Miller would gently but relentlessly mock him. It was embarrassing.

Point being I can’t think of anything more pointless to argue about and dissect than NFL football. It’s an irrational, unpredictable sporting event with enough parity to keep us all guessing. So reign it in a bit guys, a good majority of us are either watching casually or only for the sake of our fantasy teams. We don’t need all the inside jokes and tangents and occasionally heated and laborious arguments that someone at some point inexplicably deemed interesting discourse.