Fantasy Football

Thankfully and mercifully: It’s Friday. We can finally look forward to two days of potentially sober football viewing. Honestly, we can’t recall ever being so over-extended in recent years. This is either the sign of a privileged lifestyle, or indicative of how much shit we’ve done in the passed four or five days. It’s probably the former, but it is so much more fun to create something to bitch about.

Here are five players with usually pedestrian expectations that you should expect a relatively gargantuan week from:

1) Ryan Grant
In short, he is playing Seattle. If the Giants — even as good as they are — can light them up for 44 points without their best playmaker, then certainly Ryan Grant can rack up around 100 yards and a couple touchdowns, right? I mean, he wasn’t just a fluke for the last eight weeks last season that is going to mail it in with his new contract. Heaven’s no. That type of thing only happens in the NBA. Well, it happens with rookies in the NFL because their contracts are so rewarding. So we never find out if they are busts or just don’t give a shit from the get go.

2) Fred Taylor
A bit of a slow start this season (not as slow as I had anticipated when I drafted Jone-Drew with the last pick in the third round), but despite the loss he looked frisky against Pittsburgh. Who is Fred “I decided to wait until the tail end of my career to get a DUI” Taylor playing this week? Denver. It is at Mile High, but that defense in recent weeks has us ecstatic that we didn’t lay down that future bet we had intentions of doing when in Vegas. Whichever team from the NFC east that makes the Superbowl would eat them alive.

3) Chester Taylor
His carries have been reduced even more so in Peterson’s second season. But with them playing the Lions this week, unless Peterson is set to break his own single game rushing record, expect Taylor to split carries a little more evenly. As they should have this win wrapped up by mid-second quarter.

4) Derrick Mason
Yes, Baltimore’s historically bad offense is once again unbelievably inept. But Indy’s defense always manages to breakdown and give up more points than they ever should. If they can manage to contain Dwight Freeney, who turns 70 next week, Flacco might be able to get the ball out to his best receiver for a couple big plays.

5) Ladell Betts
We generally do not care who they are playing, if St. Louis isn’t in a bye week, we are putting a backup running back or a second team receiver from their opponent on this list. This week’s default entry because they are playing the Rams? Redskins running back Ladell Betts. Betts managed to fill the void while starter Clinton Portis missed the majority of the season with injury. Now with Portis back and as effective as ever, Betts has taken a secondary role. Expect Jim Zorn to give Betts the garbage carries as the crown eagerly chants his last name a la Rudy.

Back later with something equally insightful.