Fantasy Football

Still working on this audit, which will make us capable of murder if it carries on much longer. Here are you’re top five surprise performers from this past week. From here on out, we’ll just call these the Lance Moore’s.

1) Sinorice Moss/Domenik Nixon
I suppose someone had to step up in lieu of Plaxico Burress, and why wouldn’t it be the fourth and eleventh options after him? I mean, expect the unexpected, right? Moss’ numbers would be relatively unimpressive if two of his four catches weren’t in the end zone. These performances were so surprising, we suspect they didn’t score any points for anyone in any league that isn’t based out of the New York/New Jersey area. Unless you had Amani Toomer, it all kind of evens out.

2) D’Angelo Williams
The leading scorer for the past week as he accumulated 148 yards of total offense and three total touchdowns (2 rushing, 1 receiving). This will make his cumulative points on the season look impressive, and if he is a free agent in your league there will probably be a league wide clamoring to acquire him. Don’t worry if you were late to the draw then, because they were playing Kansas City, he is 5-9 and he has a much more consistent running back that is still amazingly right behind him in the pecking order.

He's almost as tall as the guy in the blue in the background, that might buy him a couple extra carries.

3) Kyle Orton
Can we put Kyle Orton on here when he has scored over twenty points the past three weeks, and he did so again on Sunday, and it was against the Lions. Yes, I believe we can. Because he is still Kyle Orton, and he was still backing up Rex Grossman earlier this season. Anything he does sans ties his shoes on his own is considered a surprise.

4) Isaac Bruce
Anytime a receiver catches two touchdowns with JT O’Sullivan throwing to him he is going to make this top five. It’s just a rule we have. Not to mention if said receiver is turning 37 in November, and was in his prime during the Clinton administration. Also, on a related note: Fuck you, Bryant Johnson. A guy nine years your senior should never outpace you in productivity unless you are under the age of 21. And even then it shouldn’t be a decisive victory.

5) Nate Washington
This was so surprising we accidentally called him Kelly Washington on Monday. He is the type of player you are always tempted to pick up during a bye week because Pittsburgh spreads the ball around so much and he is as likely of a target as anyone, then the one week you actually do get him off free agency he has about two catches for seven yards, and you vow to never have him occupying space on your roster again. Well, to the 99% who do not own him in Yahoo fantasy leagues, you made a huge mistake not having him against the Jaguars on Sunday night.

That’s it until tomorrow. Trust us, when we are posting more than once a day, no one will be happier than us.