Fantasy Football

Damn, that was pedestrian. Comparatively speaking, we expected something different from last Sunday, but this was probably the lowest amount of total offensive output since opening week. Depending on how you score your league, there is a great chance that either Derrick Mason or Tyler Thigpen is your league’s leading fantasy scorer for week nine. Hey, remember when I made the claim that there is no accounting for any fantasy performance from any skill player because none of them are given preferential treatment anymore? Yeah, that was clearly mistaken. Everyone knew Thigpen would run up the score on Tampa (we’ll obviously have more on this later).

But that was just kind of the week it was. The matchups were odd (Houston-Minnesota. Have those two ever played before?), the injuries were fruitful and palpable, Cincinnati won (beating the suddenly lowly Jags) and we didn’t really see any monster scores put up by any team, and thus, no one player. This was the week that paid off for every nitwit in your league that drafted a defense too high.

The Jets-Bills game was a perfect example of this. They put up a total of 43 points, which consisted of two defensive touchdowns, five field goals and only two offensive touchdowns. How can one anticipate this? It’s impossible. The Jets defense has consistently been a letdown, the Bills defense is mediocre, but yet both probably scored you pretty favorable weeks relative to the rest of your league if you actually started either of them.

Even the Cowboys and their putrid D managed to put up a pick six, to give you some idea of how bizarre of a week it was. This will always and forever be the type of week that some of the worst teams in your league come through with a victory, assuming they’re still setting their roster. So naturally, we dropped a personal best on the season. If only Marques Colston could have a bye every week.

I couldn’t believe how the Titans were distributing carries. Namely where they were distributing them at. Actually, it was just one carry from the three yard line that they gave to their speed guy (Johnson) after LenDale got them downfield. Give my man his fucking due and let him reap the cheap reward for all the hard work of dragging his fat ass down the field for 54 yards. Speaking of which, what kind of fat fuck runs for 54 yards and doesn’t get in the end zone? Surprisingly he didn’t need the oxygen mask afterward, which disables us from our punchline. He must be rationing his meals to five a day instead of an over-sized three. The healthiest thing anyone has ever done from himself was when LenDale went from five quarter pounders three times a day, to three quarter pounders five times a day.

Some people think we're being too judgmental.

Other news from around the league, Cleveland managed to lose even with Braylon Edwards having a big game, which basically means they’re hopeless. Their defense made Derrick Mason, with Joe Flacco throwing to him, look like Cris Carter in ‘98. That is how you blow a 14 point lead with less than two quarters to go and manage to not surprise anyone.

In other disappointing for their fans news, the Broncos managed to lose at home to the Dolphins, which I guess we have to quit being surprised by (on both ends of the stick). As of right now, Denver has a lead in the AFC west with a 4-4 record, making that conference the worst in the league in a landslide. When Oakland is 2-6 without a single viable fantasy player (at least not by our standards), and is only two games out of the division lead, you know you’ve fallen from greatness. At least the NFC west is producing the Cardinals, who are on pace for a 10-6 season.

But there wasn’t much of a theme yesterday other than a deeper delve into fantasy whirlwind of nothingness. Right now I am waiting for the first ever six receiver set. Sure, it might be against the rules, but I think its time someone tried to slip it by the refs. Enough with these “rules” and “limitations”, we need literally a roll of the dice to determine how we’re going to fair from one play to the next. It’s time we bring Urban Meyer up from the college ranks and get him and his unpleasant demeanor to convince the rest of the cronies running the NFL that this is for the best.

Preview of tonight’s game later.