Fantasy Football

This, along with yesterday’s post of weekly top performers, will be an ongoing segment throughout the season. We don’t need to qualify this list as disappointments, because obviously there are plenty of noteworthy names who fuck you sideways every single week of the season. Take, for instance, my entire roster. We’ll try to not take five names off of it and broaden our scope to encompass the entire league, but there will be a couple here and there. Especially today.

Note: This list bars those who underperformed due to injury. Because adding Tom Brady to this list of chumps seems unfair and, frankly, idiotic. None of these guys have an excuse.

1) Braylon Edwards
Others predicted a significant drop off from last season for Edwards, and we should have known better than to draft a player from Ann Arbor on the Browns roster, as we dislike both organizations with every fiber of our being. Hopefully this isn’t indicative of a larger problem, and his dropping four balls in the first half (including one for a likely 50 yard plus touchdown) is an aberration due to a limited number of preseason snaps, but god damn we are worried about what this might mean for the next 15 active weeks.
Week 1 stats: 2 receptions, 14 yards.

2) Marques Colston
When two of your teammates often considered second and third options outperform you considerably, there will be some backlash. They, unlike the Browns with Edwards, actually won the game which is even more discomforting if you have Colston on your roster. At least the Browns know that to be competitive, Edwards has to be a contributive part of the offense, the Saints obviously don’t need Colston for anything more than a distraction.
Week 1 stats: 3 receptions, 26 yards.

3) Steven Jackson
Kind of predicted something like this might happen, and even though 40% of the guys on this list are on our team, we at least were right about the Rams. Man, that mild validation is so, so sweet. Jackson’s numbers aren’t as paltry as everyone else’s getting top honors here, but since he was a top six or seven pick in just about every league, and was playing a traditionally soft run defense, he deserves proper recognition.
Week 1 stats: 40 rushing yards, 3 receptions for 30 yards

4) Torry Holt
We had an inclination about this one as well, so Holt has the privilege of ranking below the three aforementioned names. But his numbers were considerably worse against an arguably worse defense. Buckle in St. Louis, and all fantasy owners of their players, it is going to be a long, long season.
Week 1 stats: 1 reception, 6 yards.

5) Chad Johnson
This was kind of on our radar, and we’ve said multiple times that his numbers have dipped considerably since Palmer’s knee injury because Johnson lines up to his left, which Carson doesn’t like to throw to anymore. Factor in that with all the hysteria in the preseason about his contract, in addition to the needless distraction that was his asinine name change, and a fantasy week under five points is the result.
Week 1 stats: 1 catch, 22 yards.

Hopefully back with a buy and sell post later.