Fantasy Football

After this week every team will be officially halfway done with their season. And if you are under the impression that it hasn’t flown by, then you clearly do not watch enough NFL commentary, and good for you. There probably isn’t a thing on this planet that a faction of people take too seriously like NFL pundits’ regard for professional football. You would think they were debating the merits of the two party political system with the vitriol, frankness and doomsday seriousness with which they discuss the Rams defense. It’s the Rams defense, gentlemen. It has never been better than serviceable. You are allowed to treat it like the joke its perennially been.

Never the less, should the topic be broached it is turns into heated debates that obviously last through commercial breaks and guys leaning across the desk and using dramatic hand gestures to emphasize a point. Basically, everything that everyone attempts to convey turns into a stump speech. And to be perfectly honest, this would all be well and good but a healthy amount of them are idiots. Either ex-jocks who got the position solely because they are ex-jocks, or self-important analysts who more so than anything look like they are still pining to sit at the cool kids table. In more ways than one, it’s embarrassing.

With that said, we still love watching the games, particularly this season. Maybe because we have a viable future bet, our team is turning out a Bad News Bears like performance, with everything from the slow start to the rebound; or the team we root for is a Superbowl contender if they stay healthy (Eagles), but for whatever reason we are taking more to the NFL this year than to college. That is something we never thought we’d say. We might start going to church regularly just to avoid the Sunday morning regurgitated talking points.

If you thought a picture of an NFL cheerleader in a Halloween costume wasn't obligatory, you probably haven't been reading the site very long.

Onto the guesses…

1) Kurt Warner
He’s playing San Fran, who is just a mess at the moment to the point where the coach is the least reliable person on the payroll, and the rest of the offense isn’t that far behind. Additionally, this is the best Warner has looked since he went to the Superbowl with the Rams, and he has three great receivers to choose from that dwarf the trio he had in St. Louis at the time.

2) Kellen Winslow
You heard it hear first (as far as I know), but Winslow will have a monster game coming off his bullshit, unwarranted suspension. For starters, they are playing Denver, who sports one of the three worst defenses in the league (the other two being Cincinnati and Detroit, to give you an idea of how good their offense is). Secondly, Winslow strikes me as the type who performs well to spite his employers. Sort of a “You see what happens when you fuck Kellen Winslow in the ass?! We could have beaten Jacksonville by 40 if you didn’t suspend me!” approach to these circumstances. The anti-Randy Moss, if you will.

3) DeSean Jackson
He’s kind of tinkered off a bit since the beginning of the season, but going up against Seattle who’s banged up on both sides of the ball with a healthy Brian Westbrook…we fear for the Seahawk faithful. The only thing going against him is it’s on the road in probably the most deafening stadium in the league, and we’re concerned about what Seattle sports fans might be capable of should the Seahawks be ran out of their own building. Between that and the start of the NBA season (and Philly recently winning the world series), things could get out of hand real quickly. Pay that no mind, though. DeSean’s life won’t be in jeopardy until after the game.

4) Matt Forte
He’s playing the Lions. Start him in front of Adrian Peterson if it’s an option. At this point we’d start Rick Moranis if he were playing the Lions.

5) Joey Galloway
His second game back since being on IR for the six weeks prior to it. Last week they played the Cowboys, and yes, he looked rusty and underperformed against one of the worst secondaries this side of the Broncos without Champ Bailey. But he is approaching 40 years old, I remember him playing in the kickoff classic for Ohio State. This week, he gets the Chiefs, a fantasy owners wet dream opponent. Expect Galloway to catch at least one touchdown.

Might be it for today, we’ll see how work goes.